—Victor Hugo

I sank into my car seat as my best friend flopped down into hers, beside me. She looked absolutely spent. Laina's pin-straight, chestnut hair was staticy and knotted against her shoulders. The darkness beneath her hooded eyes was amplified by puffy, red eyelids and waterlines. With a deep sigh, Laina swiped the back of her hand under her pointed nose and stifled a sniffle. Consequently, my heart ached at the stress I had selfishly put upon her.

With a sigh of my own, I turned over the ignition and cranked the air conditioning, before slowly pulling out of the parking lot. A strange contradiction to the hostility in the parking lot just minutes earlier, was how the ride back home started off... silent. The radio was muted and Laina would not make a peep next to me. While I was enjoying the soundless space of the car in a way, I knew that Laina must have been feeling terrible for her to stay so quiet. So, I took it upon myself to break the ice.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting all night, Laina. Time passed by much faster than I thought and I didn't see your messages until it was too late," I said ruefully.

"I'm the one that should be sorry, Brooke. It's just that, well, you were gone so long and you don't really know those guys and anything could have happened and my mind was racing and I got so scared and I just... I'm so sorry." Laina broke down into tears again, putting her head in her hands.

"Please, Laina, don't cry. I'm okay, you're okay, and it's over now. I don't blame you at all. No more sorries." I comforted her the best that I could.

"Did you drink?" Laina asked anxiously.

"No, not a sip," I said, effectively masking my slight annoyance at her assumption.

Laina's tears returned to sniffles as she blotted the remaining wetness from her eyes. After exhaling deeply, she turned to me. "So, what happened last night then? Where did you go?" Her sadness quickly turned into dire intrigue.

"Long story," I said. "Maybe I'll tell you when we're both rested up. Stay at my place, and sleep once we get back. You can drive home when you're a little more alert."

Laina leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. We did not share another word for the rest of the car ride.

Driving on the highway and taking the exit back home was all a blur. All I remember was the strangest concoction of feelings as I parked and turned off my car. Melancholic euphoria mixed with wistful excitement. As the rest of the world was coming outside to begin their morning, Laina and I were turning the key into my apartment to retire. While I did not want to be where I was, it was an odd relief, at least for the moment, to be back in familiar surroundings after a night of newness. Some familiarity, at times, was good for easing my mind.

As soon as I shut the door behind us, I made a beeline straight to the kitchen for some cold water. The icy liquid burned on the way down, but I kept gulping cold mouthfuls until they turned into smaller swigs. My body temperature worked to rid my throat of the frigid feeling. Finally, the parched sensation subsided. I looked on, rather amused, as Laina immediately crawled under a blanket on the couch in the front living room. Before I could offer her extra pillows, I heard Laina starting to lightly snore. I held back a quiet laugh.

While I was making my way upstairs, I started undressing. Without a care, I threw my light jacket on the unmade bed, and the rest of my clothes directly into the washing machine, before entering the bathroom for a shower. I stepped in and turned the cool water on, with a sigh.

The sound of the running water over my ears was loud enough to drown everything else out of my thoughts. I closed my eyes as the refreshing stream rained over me, and I took a long time to scrub myself clean. It was nice to focus on the sweet, coconut-scented, soapy suds on my arms, before moving my skin into the water stream to wash the lather away. My night was literally and metaphorically circling the drain beneath me. At once, I remembered my phone had waiting messages for me, and I hastily rinsed one final time before stepping out to dry off.

While swiftly wrapping a dark pink, cotton towel around me, I made my way to the bedroom and reached into my jacket pocket for my phone. My heart was beating in strange rhythms when I saw a missed call and a text from Arrows.

Hey, sorry to bother again. Will you just send a text back once you're home safely? Will help to ease my mind.

I sent one back as fast as I could. You could never bother me. Sorry for taking so long to reply. I'm home now. Thanks for checking on me.

Almost instantly, my phone was buzzing again.

Can't sleep either? x

He was still up. It was unimaginable that he could have been waiting for my reply, though.

No, not yet. Why can't you? I wrote back.

Another .

Been thinking lots. Mostly about you.

My heart fluttered... uneasy but powerful, like a herd of wings trying to gain composure in the wind. But before I could think of a good enough reply, another message from Julian arrived.

I will be able to sleep better now that I know you are home. Beds on the bus aren't so bad after all.

You're leaving already? I wrote back, with my heart aching more than it should have been, to learn he was no longer nearby.

We are already on the road, left a few minutes ago.

And I kept you up all night. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you had to leave so early. I replied.

Please don't apologise. I wouldn't have it any other way. Wish I could do it all over again. I'm going to get some sleep now though, whilst the guys are still too knackered to mess with me. Goodnight, gorgeous. x

Goodnight, handsome. I wrote, figuring that would be the last thing I would ever say to Julian.

Too simple. Too easy.

As usual. A writer trying desperately to find the words to convey the deepest of thoughts, but failing miserably in doing so. It was almost laughable.

When Julian did not reply, and I safely assumed he was fast asleep on the bus, making his way far away from me, I decided to scroll through all of my unread messages from the night before. Most of the texts were gibberish from Laina, with the messages turning from excitement, to boredom, to curiosity, to worry, and then, finally, panic.

One of the earlier texts caught my eye as a picture message from Laina. She had forwarded along the photo that she took of me, with Julian and Mason, in the parking lot. In the photo, Mason and I were smiling towards the camera—my smile small, with closed lips, and Mason's a wide-tooth grin, accentuating his dimples. My long, loose, black curls were framing my round face and for once, I didn't mind my appearance. There was the hint of happiness in my too-large, brown eyes.

Julian, though, was not looking at the camera. He was looking down at me, with a small, genuine smile and a softened face. If he were anyone else, people might have thought he was staring with fondness, admiration or even reverence. Some might have mistaken him for my lover. The more I inspected the picture, the more details I noticed—like the way that Julian's body was turned slightly towards mine, with his fingers placed softly on my arm.

He was vibrant, gleaming, and his focus was entirely on me.

I was trying to be realistic about all of this.

Julian was, of course, a well known musician... and only gaining in popularity.

The place he called home was a few thousand miles away.

We had only spent the evening together, and while it was incredible, I had to consider the strong possibility that all of this could have very well been a game that he played with lots of girls.

No matter how much I felt like I knew him in some strange way, I had to remind myself that I really did not know much of anything at all. I needed to take all of this at face value and appreciate it for what it was: simple flirtation and a fun evening based on his luxury.

Still, my heart wished incessantly for more.

If I was nothing but an object for his pleasures of the flesh, he would not have been up thinking about me. He would not have texted, and even called, to make sure I arrived back home safely.

Maybe the way he was looking at me in the photo was an indication of something a little more, I thought.

Without getting my hopes up too much for anything, I quietly enjoyed the thought that Julian had said "goodnight" to me in his text, and not "goodbye."

Goodbye always signified a permanent farewell, an inevitable end.

Goodnight always implied a short break, with the promise of a tomorrow.

And for the first time in months, I started to feel a wave of calm tiredness wash over me, without the assistance of sleeping pills. I put my head back on the pillow, and pulled the crinkled covers over me, nearly sure that I would wake later in the day only with the recollection of a crazy, but mostly wonderful, dream.

1. "The Other" by Lauv

2. "Waves" by Japanese Wallpaper feat. Pepa Knight

3. "Innocence" by Madeon feat. Aquilo