as he read, i fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once__ John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

* * *

Emma

dad cleared his throat, gaining all the attention, before saying, ''i would like to say a few words. to the girls, no boys, and always stay next to these idiots, and to the idiots take care of our princesses.''

''you need to call us everyday, video call. we need to make sure you are okay.'' Daniel said, sternly. we all groaned out loud, but with his glare, our mouths were shut.

''alright! i think it's time.'' finally Lucas announced, and instantly relief washed over me, as i will finally escape this mental torture.

''oh no, wait!'' mum shouted, but quickly we were already out of the door.

damn!

''they should join the Kardashians.'' Logan commented, opening the car and placing all of our bags inside.

''i will drive.'' Carter quickly screamed, getting in the driver's seat. followed by a raging Lucas.

Carter quickly got in and closed the door after him. ''get out, Carter!'' Lucas warned him in a fake serious voice. our big bear can never be angry, and that's a fact. in return, Carter poke his tongue out, provoking Lucas, who already gave up, and entered the passenger seat.

Logan, Abby, and i slipped in the car, finally hitting the road. not long after that, especially with Carter breaking the speed limit, we were already in front of the school, where nearly all the students were standing at the entrance with bags in their hands waiting for the bus.

''i am so excite--'' Abby was cut off by Logan, who hit her in the arm, making all of us laugh, and she scowl. we got out of the car, and slowly Lucas gave each one of us their bags, as we joined the rest of the students.

''hey, guys.'' Levi basically came out of no-where, startling the shit out of me. i jumped a little at his voice, and he shot me an apologetic look.

''hey man.'' the boys greeted him back, but who stayed quiet was Abby. she kept looking at her phone, as if he was not there, and that got me curious. she was standing beside me, so i sneaked a peek at her phone, and she was doing absolutely nothing- her thump was not even working anything.

Levi looked at me, his eyes holding questions that i had no answer for. i stared at him for a moment, but then shrugged my shoulders.

''do you know what bus we are in?'' Carter asked no one in particular.

''they will call out names.'' Lucas answered, and then silence engulfed us again. Levi was busy looking at Abby trying to understand why was she ignoring him, and she was also busy trying to put her act up. the other three boys were having a conversation on their own, which Levi was slowly involved in after a few minutes.

i elbowed Abby, wanting to know what was going on in her mind. she looked at me from the corner of her eyes, and motioned for me to wait. i sighed, roaming my eyes around, i found some teachers standing around the buses, ready to call out the names.

''and it's time.'' i announced, and quickly we were in front of the buses. unfortunately, the beloved English teacher was also there, having a scowl on his face.

''bus number one: John Evans. Amanda Christian. Jimmy Ellis. Lucas Green. Logan Green. Carter Michaelson...'' the blonde teacher continued on, while the boys were busy celebrating. they got in the first bus with the other students, and once they got in, they sent us a few blown kisses.

automatically, Abby and I got in the second bus. we were pushed here and there, but at the end we took our seats next to each other, and on the other side, Levi sat on the outer seat. settling in, i couldn't help but think if Noah was coming. i mean if Levi is coming, then surely Noah will come, right?

i tried distracting myself, but deep down i was actually hoping he would come, and i didn't question myself because i knew i had no proper answer. not long after that my eyes locked with familiar grey ones. he entered the bus like he owned it all. he was wearing black jeans, and black V-neck t-shirt. he looked at me, and then slowly his eyes shifted to Levi, who motioned for him to come.

''oh boy, he is here.'' i heard Abby mutter from next to me.

''care to tell me what was that all about?'' i asked her, looking at her while Noah was getting in his seat, which was next to the window.

''i dunno. he hasn't been talking to me any ways, so i just figured he is bored already.'' she said, looking down in to her lap.

''oh Abbs, may be you should talk to him to clear things out.'' i caressed her back gently, and she passed me a small smile. before we could talk again, i felt a tap on my shoulder. i looked to my left, and found Levi bending a little to reach me.

''can i sit next to Abby, please.'' he pleaded, looking at her with soft eyes, but she didn't notice.

''what?!'' i whisper yelled, ''no way i am sitting next to Noah.''

''please, Emms. how much do you want?'' he asked, making my eyes go wide.

''what does everyone think of me?'' i asked, frustrated as i remembered Logan's incident.

