—Vladimir Nabokov

"Eighty over fifty," the EMT read Julian's dangerously low blood pressure aloud in the back of the ambulance.

The sirens were blaring, and the driver was flying down the road. It still wasn't fast enough for my liking.

Julian was coming in and out of consciousness, but I never stopped squeezing his hand and talking to him.

"I'm right here, Jules." I was too afraid to cry. "I'm right next to you. Feel my hand?"

Once, he groaned and squeezed my hand back. That gave me all the hope I needed.

"You're going to make it, baby," I swore to him with a whisper in his ear. "I promise. I'm going to take care of you. Just hold on a little longer, Jules. I'm never leaving you. Please stay with me."

The medic had given me a spare pair of scrub bottoms, and I'd never before been so grateful for the fabric covering my body.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to be examined as well?" The second medic asked me, as the sound of Julian's slow-beating heart seemed to amplify on the monitoring machine.

"I'm positive." I touched Julian's swollen cheek, staring at his cleaned facial wounds, and almost choked on my words. "He needs you. Not me. Just help him. Please help him. He's all I have in this world."

"We'll do everything in our power," the first medic promised.

On the way to the hospital, Julian soaked his pants with urine, which wouldn't have been significant at all, had there not been blood in it.

"What do you think it is?" I asked the question that I didn't want to know the answer to, with the ambulance sirens booming at an earsplitting volume. The driver honked for people to move out of the way.

"We won't know for sure until he's been scanned," the medic said, as he tended to Julian. "But judging from the blood in his urine, his low blood pressure, and the bruised swelling of his abdomen, my guess would be renal trauma."

"Renal trauma?" I locked my fingers tighter into Julian's limp hand.

"Blunt kidney trauma," he reiterated as we again pulled up to St. Shepherd's, just three weeks after we'd left it.

...

Julian's phone buzzed in my hands, with a new text message from Tommy.

Just landed at Heathrow. Will be there as quickly as I can.

I'd only called Tommy a few hours earlier, and he took the first flight out of Paris that he could find, thereby cutting his vacation with Gina short. By a huge stroke of luck, the flight was direct and just barely over an hour in duration. Jesse, on the other hand, was trying his best to fly out of Finland, but it wasn't looking like he would be able to that day.

The minutes ticked on and on, each one seeming to span longer than the last, as I waited for an update about Julian. Every now and then, I would forget to breathe and my lungs would ache as I sharply inhaled.

"Nina, where is he?" I frantically jumped from my seat in the emergency waiting room, as soon as she entered to speak with me. "Please tell me Julian is okay."

"We've got his blood pressure back up to normal levels. He's conscious and talking," she said, lifting boulders from my chest. "He's getting CT scanned right now. Will you come with me for a moment, though?"

"Of course," I said, and followed Nina out into the hallway.

"Now, I'm not sure what we're going to find on the CT scan," Nina explained, while looking me dead in the eyes. "But from what I can tell, Julian's functioning kidney has been substantially injured. I want to get you in right now for a renal arteriogram—the last test that we must perform in order to match you as a donor, if it comes to that. With your permission, I'm going to get the anesthesiologist."

"Yes," I agreed almost before she even finished speaking. "I'm ready now. Right now."

"Have you had anything to eat in the past six hours?" she asked.

"No, nothing at all," I swore.

"Let's get you prepped and into a gown then." Nina led me back into a room. "It's a simple, quick procedure, requiring only a local anesthetic. We just need to count the number of arteries and veins on both of your kidneys."

"Nina." My eyes welled with tears for the first time since we arrived at the hospital. "I can't thank you enough for everything."

"This is why I do what I do." She smiled at me with a kindness that softened my tensed muscles. "What you're willing to do for Mr. Miles is an incredible act of selflessness. It's heroic, please remember that. I only wish more people would be willing to do the same."

Nina's eyes watered. I was frozen into place at her sudden outpouring of emotion.

"Would you like to know why I entered this field of work?" She blotted at her wet eyes.

I nodded silently.

