It's one in the morning when I get to her dorm room. It had taken me three hours to get here. Devin let me borrow his car. Not an ounce of me wants to do this, but after I put a lot of thought into it I realize it's my only choice. I have to do this as much as I don't want to. After these two years of hell are over with I'll hopefully be able to tell her the truth and we can be together again, but until then I need to make sure she can chase her dreams.

I knock gently, blinking away tears that have been threatening to pour out since I got into Devin's car. She's just in a t-shirt and a pair of underwear when she opens the door, her curly hair piled high into a messy bun on top of her head.

Her eyes are swollen and bloodshot, deep and heavy bags underneath them. It looks like she hasn't slept in days.

"Cameron?" She asks in disbelief, blinking tiredly. "Wait, what are you doing here?"

A part of her looks scared to see me. Maybe it's because she can tell from the expression on my face that I'm here to deliver bad news. The worst news I've ever had to say.

"Uh, can I come in?" I clear my throat and glance behind her into her dorm room. It looks like she just moved in, not a piece of her to be found. It's just a tiny twin bed with no posters, no artwork, just a basic pink comforter on the bed.

She nods and sits down onto her bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. "How did you know where I stay?"

"Ethan." I tell her. "He texted me your address."

"And you drove here in the middle of the night?"

I sit down next to her and put my face into my hands, letting out a huge sigh that I've been holding in on the way here. I can't tell her the real reason why I'm ending this, and it's killing me.

"Um..." I sigh again. "Look, Mads..."

"What?" She asks. "Cam, why are you being so weird?"

I turn my eyes to hers, and after staring at me for a few seconds it's like she's piecing the puzzle together. The reason I drove here so early. The reason it looks like I'll break down at any given second.

"No." She whispers, and she lets out a chortled sob. "Cam, please. No."

"Mads, I thought I could do the long distance, but..."

"No." She puts forehead on top of her knees and continues to sob, her body shaking from the devastation. I want to be anywhere but here right now. I want this to all be some nightmare that I'll wake up from at any given minute.

After another thirty seconds or so she finally lifts her head up, and the pain in her eyes is almost too much to bear. I hadn't realized it until now, but I'm crying too.

"What the hell happened?" She asks, and now her voice is laced with anger. "I thought everything was going so well. You asked me to fucking marry you."

"I know." I bite on my lip, but the tears won't stop falling.

"Do you? I don't think you understand the severity of this, Cam. You can't just end it. You can't just drop me like I'm nothing! Is this because of what I did to you all of those years ago? Is this some sort of dark, twisted way of getting revenge?"

"Revenge?" I furrow my eyebrows together in confusion. "You think that what happened between us was planned?"

"What the hell else am I supposed to think!" She explodes and stands up from the bed to start pacing back and forth. I knew she'd be angry, I knew she'd be devastated, but I've never seen her like this. "What the fuck happened!" She screams. "Why are you doing this?"

"Mads." I stand up and grab onto her wrists to try and calm her down, but it doesn't seem to help. "I'm so sorry." I cry. "I'm sorry."

"Get off of me!" She screams and shoves me back with her hands, shoving me again when I do nothing but stand there in shock.

She does it a third time, and this time I grab onto her wrists. "Mads, stop!" I plead. "Stop it, okay? Baby, stop!"

"I hate you!" She screams and lunges for a fourth time at me. "You have no idea what the fuck you just did!"

Every piece of my heart that was hanging on by a thread completely snaps at her words. It completely breaks me, my worst fear coming true. I thought for some stupid reason that after these two years are up I'd be able to get her back again, but not after seeing this reaction from her. When she said she hated me she genuinely meant it.

I pull her to my chest and hug her tightly, trying to somehow let her know how much I don't want to do this. I don't want to end things with her, but if I don't she'll lose everything. Everything she's worked so hard for.

Maybe I can find a loophole. Maybe I can find a way to gain access to that video and delete it, but until then this just has to happen. I have to protect her. Even if it means destroying her heart in the process.

"Why?" She begs. "I-Is there someone else? Is that why you're doing this?"

She's insane for ever thinking that, but in order to truly end this with her I have to hurt her. I have to figure out a way to make sure she doesn't contact me. Even though it's going to be painful as hell.

"Yes." I choke out. "I'm sorry."

"And you couldn't have done this over the fucking phone?" She pulls out of my embrace and crosses her arms over her chest. "Is it Katie? You're going back to her?"

I'll have to fake propose to her at some point, so I nod my head, more tears falling onto my cheeks. "I'm sorry." I repeat. It's the only thing I can think of to say.

"I can't fucking believe this." She cries harder, suddenly clutching onto her stomach. "Oh god."

Racing over to her trash can, she starts to vomit. The anxiety and shock must be eating away at her, and it's making me feel ten times worse. I sink down beside her and hold her hair, stroking her back until she finally comes up for air.

The sadness in her eyes has vanished, and now it looks like I'm the last person she wants to see right now.

"Get out." She sneers. "Get the fuck out Cameron."

Cameron.

The full name stings as I hear it come out of her mouth, but I can't say I blame her.

"Mads, I'm sorry. Please, let me help you at least calm down. Let me-"

"Get the fuck out!" She stands to her feet again and points to her door. "Don't call me Mads anymore. Don't call me baby. Don't call me anything ever again! Get out!"

I've never seen her like this. This is killing me inside. I'm panting heavily, wiping quickly at the tears that are never ending. This is my worst nightmare. I'm losing her.

And I don't think in two years she's going to take me back. Not after this.

She shoves me towards the door, and as much as I want to get down on my knees and beg her to let me stay, as much as I want to tell her the truth, I know that I can't.

If it were up to me I'd pull her into my chest and I'd kiss her endlessly. I'd apologize again and again until she forgave me. I'd ask her to marry me again.

"And Cameron?" She shoves me again until I'm standing in the hallway, my chest constricting and heaving up and down. "I never want to see your fucking face again."

Slamming the door shut, it takes a second to register with me that she and I are done with for good. I just lost her. I just lost the one good thing to ever happen to me because of a crazy fucking ex girlfriend.

"FUCK!" I pound my fist on her door and stalk off down the hallway, a couple of girls shouting at me to shut up from behind their doors. I'm so furious that I don't even care. I hit the door open and the cold air hits me like a smack to the face.

Was I stupid for withholding the truth from her? If I did tell her what happened and Katie found out then not only would Maddie's career be done with, but mine would be as well.

I can't risk that.

I just have to get through these next two years, and hopefully at the end of them Maddie will let me back into her life again somehow by the grace of god when she hears the truth.

I never wanted to end things with her. I would never want to end things with her. She's the only girl I will ever want.

I guess until these next two years are up I'll just have to live my life in absolute fucking misery.