''please!'' he smiled pleadingly, and i already knew he was kidding.

''fine, God!'' i let out a breath, and he smiled like a maniac. we quickly exchanged seats, before Abby would question what was happening. i held a heavy heart, as the last thing i wanted was to face Noah right now.

''what the hell?'' Abby shouted at the sudden change, and i shrugged my shoulders sheepishly in return. slowly releasing that i was sitting next to Noah, i became stiff as his presence affected me. i crossed my legs on the seat, making sure i didn't touch him once.

i cleared my throat, ''Levi just wanted to sit next to Abby.''

without looking at me he said, ''i don't care.'' i would lie to say that this didn't hurt. i swallowed hard, and shifted my attention to my ringing phone. Lucas was calling.

i picked up, ''don't tell me you already missed me.''

''oh yeah, you have no idea, baby.'' he joked, making a smile crash its way on my face.

''boo! help me. it's really boring here without you!'' i heard Carter say, and i instantly laughed. my boo.

''man up, boo.'' i retorted, and i could hear his fake gasp from here.

''is that Emma?'' i heard an unfamiliar voice coming from the other side of the phone.

''fuck off, Asher.'' Logan said, making my eyes go wide.

''Asher?'' i asked, and instantly Noah next to me became stiff.

''we are gonna have a fight now, hang up.'' Lucas informed me, and i fought back a smile.

''have a good fight!'' i exclaimed, hanging up on these idiots. looking beside me, i saw Abby and Levi busy in a conversation on their own. hope they are talking things out...

''well well well, what do we have here?'' the sound of Stella annoyingly reached my ear, making me roll my eyes. i decided i am going to ignore her, but she had another opinion, ''Emma, right?''

''no.'' i answered her back not sparing her a glance, but a soft chuckle came from Abby that i smiled at.

''oh shut up, bitch.'' she spat with venom. and here ladies and gentlemen, the true Stella!

''yeah that's right. i am a bitch.'' i said simply, scrolling down Instagram.

she stomped in front of me, eyeing me in displeasure, ''why are you sitting here?'' she asked with her brow raised.

''not your business.'' i spat, as she was pushing me to the edge. what does she think of herself?

deciding to interfere, Levi said, ''fuck off, Stella.''

''i want to sit next to Noah. babe, tell her something.'' she used her flirtatious look on him, and that got me angry. and now she is ordering me, huh?

''tell her something, baby.'' i snapped at Noah, earning a small smile from him, which he quickly hid behind his frown. ''or you know what? come here Stella.'' i said, getting up from my place.

''where are you going, Emma?'' Abby asked me, her eyes shooting the question with surprise.

''i am gonna sit next to the driver.'' saying that, and not waiting for her answer, i made my way to the front and asked one of the teachers that were assigning us, she asked me why, and i just told her the place was too crowded and i couldn't breath.

and for the rest of the drive, i decided to sleep my ass off.

XXX

''Emms, we are here.'' i woke up upon Abby's soft voice. stretching my muscles, i get up, and together we get out of the bus.

once we were down, i elbowed her softly, ''you will tell me what happened with Levi, huh.'' she shook her head at me, but nodded non the less. spotting the guys, we went over to them, and boringly listened to the instructions.

''and now, we will call out a two names for each tent, alright?'' the blonde teacher announced and started calling out the names, first the boys then the girls, but non of the names ended up with each other, as we go trade it between ourselves, so i surely ended up with Abby.

settling in, Abby threw our bags inside, ''i can grantee that this trip will be joyful!''. i rolled my eyes at her, and slumped down on the sleeping bag. we were given 15 minutes to settle in our tents, and then come out to start our first game, which was something about finding something else somewhere. i don't really care, meh.

''so what happened with you and Levi while i was enjoying my ride with the driver?'' i sighed, giving her all of my attention.

she was silent for a moment, before she started, ''to be honest...he didn't talk about why wasn't he talking to me. we just chatted, but he was kinda nervous.''

''maybe he is thinking about something.'' i thought out loud, to which she nodded slowly and muttered a 'maybe'. not long after that, they started calling us out of our tents, and we did by the time my amazing English teacher called my name out specifically.

i wonder what's his problem with me. a bitch!

''yes! i am here.'' i shouted, as i struggled out of the tent, stumbling a few times on my way out.