"Twenty years ago, my husband was diagnosed with irreversible heart failure." She coughed into her fist, to clear the lump in her throat. "Both ventricles stopped working properly, and he was put on the waiting list for an organ donation."

My feet began to feel unsteady, but I continued to listen, intently, to her story.

"I was so hopeful that everything would work out great. My husband was a bit of a skeptic. I was always the optimistic one. But as six months turned to twelve, and one year turned to two, even I was starting to lose hope." Nina's lower lip started to quiver, and I felt myself breaking with her.

Her pain was saturating every air particle around us, and I breathed it in.

"He died waiting for that transplant," she said with more clarity in her voice. "And I promised myself that day, that I would do everything in my power to help people overcome this... this terrifying, catastrophic time in their lives. Even just one person."

I couldn't help it.

It was just a reflexive action to wrap my arms around her in sympathy and ultimate gratefulness.

After a long minute, Nina pulled back with drier eyes, and the hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"Let's go get your Julian better."

...

"Here are his keys. I'm not sure which one is to his car, but you can figure it out, right?" I handed them over to Tommy in a hurry. "My purse should be on the floor of the passenger seat."

"Yes, I'll sort it out." He took the keys, gripping them tightly in his clenched palm. "I'll be back in a bit, then. You'll be alright?"

"Ms. Fray?" another nurse called my name.

I nodded at Tommy, and turned to follow the nurse back.

I lay on the X-ray table as a long needle was injected into my skin, to numb the area.

"You doing okay?" the doctor asked.

I grimaced and gritted my teeth while sucking in a deep breath. "Yes."

"The catheter is in," he announced, while watching the television monitor. It was broadcasting live images of my insides. "Now for the dye."

As the contrast moved throughout my blood vessels, making them more visible, several X-rays were taken.

"All set," the doctor said, as he pulled the catheter from my body and secured a bandage over the area. "The injection site will be sore for a bit, but most of the discomfort should be gone within eight hours or so."

I got changed from the hospital gown, back into the scrub bottoms from the ambulance medic, and a fresh top that Nina had traded me for Julian's bloodied shirt that I previously had on.

Nina was waiting with a wheelchair for me when I exited.

"I don't need that," I said, pointing to the chair.

"It'll make me feel better." She pointed to the seat. "Please."

I did as she asked and Nina started wheeling me very slowly.

"Julian's examinations are all complete." Her voice was laced with melancholy.

"And?" At once, I knew why she wanted me to be sitting down.

"He has grade five Blunt Renal Trauma." Before I could ask the ramifications, she put it in layman's terms. "A shattered kidney and avulsed renal vessels. Essentially, the vessels were forcibly detached from his organ."

My eyes closed automatically, and I bit my tongue to keep from whimpering. I didn't know how much more either Julian or I could have taken.

"Julian is experiencing some flank pain, blurred vision, vomiting, and abdominal swelling with bruising. But what we're most concerned about is that he's still intermittently bleeding. At this point, it's crucial to perform a nephrectomy—complete organ removal."

"What about the transplant then? I thought—" I started but Nina cut me off.

"I just want you to know that he can actually still get by on dialysis with the entire organ removed," Nina informed me.

"When?" My own voice sounded foreign to my ears—defeated, hoarse, and toneless.

Something on my final examination must have ruled me out as a donor. My mind could have imploded from the pressure.

"We've raised his level of need from yellow to red on the organ waiting list," she continued. "So, that makes him a prime candidate for immediate transplantation."

"When, Nina?" I repeated my question quietly, even though my insides were screaming.

"We'll remove his kidney tomorrow," she said, and stopped wheeling me. "His room is straight ahead. You want to walk the rest of the way?"

She knew me too well. I wouldn't have wanted to worry Julian. And I certainly wouldn't have wanted to alert him to anything that would cause unnecessary stress. He had been through more than enough—more than any person should've been able to withstand.

When I walked into the room, Julian was sitting upright in the hospital bed, completely alert. My heart fluttered at the sight. His beautiful face was swollen, tired, and riddled with healing lacerations, but he otherwise looked okay.

