While it had been easy to come to the decision of going to the art exhibit alone on Saturday night, it wasn't as easy dealing with the stress that came afterwards. Even talking to Chuck and listening to his encouraging words didn't seem to help as my anxiety only grew with each passing minute. What to wear, what to say, how to act - those things kept me on an edge all day Thursday.

I couldn't even get myself to paint a thing, even after I'd moved all my painting supplies back to the studio and brought my notebook filled with sketches of Ojai. My creative mind was brimming with so many ideas, but my practical mind was too nervous to act on them. All I could think about was whether someone would recognize me from the Beverly Hills incident, or worse - what if David would be there?

That night, Erik called but I was tucking Michael to bed. He was hyper-active, probably from the juice I had given him too late in the day, and he didn't get to sleep till after ten. By the time I called Erik back, my call went straight to voicemail. I remembered then that he was working from Thursday to Saturday.

The following morning, Olivia came over to see if I wanted to come along with her to LA. She wanted to see for herself how her portrait had been presented. Afterwards, she said, she wanted to take me to see Erik's clinic. She also had a few things to discuss with the employees anyway that she couldn't do over the phone.

I didn't know how I felt about seeing Erik that day, but secretly, I was excited. I missed him terribly, and wanted to apologize for hanging up on him on Wednesday night. But I didn't want to burden him with my anxiety over Saturday night, and I prayed that I wouldn't blurt anything out that would indicate to him that I was a wreck about it.

An hour later, we made our way to LA, battling the usual traffic on the 101 freeway. But when we got there, the gallery was closed and Olivia realized that in her excitement to see her portrait, she'd mistaken 1:00 for 10:00. Figuring we'd just come back later, we then headed for Erik's office.

We got stuck behind some construction along one of the main streets, and Olivia ended up calling the office to get suggestions on which streets to take instead. A woman named Maria gave us directions that were much more efficient than what the GPS presented us with, and soon Olivia was driving through city streets with ease. In the back seat, Michael and Bella were somehow enraptured by some Disney movie playing on the TV monitors behind our headrests.

Olivia could have left Bella with the in-laws, she said, but it had been awhile since she'd brought Bella to the clinic and the staff missed her. The clinic also had a playground, she said, and Michael and Bella would enjoy themselves while we visited.

"I've never really said this, Sam, but I'm really glad that you and Erik are seeing each other," Olivia said. "I really am. He's so much happier since he's met you."

"I'm afraid I can be too temperamental for him sometimes," I said.

"So what? We women usually are. Besides you're an artist. Just don't cut your ear off - or his ear for that matter - if you ever get angry," she laughed.

Trinity Medical Center was a gray two-story building along a busy street. Already I could see patients lined up outside, waiting to be seen. It was a gated property, and Olivia explained that they'd had to put up the fence and hire security because of two break-in attempts the past year.

"Why would anyone want to break into a clinic? Do you carry medicines, too? Like those over-the-counter stuff?" I asked.

"More than just OTC, Sam. We carry prescription medications. Painkillers, anti-inflammatories, and others," Olivia replied. "We also carry Suboxone, as part of the harm reduction program. That along with some prescription painkillers can be a temptation."

In addition to providing affordable healthcare services to the community which included acupuncture and massage, the clinic also provided access to medicines that patients otherwise would not be able to afford if they had to go to the pharmacy, even with the doctor's prescription. Since they didn't have medical insurance, they'd be charged full price for the medicines - and Erik knew they'd never be able to afford it.

The clinic staff greeted us as we entered through the back entrance. They all knew Olivia and Bella, of course, though they did not know know me or Michael. As the staff gushed over the two toddlers, Olivia introduced me as a friend of the family.

"I hope you don't mind if I told them you're a family friend," Olivia said as we entered Erik's office. "Erik hates bringing personal stuff into the workplace. Besides, there's enough professional drama between him and Serena to provide the office with enough gossip for months."

Two of the staff members took Bella and Michael to a shaded play area and though I was nervous about letting go of Michael, Olivia assured me it was alright.

"Erik's in consultation right now though," she said, leading me into Erik's office. "I don't know if he'll be able to see us before we leave, but he knows we're here."

"I really don't want to bother him, so if he's busy, I don't want him to take time away from patients. I'm just happy I finally get to see this place. He's so proud of it," I said, looking out the barred window at Michael and Bella being pushed on the swing.

"We all are. This whole clinic is a joint effort," Olivia said. "Hey, are you going to be alright in here while I tell the staff a few things? I shouldn't take too long."

I nodded. "Go ahead and do whatever you need to do. I might go out there and join Michael."

While Olivia left the office to meet with the staff, I took my time to look at the certificates and licenses on the walls, including framed photographs of the clinic from its inception three years earlier.

In most of the earlier pictures, Serena was standing next to Erik, his arm around her shoulder, both of them smiling. There were pictures of people breaking ground, tilling the soil for the outdoor herb garden and even painting the walls. A few of them were of Serena seeing patients in her lab coat, though to me they looked posed, as if she knew the camera was there. Erik's pictures were more informal. There was him laughing with children at the play area and another with a child appearing to shout into the stethoscope while Erik knitted his brow in concentration.

There were pictures of other doctors, too, as well as nurses and other assistants. There were those that were marked as volunteers and interns. His wall was filled with pictures of the community he served.

I pulled my eyes away from the pictures and looked outside the window, at Michael laughing as a young woman wearing scrubs was pushing him higher and higher on the swing. I should be out there doing that, I thought, instead of stewing in here over some woman. Just then, the door opened and Erik walked in.

He was dressed in a blue shirt and dark slacks underneath a white doctor's coat. "Well, what a surprise," he grinned, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the rack behind the door. "I should have known Liv had a plan when she told me I needed to sign a few things in here."

