—Steve Maraboli

It was not until the rows of people started moving around in their seats and standing up that I realized I had missed far too much of the movie to justify Laina paying for my ticket. Every now and then, I heard gasps and would pay attention for a while, then I would start daydreaming again. Mostly, I just spent the length of the movie wanting to get back home to check my phone and reply to Julian. 

Deep down, I knew it was silly to invest so much thought into this temporary fling, but I was fascinated by him. I wanted to know any detail he would be willing to share with me, about his unusual and exciting life. Everything between us was vulnerable and ephemeral, which strangely made me want to hold on tighter and enjoy these small moments while they lasted. To be fair, I was surprised Julian was still contacting me a day later, and being the one to take the initiative to do so. 

Even if he meant nothing by it, I took it as an enormous compliment.

"Did you like it?!" Laina was enthusiastic as we passed an attendant, holding the exit doors open for us. I gave him a quick nod in appreciation.

"Yeah, did you?" Though I was surely unconvincing, Laina made no mention of my absentmindedness. 

Instead, she took the pressure off me by talking about the movie for the entire ride back to my place.

Laina discussed the plot twists and her attraction to the male lead. Never before had I felt more grateful to hear her blather on. 

That was, until I parked and Laina changed the topic.

"Who texted you before the movie?" Laina bit her lip with wide, hazel eyes.

"Um..." I squirmed a bit in my seat, running my fingers through my hair. "Julian."

"Brooke. No. Freaking. Way!" Laina squealed. "I knew it! You have to let me see! What is he saying to you?! And when are you going to tell me what happened last night? I can't believe my best friend reeled in Julian Miles! You do realize how awesome this is, right?! I call dibs on Mason!"

"Laina, please," I stopped her. "It's just a friendly thing. And you do realize he is a real person, not an embodiment of fame, right?"

"You're defending him," Laina pointed out, smirking. "And you're blushing."

Warmth circled my cheeks and I found she was right.

"I'm just hot and thirsty. The weather is getting to me." I waved my hands around in the air, as if I could brush the questions aside that way. 

Laina was staring at me and biting her bottom lip. There was a smile in her eyes. 

I spoke again before she could. 

"I'm going to head inside and get something cold to drink. You coming in again?" I opened my door and stretched out.

"No, I'm going to head home. I have to run some errands in the morning." Laina grinned at me while walking towards the back row of cars, to find her older, blue Volvo she'd parked there yesterday. "But, hey, Brooke?"

"Yeah?" I glanced back at her, while heading up to my front door, keys in hand.

"I expect some answers, and soon," Laina teased, as she got into her car and fired it up. We waved as she drove off and I made my way into my small, chilled apartment. 

As soon as I locked the door behind me, my phone was ringing. I picked up without checking the caller ID.

"You just left and you're already calling?" I laughed. 

"I couldn't help it, I missed you," a deep, accented voice cheerfully replied. My heart raced and my stomach knotted itself into bows when I grasped my mistake.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry. I just got home from the movies and I thought you were..." I started.

"Your date?" Julian asked, with the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice.

"No, my friend, Laina. The, uh, one that was with me last night," I explained. "She took a photo with you and Mason."

"Of course, I remember. She seemed nice," Julian assured me. "Which film did you see?"

"She'd be glad to hear you say that. We saw The Twelfth Gate." My voice slightly cracked, from nerves.

"Yeah? Did you enjoy it much?" Julian pressed on.

"To be honest, I didn't pay much attention during the film," I admitted, making my way to the sink to get a glass of cold water. Having this conversation was not helping me to cool down. I tossed some ice cubes into the cup for good measure. "My mind has been wandering a lot lately."

"I know the feeling," he replied, a bit quieter. "So, are you busy right now? You must be. You've only just arrived home and here I am pestering you. Sorry."

"You couldn't pester me if you tried." My voice lowered.

"Right, sorry." There was a timidness to Julian's chuckle. 

"What are you sorry for?" I asked. 

"Oh, I don't know. I'm a Brit; it's what we do... apologize for everything," Julian explained. "...Sorry?"

We both laughed, and I marveled at how much I enjoyed the combination of the two sounds.

"You're not busy then? I just want you to know, you don't need to rush to answer me." Julian perked up again. "I would wait all night for you. Though I am glad to chat you up right now, if I may."

"I'm all yours." I sipped my water, cooling my scorched throat and parched tongue. All I could do was hope Julian did not catch the double meaning behind my words.

"I rather like the sound of that." He laughed softly, almost nervously. There was a short line of silence before I spoke up again, changing the subject.

"How was your show tonight?" I decided to grab my laptop and get comfortable on the couch.

