*

Somehow it felt like Charlie was getting bolder every time he saw me. 

Whether it's 'cause he's liking me more or just getting used to me more, the effect it had on me was always the same. I'd clamor up like an idiot and stop being able to look inside those intense, solid dark eyes.

His clown personality didn't suit those eyes.

Seeing him swear took me by massive surprise. It was disconcerting to have a drama unfold in front of me, right before my eyes and ears, and not be able to hear any of it. Ikeisha did some vague explaining about Charlie going back to his usual troublesome, clownish self, but this teacher seemed to deserve it after some insensitive remark about hearing.

Was it just me, or was he getting more protective and sensitive to me every day? Not just me, but a disability in general. It's not like the new teacher knew she was teaching a deaf kid, but Charlie didn't like the fact she didn't consider it. His chest must be heavy carrying around a heart of gold.

What was weirder that Tom came in and whispered something to her. It was awkward seeing Miss Wightman turn soft and fluttery in front him, especially when she looked so tense and frustrated just five minutes earlier. What did he say to her? Did they have some sort of a thing?

Never in my sixteen years had Tom taken an interest in anyone or anything besides Grandad and poetry. Not even his own ex-wife when she cheated and left. He was almost fifty, for one thing, but had good genes. She'd barely be pushing twenty-three. 

The idea of it was sorta gross, so I shrugged it off.

Class was going too slow. It's not like I could hear anything, so I wasn't sure why I even bothered to turn up. Actually, that much was obvious. Charlie. But it was no fun sitting in a silent room when I couldn't at least look at him from time to time. I must've been grumbling into my hand because Ikeisha glanced at me and nudged my shoulder with hers.

She mouthed you okay? to which I just nodded. It was frustrating though. Charlie grew bolder and stronger every day, yet here I was struggling to face my own hearing device while wallowing in my own misery. Why was I closing myself off in the silence? Charlie was always being brave for me, and I could be brave for Charlie. But I needed to be brave for myself. 

I needed to be braver.

While Miss Wightman was turned to the board, I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Mum.

Can u pls bring h aid

tnx

I looked up to check on the teacher that she hadn't noticed me on it yet when I felt the vibration in my hand. Mum's reply was immediate.

Of course. Be there soon x

Ikeisha leaned over me to see why I was smiling when she flinched and looked up. Already guessing why, I pocketed my phone and looked up to see a less than impressed Miss Wightman standing in front of my desk with her arms crossed. Her lips moved and I could hear the watery sound, but I didn't know what she was saying. Part of me couldn't help but wonder if she was saying the same sort of thing to me as she did to Charlie.

Keish snickered beside me. Looking at the teacher, she stared deftly and defiantly, and I watched her lips form a very clear "he is."

This made me look up at the teacher, who looked a little perplexed. She looked down at me, opening her mouth for what I assumed to be asking me a question. Charlie had his fun messing around with her when she was rude, and now that she seemed to be testing my hearing, I decided to have my fun, too.

"What? No. Don't be so rude," I said. It was a shot in the dark since I had no idea what she actually said, but her eyes widened, and she pointed straight to the door.

Ikeisha buried her face in her hands, but I could see her forehead was completely red. I'd have to find out later what Miss Wightman actually said because when I looked at Trey and Manu, then the rest of the class, everyone seemed to be in fits of laughter.

Cool, I got to stand outside with Charlie.

It was awkward, but I stood up and headed out the of the class, just excited to stand in punishment with Charlie. When I vaguely heard the door shut behind me, I realized I probably pulled it a little too hard. No one followed me out to tell me off, so that much was fine. But when I looked around the hall, Charlie wasn't even out here. Where'd he go?

My phone vibrated so I pulled it from my pocket and checked the screen. She was on her way already, and since her work was a five-minute drive away, it wouldn't be long. Should I meet her at the office? In the staffroom? Keep standing here and ask her to bring it to me? I vaguely wondered how she'd react to finding me having been sent out of class.

I sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, annoyed at how quiet it was. There wasn't even any vague, muffled voices to show me I wasn't alone. No running and screaming down the hallway, or bodies jostling out of classroom doors. It was too quiet and lonely, and I really didn't enjoy this.