"Jules." I walked directly to the bed, sat on the edge of it, and wrapped my arms around him gingerly. He still winced from my touch.

"Mr. Miles." Nina called his name from the doorway. We were able to see her clearly, thanks to the brightly lit, fluorescent bulbs of the hallway.

"Yes?" His voice was gruff, but soft.

"I thought I told you the last time you were here? No boxing." I couldn't figure out why she was cracking a joke in that moment, but it made Julian chuckle at least.

"In all seriousness, I have some brilliant news to share with you," she said, and my head perked up in curiosity.

"What is it?" Julian's gorgeous, russet eyes focused completely on Nina.

"We've found a match for your organ transplantation," Nina said. She furtively peeked at me for just a fraction of a second, too quickly for him to notice, then focused back on Julian.

"What?" Julian's voice grew in volume excitedly. "But I've only been on the list for a couple of months. They said it could take years."

"I'm just as happily surprised as you are. Sometimes, things work out when you least expect them to." Nina blinked away the slight wetness from her eyes that, I was sure, only I noticed. "Because of the necessary nephrectomy that we've informed you about, we're going to move forward and perform the transplant surgery tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" His tired eyes went wide.

"Yes." She nodded. "For now, please get some rest."

When Nina turned to walk away, I wanted to run after her. I wanted to hug her, cry tears of absolute relief into her shoulder, and try to find the words to thank her for saving Julian's life—and in doing so, saving mine. But she drifted silently down the hallway, a quiet heroine keeping my secret for the time being. Gratitude consumed me.

I finally knew, that there was always hope.

Sometimes, it just had to get dark before you could see the stars.

"I can't believe this." Julian started to weep into his palms.

"How are you, Jules?" I tried to distract him. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alive." He placed a trembling hand over my fingers. "You're alive. So, I'm okay."

"That's all I could ever ask you to be." I blinked hard. "Just be okay."

"Don't cry," he pleaded. I tried my best not to, for him. "I'm going to be okay, I swear it. For you."

"You're going to be perfect now. They're going to put you back together." I cleared my scratchy throat. "I just feel so terrible."

"Why?" His rough hand brushed my cheek. It felt so wrong for him to be comforting me in that moment, but I just couldn't help it.

"I know this is going to sound so silly right now, because there are so many more dire things to worry about." I sniffled. "But... he... broke my necklace. My arrow necklace. It's gone forever."

I touched my bare neck, where the arrow should have lay, and felt the sting of loss for everything the necklace stood for. The sting subsided, nevertheless, when I reminded myself that it was just a symbol. What it represented was still in front of me, and nothing could have been more vastly important than that. I was being simply ridiculous, but I attributed it to the overwhelming stress, shock, and panic from that day.

"Where are my jeans?" Julian glanced around the room, seemingly overlooking what I'd just said.

"I think Nina took them to be washed," I said, and Julian grimaced.

"You have no reason at all to feel embarrassed, you know," I assured him.

"No, no, it's not that." He shook his head. "I just needed the contents of my pockets."

"Oh, well, I've got your phone." I held it in the air to show him. "And I think they put everything else into a little baggy."

I looked next to the tray on the bedside table, and saw a small, blue pouch.

"Look in that bag, next to you," I said, and Julian turned to peek inside of it.

"Phew," he said, exhaling deeply. "Yeah, this is it."

"What did you need?" My eyes studied his cut up face. I had to stop myself from touching his busted lip.

"Will you please stand up for a second?" Julian asked. I thought he might have needed to stretch his legs out on the mattress, so I stood beside him.

"Thank you. I think I might have something else for you to wear, that you may like even more," he said, while reaching into the blue pouch and pulling out a small, black box. "I would get down myself if I could, but so long as you're above me, this should work."

"Huh?" Puzzlement covered my face.

"I know I'm in a hospital bed, with not one, but two dead kidneys now," he said, eyes downcast, deep in thought. "I know I'm ill. And I know my face is completely ripped to shreds. I'm sure I look like something out of an evil science experiment gone dreadfully wrong."