"It was crazy, our biggest crowd yet!" Julian replied quickly, enthusiastically. "I think we'll be coming back to L.A. in two weeks for a festival. I guess someone dropped off the bill, one of the headliners, and our management was able to snag us a spot. This could be huge for us."

As Julian continued, I listened intently and waited for my ancient laptop to start up. My fingers aimlessly traced the corners of stickers that I'd placed on the back of the screen, years earlier. His voice continued to saturate my ears with details, but it would've never been enough. His passion was almost palpable, and I needed his fire. 

"Wow, Julian, that is just incredible. Congratulations!" I said, at the first opportunity to speak again. I was smiling effortlessly at his elation, though my lips felt cold from the ice cubes.

"Thanks, beautiful." Julian inhaled sharply. "You know, you make me really happy. I can't stop thinking about you today. I get the feeling that I need to keep talking to you, because it's just too perfect. I'm waiting for it to be awkward and uncomfortable, but it's just not happening. We get on so well. Don't you think?"

I cleared my throat. "We definitely do. It's heartening."

It really was the most peculiar thing, to be reenacting a pseudo-relationship, in reverse. With physical intimacy coming first for us, it almost made me respect Julian more, since he wasn't deterred by the much longer, much more arduous journey of learning about me. A journey upon which he wasn't obligated to embark. 

Still, he seemed to want much more than an easy release.

Julian's respect and interest in me only chipped away at the steel cage surrounding my badly wounded heart. I didn't know if anyone would have ever been able to heal me, but the thought of offering my heart to Julian didn't seem as scary as it should have been.

Instead of experiencing guilt, or a decline in my self respect, for having slept with Julian, I oddly felt alive. I had been pulled out of my comfort zone in the most freeing way.

I was a foolish, silly girl... pondering the chances of fate being real, and choosing to side with my heart, over my mind, even if it meant I would need to suffer the consequences later.

"Wanna know something strange?" Julian spoke up.

"Hmm?" I propped a plush pillow under my calves and let my muscles go limp.

"When I woke up today, I could have sworn I smelt your perfume." He spoke carefully, deliberately, and slowly. "Then I realized I was wearing the same shirt. It must have brushed off a bit, onto the fabric. I got excitedly confused for a moment."

"It sounds like you might be developing a small crush on me, Mr. Miles." I was getting bolder as the conversation went on.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Julian chuckled softly, shielding the seriousness of his question.

"No, I don't think so." I breathed.

"I saw you followed me online," he said, with a hint of pride in his tone.

"Oh, you actually noticed? Yeah, I did earlier." Embarrassment flooded over me.

"Did you notice I followed you back?" Julian sounded pleased.

Quickly, I surfed over and logged into my social media account. I did have a couple of new notifications, but nothing from Julian. "I don't see anything from you."

"Look closely," he said. "It's not under my public account."

There in my notifications was a new follow from Riley, no last name. "Riley?"

"Yes," Julian said a bit quieter, like he was sharing a big secret with me. "That's my middle name. I use it as code sometimes. Like at the hotel? A bit of anonymity is crucial for my mental well-being."

I clicked on the Riley profile and skimmed through some of his private photos. They were all recently taken, or so it seemed, with no pictures from his youth. Julian had posted a lot of scenic photographs, some of which looked like they were taken in a bad neighborhood. 

One photo was taken outside of a pawn shop, with only three of the four letters on the sign illuminated in the nighttime. Other pictures were with his band mates, at various tourist destinations in different parts of the world. 

"I feel like I shouldn't be on this page right now," I said softly. 

"Why not? It's a little late to take away the invitation I've given you into my life. Not that I'd want to. I trust you, Brooke." I was beginning to get the impression that Julian wholeheartedly did, with no explanation as for why.

"I won't ever give you a reason not to," I promised him. "What are you doing right now?"

"Lying in my bunk. The guys are out at the pub, but I decided to stay behind."

Julian's breathing slowed as the minutes passed, not in uncomfortable awkwardness, but rather in quiet peacefulness. 

Somehow, I knew we both felt better to have the other on the line, ears pressed to our phones, even if the words did not come. Each moment was another thread spun into the web we were rapidly building between us.

I couldn't tell how long we stayed like that before I heard the faintest sound of snoring. At that point, I really should have hung up, but I continued to listen, eavesdrop really, to the calming sounds of his body resting. I could hear Julian inhaling, muffled and soft, then exhale in a gentle sigh. 

Almost instinctively, I timed my own breathing to match his, wanting our hearts to be beating in unison with each other. When the exhaustion became too much, however, I gave in to the pressure and allowed my heavy eyelids to close with his, while drifting into a deep, restful sleep.

1. "fallingforyou" by The 1975

2. "Not a Bad Thing" (cover) by Boyce Avenue