Do you miss yourself?

Do you miss the person you were before all the betrayals, heartbreaks, pain and sorrow?

I do.

Is this even normal to feel like this? I ask myself. Normal is mainstream. My subconscious answers my question.

I wonder, what would've happened if seven years back I didn't meet Roy? What would've happened if my father wasn't such a bad example of a parent? What would've happened if Roy didn't ditch me?

Ugh.... why am I thinking all this?

Knock! Knock!

It was my P.A. "Mam? May I come in?"

"Come in."

My P.A. came in with a huge bouquet of white roses. The bouquet hid her small, fine body behind.

"Someone left this for you at the reception." She said.

"Who sent them?" I ask, sensing that one of our business dealers might have sent that.

"Anonymous."

I gave her an incredulous look. Seriously? Did I pay her for her stupidity? What if these flowers contain some malicious virus? What if there is bomb in that bouquet holder? Nowadays they fit bomb in a cow's stomach so a flower bouquet is nothing.

Being the good hearted boss, I didn't say her anything and let her go. "Keep it in the table."

I loved white roses. A few people know about it. Who can send me this beautiful piece of heaven?

After my P.A. left, I savoured the smell and the freshness of the white roses.

There was a small sparkling blue piece of paper. It was tiny in size. If the paper wasn't sparkling then it would have gone unnoticed.

I opened the piece of paper and it was written in a very familiar handwriting.

"What are we?"

--R.

Roy.

What does he mean? Weird!

Today morning when I woke up to make breakfast, he was already gone without leaving a message. I wondered why? But came up with bo specific answer.

He was done with the sweet time that you both spent last night. My inner self snapped.

I shut my inner voices and focused in my present.

What are we?

Friends? No. Its more.

Aquaintances ? Probably, yes.

Lovers? Never.

Is he confused like me about the status of our relationship or just playing up again?

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The day was downright boring. I almost dozed off. The office was eerily silent and it was only lunch time.

The season is off. My deals are ahead of this completion time, my workers are working with generous heart.

Annie was on her trip to Jamaica with Parth. Avery is spending most of her time with Lan and her new school friends. Lan is her new best friend. Everyone is happy and here I'm bored with my ass on this leather chair and dozing off.

Do I sound like a CEO of this great fashion company?

"Ashna?" Shay came in.

"Yeah?" I replied in an extremely bored tone.

"Wanna grab lunch? You look bored to death." She chuckled.

"Hmm." I dropped my head in the table again.

"Oh my God! Look at these beautiful flowers. Who sent them?" She made a girly shriek and asked me glancing at the white roses.

Should I tell her? No. "Um... a friend sent them."

"I see." She arched her perfect eyebrows.

After receiving the roses, I tried calling Roy but his phone went to voicemail directly. He wasn't in office and he didn't reply to my text messages.

Sighing, I got up from my chair, fixed my hair and called my driver to bring the car in front of the main glassdoors.

Lunch with Shay would be a change of mind for now.

"Lets go."

We walked downstairs, chatting about a guy whom Shay was dating and his antics.

The receptionist called, " Mam?"

"Yes? Why didn't you take off for lunch?" I asked, she was a new girl, working part time.

She looked uncomfortable and I gave her a small smile to ease her a little. "A letter came in for you few minutes ago." She handed me a white envelope. Shay looked at me with suspicion.

Sending letters are outdated, people work with emails now.

I turned it over and the initial said it all.

R.

"Its Roy." I smiled at Shay.

"You are my boss and all but we are friends before that so can I ask something?"

"Sure go ahead." I tore open the envelope.

"Is something going on between you and Roy?" She asked, almost regretting that it as the words came out of her mouth.

"What?" I laughed. "Its nothing like that." I didn't go into details. Shay was a friend of mine but she was also the queen of office gossip. I can't risk telling her anything. Annie would kill me if I tell her anything, anyway.

"I'm sorry I asked that." She sighed.

"It's okay. I get it." I don't really. I know what she wants to gossip about.

I opened the letter and started reading the first letter, there were two.

First one was his resignation letter. I scrunched my eyebrows. Why would he leave the job?

"Guess what?" I asked Shay.

"What?" Stupid girl!

"We have to look for a new photographer chief." I said dryly.

"Why?" Shay was shocked.

"Roy resigned."

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The waitress took us to our booth and we ordered chinese.

I fiddled with the white envelope and took out the second letter from Roy.

It was handwritten. The previous one was printed. I wonder why he didn't just mail me?

The second letter read...

Ashna,

I'm following the path that you showed me. This resignation is a new step ahead.

I was thinking about the question I asked earlier with the roses.

WHAT ARE WE, ASHNA?

Definitely, not just friends. We are more. So what are we exactly?

You comfort me. You let me kiss your neck. You let me crash in your house at 3 am. You give me advices and my parents love you.

Why do I feel the giddiness when I'm near you? Why do I die to eat your home cooked food? Why do I dream about you every night and day? Why do I want to make you smile always?

Your smile makes my day.

I'm confused. I can't think straight.

WHAT ARE WE, ASHNA?

Will you help me to find out what are we and what can we be in future?

--Roy.

"Why are you grinning?" Shay asked me eyeing me up curiously.

I didn't realize that I had a wide smile pasted in my face. "Um.... nothing." I replied.

There is hope. Hope for us.

How much I try I can't suppress the growing happiness, giddiness and the dancing butterflies in me.

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6:30 p.m.

The cold breeze hit my face and the sun was on its brim. I love the view from terrace. It's beautiful. The pink and orange hue covers the sky.

The cold breeze gave me goosebumps.

Times like this are perfect to thank the Superior for all that I have.... family, friends, home and the love from all, Roy- he doesn't reciprocate my feelings but still I thank God for giving me an ounce of hope from that letter and his question.

The doorbell rang when I was busy embracing myself and this young weather.

I ran down to the door and opened it without looking at the visual intercom.

I opened the door and no one was there, I looked left and right and still no one in sight.

"Meow!"

Cat? I looked down and there was a brown kitten in a small basket. A small blue colour sparkle paper was hanging from the kitten's neck.

If the statement can ever be true then this is the moment when my heart started dancing.

A kitten! This is so damn thoughtful and romantic.

I picked up the basket and placed it in the table.

"Meow! Meow!" This kitten is cute as a peanut. Peanut? Seriously?!

I took the letter in my finger and it read: "Wear the dress and meet me at Silver Spring Park. At 8pm."

I lifted up kitty from the basket and placed her in the sofa beside me and she ran off to the theatre room. Avery will love her new pet.

There was a blue box inside and I opened it, it contained a white dress.

The dress was very beautiful. Roy is making this so memorable and romantic. I'm ready to unwrap whatever is next.

I've a date to go! I squealed like a teenager.

I knocked on Avery's room and went inside.

"Sweetie.... have you completed your homework?"

"No momma." She looked tensed and sat on her study table with copies and Maths text books on it.

"Do you need help?" I offered. She is a brilliant child but Maths is always a problem to her.

"No momma, I want to do it by myself." She said, concentrating on her work. "Maybe I should call Lan over, he helps me in Maths."

Lan? I don't understand there friendship or whatever it is. Lan is just an 18 year old and he spends so much time with Avery. I frown, I should check this matter. She is only 10. A teenager with a kid, strange.

You're overthinking.

"Okay. Call him over if he is free. I've to go out and I'll be back late. Call Lan and ask if he can come over or else I will call the sitter." I smiled at her.

"Okay momma, I'll call Lan. I don't like the sitter, she eats up my ice-cream." I laughed the way Avery complained.

"Okay sweetie."

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