Love shouldn't be warm or even just hot; it should be a burning flame of passion and a smoking cloud of lust that never fades away.

Can we have such a kind of love?

I don't even know if he loves me. No, he doesn't. How stupid am I to tell him that I still love him? He never loved me. Not seven years back and not even now.

Why do you expect, Ashna? Expectation hurts.

This is Roy. Roy can have any woman in this world. Who will want me? I'm not even of his standard. He deserves the most beautiful and smart woman in this world. I am nothing, nothing compared to the women he dated.

Who will want a broken woman like me? I'm still gathering the broken pieces of my heart. Trying to fix myself for him, for myself.

Why the hell do I always keep thinking about him, when I know there is no future for us? Two days before I was talking about fighting for my love, for him and now here I'm sitting and criticizing myself.

Congratulation, to my low self-esteem.

"Momaaaaaaa!"

"Mommaaaa!"

In two seconds, I was on my feet, running downstairs from where Avery was shouting her lungs out. I hope she is fine.

"Avery!" I called out.

"Momma, I'm here." Her voice came from the theatre room.

"Are you okay, princess? Why were you shouting? Are you hurt?" I asked in a state of panic.

"Calm down, momma. I'm fine." Avery said, licking the empty ice-cream cup.

"Then why were you shouting like that? You got momma scared!" I stood there folding my arms and staring at my beautiful, naughty daughter.

"I'm sorry." She pouts her lips. "Lan ate up all my ice-cream." That adorable look on her face can melt the Arctic.

"When did Lan come here?" I ask. Lan and Avery seemed to be best friends now.

"He was here when you were upstairs reading novel and then you took a nap." She stared at her empty ice-cream cup and frowned. "He ate all my ice-cream, momma." She whined.

"Hmm. So you are angry with him?" I ask my daughter.

"Yes."

"So what should we do now?"

"Go and get ice-cream!" Avery beamed with joy. I laughed at her excitement.

"Better we go to the park or shopping?" I suggest.

"Park."

"Okay. Get your shoes on."

"Are you going to drive momma?"

"Yes baby, your Jay uncle is on leave." I inform her.

"Okay." She smiled and went to get her shoes on.

I got the car keys, my purse and phone. I'm debating with myself from morning to call Roy or not. Should I call him or not? I kept staring at my phone again.

He could've also called but he didn't. I won't call. I decide.

"Why are you frowning, momma?" Avery asked as she came out wearing her red shoes.

"No. I'm not frowning."

"You should call Polar Bear." She says and smiles.

"What?" How did she know that i was thinking about calling him or not. God!

"Call him or I'll call polar bear." She commands and I roll my eyes.

I hand Avery my phone. "Call him and tell him to come to the park."

Avery beams. She takes the phone from my hand and calls Roy.

"Polar bear!... We are going to the park, Can you come, please?.... okay, bye." She hung up the phone and handed back to me.

"So....?" I ask curiously.

"He is coming." Avery starts dancing with excitement. Your momma is also excited like you to see him baby.

So he is coming.

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Dark brown curls fell on her face. Black eyes sparkled due to the setting sun. Her tongue licked her full pink lips, licking away the cold ice-cream.

I want to run my fingers on her fair and smooth skin. I want to re-live those days when I ran my tongue over her bottom lip and she quivered under my intensity. I want to suck her tongue and taste her fully, only better this time.

I want to remove her hair from her shoulder and brush my lips on her neck, suck her skin and make it red. Last time I kissed her neck, her skin was burning with passion. I want to feel her hot skin against mine, again.

I want to do so many things to her. I want to make her moan in pleasure and scream out my name. I want to show her how I'm falling for her.

I want to make her feel loved.

Loved? I want to make her feel loved but I don't even know what do I exactly feel for her.

Do I love her? I don't know.

Do I want her in my life? Yes!

Do I want to hurt her again? No, never!

Do I want to spend my life with her? Yes!

How will I understand that I love her? Wait, what is exactly love? Is it about dreaming of her all night and smiling stupidly? Yes. Is the strange feeling of jealousy that I have when any man looks at her? Yes. Is it the physical need, the longing that I have for her? Yes.

The word sounds so foreign in my tongue. Yet, it feels like home.

A very beautiful music broke my self debate. Her laughter. It is the best music to my ears. I can hear it all day for the rest of my life.

Avery and Ashna were laughing and playing. How long was I staring and thinking? Moments ago, Ashu was sitting beside me, licking her ice-cream and now she is there playing with Snow.

Do I want to see them like this? Yes. Always. Do I want a family like this? Not 'like this'. This is exactly what I want. Ashna and Avery- My Family.

Can anything be more beautiful than this? Her smile, the spark in her eyes, the way her face brightens when Avery giggles, the way she smiles when she looks at me, her eyes- pitch black eyes.

The uniqueness of her pitch black never cease to amaze me. Her eyes are demanding and mysterious at the same time-it's like they hold some dark secrets but at the same time they are soothing, loveable and calm, her eyes holds the knowledge of life, the sadness that she endured and the happiness that she achieved.

Everything about her is amazing. She is amazing.

"Roy?"

"Ye...yeah? What?" I broke my stance. When did she come and sit beside me? I'm not complaining, though.

Am I losing my mind?

"What are you thinking?" She asked, creasing her brows. My fingers itch to touch her forehead and straighten her creased eye brows.

I know, I'm officially insane.

"You." I say without thinking.

"What about me?" She asks in a very soft voice.

"Uhm... I was thinking... that..." how much I love you and didn't realize it until now.

"What?" She presses.

"You look beautiful." I say instead. She blushes crimson. Though it's true, she is breathtakingly beautiful.

She looks away and I smirk. I tuck her hair behind her ears. "Thanks." She says, smiling.

"Ashu...?"

"Yeah?" She doesn't look at me.

"Do you love me?" I don't know what came to my mind before I could stop myself from asking her that question.

She looks at me and nods her head. "Yes. Yes I do." She looks away again.

Relief fills my body, heart and soul. I only needed assurance.

"It's getting late, we should go." We both smile and walk towards my car. Just to live a little longer on planet earth, I drove them here to the park instead of Ashna driving here with Snow. That woman is a loose murderer on the streets with her car.

"Okay."

I pull the car out of parking, Ashu sitting beside me and staring out of the window. Avery plays with her hair in the back seat.

Tension is thick in the air. No one speaks and soon, Ashna's mansion came in sight.

Avery runs to the front door to their house as I stop the car.

Ashna smiles and gets out. I don't know what to say. Will I just say goodbye and leave?

Fuck! What should I do?

As I debate with myself, Ashna calls out my name.

"Roy?"

"Yeah?" I'm glad that she is talking now.

"Uhm.... do you... love me?" She stands there fidgeting with her fingers, a nervous habit.

I don't know what to say. Should I say it now? How will I say it?

"I.... umh...."

"Momma!" Snow calls.

Ashna smiles and shakes her head. I couldn't say I love her.

"Until next time, Roy." She smiles and waves at me.

I love you.

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what is the meaning of your first name? o_O

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