''what took you so long, miss?!'' she shouted with frustration drawn by a professional on his face.

looking around me, some people were still not out of their tents yet. ''but people are still--'' he cut me off.

''stop complaining, and stand right there.'' he snapped, after realizing he is losing, which made me even more furious. is he crazy by any chance?!

''and i wonder if true love still exists, and here it is in front of my eyes!'' Logan exclaimed in his teasing annoying voice. i hit his shoulder hardly, gaining a groan to come out of him.

''okay. now that everyone is here, i would like to explain how the first game will work.'' the blonde teacher said, and she looked excited. weirdo. ''so there will be teams of two. each two of you will have to wonder around trying to find as much flags as possible. you will have a timer with you, so when the game is finished you will have to get here as soon as possible. alright?!''

''Lucas Green and Della Watson.'' the first two names were called, and it hit me by surprise how happy Lucas was to know that he was paired with her. it seemed suspicious, but he soon recollected himself. Abby was to go with Carter, and Logan with some boy named Mike, and i don't think i have seen him sadder.

they went on their way, but my name wasn't called. looking around me, there was no one left. am i supposed to go alone?

''am i not paired with anyone?'' i asked her.

''oh no, it's just that Noah is not here yet. you are paired with him.'' she was smiling, when i was having a minor heart attack. meanwhile, Noah was approaching us with his phone stuck to his hand. ''and he is here.''

he looked up and saw me looking. quickly feeling my cheeks heat up, i returned my attention back to the teacher as she started explaining to Noah what were we supposed to do. after she finished, he turned around facing me and handed me the timer, while getting in front of me.

i scoffed, feeling a rush of anger rising in me. ''do you even know exactly where are we going?''

he turned a 90 degrees angle,''yes, just walk.'' it took a lot of self control not to go and slap him across the face, but seriously is he going to treat me like that forever?!! while i was fighting in my head, he took out one flag that was half buried in the ground. he had a smirk on his face, that was answered by an eyes roll from my side.

''you know you should involve me a--'' i was cut off, when i was trying to pass the rock, as my leg stumbled and struggled. quickly Noah's arms came around my waist in no time, preventing me from the big fall.

''and you were saying?'' he asked with a smirk on his face. i got out of his hold quickly, and walked with pride.

''you know it would have been better if Stella was in your team. you seem like a fantastic couple!'' i shot at him. well yeah that's true! right? i don't know...

suddenly, his arms came around me and pulled me to him with a strong force that my breath hitched in my throat. he looked down at me with his jaw clenched and his eyes were blazing fire. ''you sure don't feel anything?'' he whispered seductively.

i was silent for a moment, afraid that if i opened my mouth i would stay stuff i don't wanna say. ''n-no. what are you talking about?'' i stuttered.

''are you sure?'' he whispered huskily, as his nose trailing down my jaw, sending tingles all over my body. he planted a small kiss in the crook of my neck, and i immediately closed my eyes. my heart was beating too fast for my liking, and i couldn't do a thing about it.

''w-what are y-you doing?''

''proving you wrong.'' he continued his way down my neck. i clenched my hands on his shoulder, afraid i would fall down any moment. i used my hands to try and pull away, but no use.

''s-stop.'' i whispered, i can't do that.

''why? why are you being like that?!'' he whispered back to me, but his voice held emotions and anger. i can't tell him. it will bring the pain back again.

''i don't like you, alright?!'' i shouted, finally after pulling myself out of his embrace. i am lying, and i know i am lying, but it's for the better. i know that it's for the better. he doesn't have to know anything.

''so you feel nothing toward me, huh?'' he retorted back, getting angry himself. i nodded my head quickly. ''alright then. if we left now as if nothing happened, you are not Emma to me anymore, you are going to be like any girl I've ever known. do you want that?''

i blinked.

do i really want that? of course not, but i don't have any option.

i blinked again to fade the tears away.

''let's leave.'' i choked on my own words. never in my life have i regretted anything as i regretted these two words. his face was mixture of surprise and hurt, and what came next was anger, then it was void of any emotion. he looked empty. and i hated myself for that!

XOXO

hello lovelies!

i missed you guys, how are you doing in quarantine?!

did you like the chapter?!

VOTE+COMMENT!