I wanted to hear Charlie's voice.

A thought – no, an idea – occurred to me. Since I could hear myself speak underwater, I wondered if I'd also be able to hear Charlie clearly, too. Without hearing aids. Even if I couldn't, then to at least have a conversation with him where I could hear myself speak without aids would feel so liberating.

It'd just be great if he didn't have to shout for me to hear him. It could be fun to try it out. Me and Charlie... in the bath... just wearing boxer shorts or something. Maybe we could go into a spa or something at the pools. Maybe he'd want to make out in one. What about a sauna? Shirtless and steamy with Charlie...

I jolted as my phone vibrated again. At risk of my thoughts being pulled elsewhere, I discreetly exited my perverted train of thoughts and checked the message. This time it was Ikeisha, not Mum.

Did u lip read or smth? That was so perfect hs

Well, for starters, she knew for a fact I couldn't lip read. I never bothered practicing when I was already focusing on sign and had my hearing aids in for the rest of the time. And then for Keish to even just abbreviate the words holy shit must've meant it was at the very least memorable.

No wat did she say, I replied.

Asked if u could hear her lol!! <3

Wait, I said no and told her not to be rude, answering her question as if I heard her loud and clear. It must've sounded so sarcastic and patronizing, no wonder she flared and sent me out the room. I had to laugh. Even Charlie would be proud of that one, I couldn't wait to tell him about it. Guess even someone like me could act like a clown. Just shows that his clown façade isn't all there is to him. Which I already knew.

If not for the way he treats me, it's all in his eyes.

I replied with, lololol then stuffed my phone back in my pocket. Since I knew she wouldn't respond to that, I leaned back and closed my eyes while I waited for Mum to text me that she's here. Or for someone to tap me and tell me to come back inside the classroom – whichever happened first.

But where was Charlie? The only mild guess I could make was that Tom was with him and that's why he whispered to Miss Wightman. Making asking permission or something. I just wasn't sure why.

Mum texted within the next ten minutes that I was still outside my classroom that she was here. I didn't feel any particular need, or like I owed it to Miss Wightman to let her know I was leaving so I sorta just went. Mum was dropping my aid at the office and I wanted to see if I could catch her before she left. Not for any particular reason, I guess. Just because.

As I took a left, I came across two people standing directly outside the teachers' office door. Donovan Hughes and Charlie. Since neither of them noticed me yet, I quickly stepped back behind the corner wall and poked my head around. They were talking, but I couldn't hear either of their voices. Not even just muffled.

They must be whispering.

Charlie didn't look impressed, but as the conversation went on, he expressed so many different emotions that I wouldn't even begin to guess what they were talking about... If Charlie weren't subconsciously signing words as he spoke. It didn't seem like he was aware of it at all. He must've been practicing sign in his own time because he was using words besides ones that I taught him.

Among words like boy, bathroom, and asshole – words I taught him – there were others like camera, wrong, and trouble. But the words were scattered so I wasn't able to piece anything together. He expressed annoyance, anger, repulsion, intrigue and astonishment in that short conversation. By the end of it, he stuck out his fist for Donny to fist bump.

Did they just become friends or something? No way would Charlie be friends with that guy. Maybe strike some sorta deal? They opened the office door, allowing me to see Tom at his computer desk for mere seconds before it closed behind them. After stepping out into the hall, I kind of just stood there, blinking, wondering what the heck that was all about.

I'd have to ask Charlie later. 

For now, I had to get to the office quickly. Maybe I could still get back to the classroom before the teacher decided to call me back inside. I just imagined her after discovering the truth and that I disappeared from outside the classroom. Not only kicking out the deaf kid but losing him, too. What a first day, I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sorry.

There was so much I wanted to say and talk about with Charlie. When I saw him next, I'd ask if he wanted to come over after school. Maybe even sleep over. He'd be keen for that; I was sure of it. I felt nervous, excited, and giddy. It's like I couldn't get enough time with him out of nowhere.

And I'd show him I could be brave.