"Julian," I said, realization coming over me in waves, but he continued on with his speech.

"I have dragged you through absolute hell, and because of me, we almost lost both of our lives today. I'm a complete wreck, racked with self doubt and anger and boundless heartache... but Brooke, you make it all better. You make my world brighter just by being in it, and you make me want to see another day."

He peered into my soul with the most beautiful russet eyes, completely silencing me.

"I'm having a surgery tomorrow to hopefully save my life. But Brooke, the thing is, my life would be valueless without you. I only want to go through with it because of you. If not for you, my tired body would've given up long ago. You are the very air in my lungs. You are the only reason my tattered heart keeps beating."

Julian looked down at the small box in his palm, in deep contemplation.

"Brooke Fray." His hand trembled as a single tear rolled down his swollen cheek. "If you say yes to me, I swear that I will spend the rest of my days making up to you, what I took before. You will never have to worry about what you mean to me, because I will be shouting it from the mountaintops. Never again will you be hurt by me. I will be a man worthy of you. The one I should've been all along."

I swallowed hard, staring at him.

Words. These were the words I always needed to hear from him.

"I loved you long before I met you." His eyes welled completely. "I love you today. And I promise to love you every single day of my life... each moment more than the last."

My knees were begging to buckle. He opened the small box, exposing the most beautiful, rose gold ring I'd ever seen, holding it out toward me as evidence of his unconditional love and devotion.

"Will you make me the strongest, luckiest, and happiest man in the world by marrying me?"

My fluttering heart was the only reason for a minuscule second's lapse in time before I replied. I delicately wrapped my arms around his sore body, as I spoke.

"Yes."

A million times, yes.

With a trembling hand, Julian slipped the ring onto my finger, securing it into its rightful place. We stayed in each other's arms for the longest time before finally breaking away again, to look at each other's faces. He leaned in to kiss my lips, and I softly returned it, being more gentle than I would've ever thought possible. I couldn't bear to hurt him.

It didn't matter at all to me that Julian had proposed in the hospital, instead of a lavish ocean villa or some fancy, upscale restaurant, surrounded by strangers—that wasn't us. This was us—two broken pieces, trying to glue the other back together, and in doing so, we had inseparably joined ourselves to one another. It meant so much more this way.

Julian chose to propose to me at our weakest, knowing full well that we could only get stronger from there, together.

"You're all I have in the world, Brooke," he whispered, and I noticed someone moving outside the hospital room door. "You're my only friend."

"Actually," I said, motioning for them to enter the room, "That's not exactly true."

Julian's eyes widened as Tommy and Liz entered the room with balloons. Ollie followed closely behind them, with a bag full of snacks in his hand.

"Miles!" Ollie nearly ran to Julian's side, while Jules' features lit up at the recognition of his best friend from the orphanage so many years ago.

Oliver gripped my sore soulmate into a gentle, but giant, bear hug. Their time apart had done nothing to weaken their bond, and as I watched Jules' glossy eyes shine in elation, I was sure that nothing ever could.

"Ollie." Julian was full on sobbing. My heart burst with pride to see him so happy. "How did you find me?"

"Your lovely girlfriend found me." Oliver's mouth formed one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seen, and it was my Julian that made him smile. Jules just didn't know the happiness that he brought to us all. "Long story."

"Actually, Brooke's not my girlfriend," Julian said through thick tears. "She's my fiancée."

...

Julian and I hardly slept after our guests left that evening. And they had only left after being rushed out of the room by a random nurse, since visiting hours had ended three hours earlier. Fortunately, since I was marked down as family, I got to stay in the room with my... fiancé.

I could've really gotten used to calling him that.

He scooted over, on the oversized hospital bed, as he had done so many times before, in the previous two months. We cuddled while watching late night talk shows.

We said very little apart from our quiet, sporadic laughter, with the day's events befalling our heavy minds, only to be replaced by the calm of knowing we were going to be okay. Really—this time, we were. No, better than okay, we were going to be perfect.