As I find my way back down the hallway, Ethan calls my name. He's playing his video game while everyone is downstairs, and I find it rude, but I'm not his parent.

"What was that about with you and Maddie?" He asks. "You are with Katie, right? Or am I imagining things?"

I step inside and close the door behind me, shuffling heaps of clothes and random water bottles to make my way to his bed. It's so messy in here that it's disgusting.

"Yeah, I am." I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. "I was just going to tell her that she didn't have to tutor Katie. I know it'll be awkward for her, and-"

"And you had to let her know her hair was pretty." Ethan smiles and lets out a laugh, pausing his game so that he can look at me. "Look, I just want to let you know that I won't stand in your way anymore if you want to date my sister. I was stupid when we were in high school, and if you have feelings for her after all this time then I'm not going to hold you back anymore. Clearly you're serious about it, so I'm not opposed."

I stare at him dumbfounded for a few seconds, unsure of what to reply to that. He doesn't understand that what happened between Maddie and I wasn't all about his opinion of us. It was more than that.

And I'm with Katie now. She's funny, and gorgeous, and is kind hearted. She would do anything for anyone, and I appreciate that about her. I'm not going to give that up when Maddie probably doesn't even want a relationship with me anyways.

She had a five year plan, and we aren't there yet. She's at Yale and if I'm drafted for the NFL she surely won't want anything with me. I'd have to move and travel all the time. That's not a life she'd want to sign up for. Katie is all on board for it.

"Thanks, but that ship has sailed." I tell him. "I've been with Katie for a few months now and I really like her."

"Okay." He smiles as if I'm lying and starts his game back up. "I'm just saying, there's a reason why you just got a girlfriend after four years. And there's a reason why she's still single. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out."

"I think you're putting too much thought into it, bro." I chuckle and find my way back to his door, moving clothing and plates out of the way. "Maybe you should put some of that thought into cleaning your room."

"Fuck out of here!" He laughs as I close the door shut and let out a massive sigh.

I shouldn't have made the comment about her hair. I didn't know Ethan's door was open, and if I had then I would have kept my mouth shut. But Maddie looked gorgeous. She always looks gorgeous. Was it a crime to tell her that?

If I had known she would be here then I wouldn't have come over. I would have stayed as far away from her because I knew I would get like this. Suddenly my thoughts are all fuzzy, and all I can think about is her.

And just now, when she opened up that door in just a damn t-shirt, I pictured all of the things I could do to her. I miss those breasts, and I miss her face when I was inside of her.

I wanted to push her right into that room and down onto her bed. I'd move that little t-shirt up and lick her clit over and over again just like I used to. She was always so wet for me. The wettest anyone has ever been for me.

Good god.

What the hell is wrong with me?

It was only a fucking month that we dated, so why does it feel like a train came out of nowhere and hit me now that she's here? I've been with Katie for longer than we ever dated, but I don't feel like this around her.

Maybe it's because Maddie was my first love. She always will be. They say that it takes the longest to get over your first, and maybe that's just what this is. Maybe it's just going to take longer to heal from the breakup with her. Maybe four years wasn't enough time.

"Finally." Katie tugs on my arm when I reach the bottom step. She's waiting by the door, and I lean down to kiss her, cupping her cheek with my hand.

"Sorry, Ethan wanted to talk to me." I say as I pull away. "Are you ready to go?"

Mary is barreling towards us though with a plate wrapped in tinfoil. "Wait!" She calls out. "I have some cookies for you both to bring home."

She pulls me in for a warm embrace as Katie sends her a smile and takes the plate. It's not until I go to pull away that she says, "I'm sorry about Maddie, honey. We didn't know she would be here until last minute."

Clearing my throat awkwardly, Katie furrows her eyebrows together in confusion as she looks from me to Mary. "Sorry, but why is it a problem if Maddie is here?"

"Oh." Mary laughs nervously when she realizes she just let out a truth I hadn't gotten around to yet. "Oh dear." She says again. "I, um.. have to get back to the party."

Katie hands the plate back to me and storms outside, and I quickly follow on her heels until we reach my car. "Katie." I grasp onto her wrist so that she'll turn to face me. "I was going to tell you, I just-"

"When were you going to tell me?" She blinks away tears. "You talk about her all the time, but I just thought she was your childhood best friend. I didn't think you guys had a past."

"We only dated for like a month." I say, and that seems to calm her down for the time being. "It didn't work out between us."

"Why?" She asks.

"Because-" I stop myself, trying to come up with a reasonable excuse. "Because we were going separate ways. She didn't want to be in a long distance thing, and we both needed to have time to find ourselves after high school."

"Oh, great." She throws her hands up and throws open the passenger side door. "So she's the one that ended things."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I grab onto her wrist again before she can get into the car. "Katie." I whisper, setting the plate of cookies on top of the car. "I'm with you for a reason, alright? Maddie and I aren't together anymore. It's been years since we dated."

I tilt her chin up with my fingertips and kiss her gently, trying to let her know how much she means to me. It doesn't take long before her hands come around the sides of my face to pull me closer, and I let my hands travel down her back.

"Ok, let's go home." She pants, and the look in her eye lets me know that she wants me and that all is forgiven. I've grown accustomed to it.

"Well, we could..." I inch her back towards the car, and she hits me swiftly on the shoulder.

"Absolutely not." She giggles. "Sex is for the bedroom."

Immediately, like a switch goes off, images of Maddie flood back in. I don't want them to, and I try to force them out, but I picture her in my car, riding the shit out of me. I remember the weekend at the Grand Canyon when I took her in that bathroom stall. She was ready for me at all times, and the sex we had was so... hot.

What the fuck am I even doing right now?

Letting out another sigh, I grab the cookies from the top of the car and go around to the drivers seat.

I'm not going to keep thinking about Maddie. She said she wanted a five year plan, and even when we get there we will still have to be long distance. It's never going to work between us and I just have to accept that. I need to move on.

I have to stay away from her as much as I possibly can if I want whatever Katie and I have to last.

Grabbing onto Katie's hand, I bring it up to my mouth to kiss it.

"Let's go home then." I say with a wicked grin, the one that I know will get me what I want.

😂