I started to distance myself from Clay after that day. I hated how he talked to me, how he talked about me, how he didn't believe my relationship with Nick was platonic and familial. I knew his jealousy wasn't new. I noticed it back at the park lunch when Nick joined us. With all honesty, the distance wasn't intentional. I just didn't have the energy to deal with him or our relationship. I had stopped sleeping. I was so stressed.

When I closed my eyes I saw Adam. Sometimes he was on me, other times he was bleeding on the floor. Both scared me. Both made it impossible to relax. My confidence was shot now. I wanted to start uploading music soon but I couldn't get myself to do it. My mom's pregnancy was going well, too well for my comfort. It scared me. The little time I spent out of bed was with Nick. He wouldn't leave me alone. I appreciated it but it made time with Clay impossible. Nick stopped talking to Clay altogether which meant he wouldn't let me talk to him either.

"Hey." My door had creaked open to Clay's face looking down at me. I was snuggled up in my bed scrolling through Twitter.

"Hi."

"You haven't left your room today so I brought you some water and a snack."

"I'm not hungry."

"Anja." He fully stepped into my room with a tray. He made me some toast with sliced strawberries and grapes on the side. He set it down on my nightstand. "You're worrying me. You haven't been talking to me. I know I made you mad. I'm sorry, but I'm worried about you. You haven't been eating all week. I can tell you haven't been sleeping either."

"I'm fine." That was a lie. I knew it was a lie. He knew it was a lie.

"No, you're not." He sat down on the bed next to me, brushing my hair out of my face to behind my ear. "I think you should get help. Or at least talk to someone."

"I have been." That was a lie too. "I've talked to Nick about it. I'm okay." I sat up in my bed before crawling off. "I'm gonna go." I left him alone in my room. I just didn't want to talk about it, to anyone. I threw myself onto the living room couch crushing my face into the cushion. I felt my phone ring in my hand and looking down to see "Mutti (Mother)."

"Oh. Hi Anja." It was a man with a deep voice and thick accent at the end of the line.

"Hello?" I sat up on the couch as worry settled in my stomach.

"Hi. It's Miguel. I had to call you on her phone. I-I don't know your number. I'm not sure how to tell you this." His voice was breathy and panicked. "Your mom, she just went to labor a few minutes ago."

"What? She 2 months early?"

"Yes. Yes. They... Anja the doctors said they don't know if she or the baby will make it. They are doing emergency surgery but the odds are looking good."

"Oh god." I cried. Tears were now pouring down my face.

"I know she should want you to be here." I could hear the sniffles from his end. I couldn't imagine how worried he was.

"I'll... I'll be there as soon as I can. I'll go get a ticket now. Thank you, Miguel."

"Of course Anja. I'll keep you updated."

I ended the call and threw my phone onto the coffee table. I curled my knees into my chest and cried so hard I couldn't breathe. I knew it was coming, the bad news. I could feel it. Seeing Adam wasn't enough, this had to happen too.

"Anja!" Nick wiped around the couch and fell to the floor in front of me. "What's wrong?"

I pulled my head out of my knees to look at him. "My mom. The baby. They may not make it."

"Oh no." He grabbed my hands and forced me to stand up with him before wrapping me into a deadly tight hug. "I'm so sorry." He petted my head. "I'll get you a ticket go asap, okay? I promise." I nodded into his embrace. He held me for a while, just letting me cry. After some time the tears stopped. "I think we should go now." I nodded. He placed a soft kiss on my cheek then walked away to his room, leaving me alone.

Everything felt hazy and distant. My head was pounding and my lungs felt constricted from my lack of proper breathing. I stood there holding myself, waiting for Nick to come back.

I felt a hand land on my back, whipping me around. "What the fuck was that?"

"What?" Clay's face was red with anger, his hand clenched on my shoulder.

"He fucking kissed you."

"What?" As loud as he was, the words weren't processing in my head. His lips moved but they made no sense to me. I just slipped out of his grip and walked upstairs.

"Don't leave me, and don't play dumb. I saw it. He just kissed you after you were hugging."

I opened my bedroom door but he grabbed the handle, pulling it shut. "Why are you yelling at me again?"

"Because I'm pissed that my girlfriend fucking kissed someone else."

"I-I didn't kiss Nick."

"I fucking saw it."

"Stop yelling at me." I shoved him away from me. "I need to pack." I finally got my door open and walked in. He followed and slammed the door behind us. He grabbed my wrist and turned me around. "Don't fucking touch me. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Why are you leaving?"

"My mom is in the hospital Clay! She's sick!"

"What?"

"Look. I don't have the energy to deal with your jealousy bullshit right now. I'm getting a ticket to leave as quickly as I can. You can come if you want but I need to leave."

"Is Nick coming?" I started him down, rage filling me. He didn't seem to notice.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Are you being serious right now?"

"I want to know if he's coming."

"Fuck you, Clay." I pulled my suitcase from under my bed.

"Anja." He went to turn me to him again.

"No. Clay." I shoved him again. "The invitation is gone now. You're going to sit in your fucking room and get over yourself and this stupid jealousy fit you're having. I'm going to say this one last time." I shoved my finger into his shoulder, poking him to each word. "Nick. Is. My. Brother. The affection we share is familial. Now me and my BROTHER are going home to see my sick MOTHER who is in the hospital and you're going to stay here. Alone. Now get out of my room."

"Anja, I-"

"GET OUT!" He stumbled back from my scream. The hurt in his eyes would have made me feel guilty if I wasn't so angry. I just wanted him away from me. I just wanted to go home and see my mom. I was so scared I wouldn't get a last time with her. I was scared she would be like my grandmother who died giving birth to my mom. I was scared that I would be like her someday. I was scared I would lose my sibling. Clay's feelings were at the back of my mind.

"Fine." Then he walked out.