He washed his hands at the sink next to the door as I found myself becoming giddy with excitement, each second building upon the next. As son as he dried his hands and turned to face me, I ran to him and felt him gather me in a deep hug. My feet left the ground as I clung to him, all my worries forgotten.

"I missed you," I breathed as he silenced me with a light kiss before putting me back down.

"Well, I've missed you, too," Erik said, still holding me in an embrace.

"I'm sorry about what I said Wednesday night."

"It's forgotten, Sam," he said as I took a step back so I could look at him. "How long have you been here?"

"About ten minutes. I hope we're not bothering you."

"I've got two doctors on staff today besides myself. I'm handling the harm reduction program anyway so my load isn't too heavy. Dispensing, counseling - the usual," he said, pulling me with him as he sat on edge of his desk and positioning me in front of him. "Collin told me he met with you yesterday, and that you're going to be there tomorrow night. I'm so proud of you, Sam."

I lowered my eyes, my face burning. "Well, don't say that till it's over. Who knows? I just might chicken out at the last minute."

"I hope you won't," he said. "I'm making arrangements to be out of here much earlier and I just might make it on time."

"You don't have to do that, Erik," I said. "I need to learn to do things on my own. That way, if I fall flat on my face, I can pick myself up on my own as well."

"You have to give yourself more credit, Sam," Erik said, his expression turning serious. "You won't fall flat on your face. In fact, I know that you'll do very well."

"I wish Rosie could be there," I said. "She'd have been so proud of me."

"She was always proud of you, Sam," Erik said. "I still can't forget the look on her face when she saw your painting on my wall. It was like she was trying so hard to keep a secret - that she knew who painted it - but failing miserably. And tomorrow, the South Bay's best kept secret will be out. You can't remain a secret forever."

He was still sitting on the edge of his desk, with me standing in front of him, his arms around my waist. Because Olivia had wanted to go to the gallery first, I didn't want to look too casual. And so I had worn a nicer ensemble than the usual shirt and jeans that I usually wore. This time, I wore a red blouse over a printed red and white floral skirt that skimmed my ankles. It made me feel so ladylike. And as Erik's arms tightened around my waist, it made also me feel quite mischievous as I batted my eyelashes at him.

Erik raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "You're planning something naughty, aren't you?" He whispered, resting his forehead against mine. "Whatever it is, though, I doubt I can play."

"Are you sure?" I asked, my fingers tugging at his tie, sliding down the length of it playfully.

He groaned. "I never mix business with pleasure."

"You know that I'm just going to take that as a challenge."

"Somehow I wouldn't be surprised if you did," he murmured. "Unfortunately, if I did play, these walls talk."

By this time, the bait had been set and there was no turning back. I missed him. And I wanted him. "Will they talk if I do this?" I asked, kissing him on the lips. It was a long, drawn out kiss that brought out a sigh from Erik.

When I drew back, I saw him mull it over. "I doubt it. It won't even get them talking at all."

"What about this?" I kissed him on the lips again, this time, my arms circling his neck and moving closer. My tongue slipped between his lips, tasting him before I pulled away.

"Still not scandalous enough," he whispered. "I suspect you're holding back though."

"Well, maybe because I just might need some help," I said, taking his hand and bring it down towards my hips, his skin making my skin tingle where he touched. I felt his hand squeeze my hips, his eyes widening at the realization that I was wearing nothing under the skirt.

"You came prepared," he said, grinning. "I like it."

"It's been five-" I never got to finish what I was about to say for Erik pulled me towards him and kissed me hard, his mouth hot against my lips. I loved the smell of him, the notes of patchouli and bergamot in his aftershave sending my senses into a tailspin that had me quivering against him. I ran my fingers through his hair as we kissed, enjoying the way our tongues played together, teasing, tasting, probing.

It became too much for me, this playfulness that needed its release. I tugged at his tie, loosening it. Erik released me then, breathing hard.

"We have to stop," he breathed huskily. "Someone might come in."

"Then lock the door," I whispered, biting my lower lip, my hands still loosening his tie till he gripped my wrists, stopping me. I pouted as he chuckled.

"Patience, my grasshopper. I'll make it worth your while later."

"Then just kiss me then," I said. Erik kissed me, taking his time, and allowing my hands to roam lower, feeling him hard against my hand. When he saw me smile, he shook his head, groaning.

"Oh, no you don't, Sam," he said just as a sharp rap on the door interrupted us, and the door opened.

A woman wearing a scrub top with cats playing tennis poked her head in, her eyes widening as Erik and I leapt away from each other. He turned to face his desk, his back to her while I smoothed my hair, my face burning.

"Miss Marlin is waiting in Room 4," she said.

Erik cleared his throat as I turned to face the wall with the framed photographs. "I'll be right there, Maria."

As the woman left and closed the door behind her, Erik turned to face me. "You're bad."

"I'm sorry," I said, giving him a sad face.

"No, you're not," he laughed, grabbing his white coat from the back of the door. "Come on, let me give you a tour of the clinic. If we stay here one more minute, I'll be in more trouble than I already am. It will be all over the building before the day's over that I am seeing someone."

I frowned. "So? Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

He frowned. "Why would I be ashamed to be seen with you? What I do in my personal life is of no concern to my employees, that's all."

I started to say something along the lines of I'm just not good enough or pretty enough or smart enough like Serena but I stopped myself. The words I spoke were enough to tell anyone within hearing distance what I meant. Well, Serena definitely didn't have a juvie record, I thought. I hadn't noticed that Erik had closed the distance between us and was standing in front of me, tilting my chin up so I was looking up at him.

"What makes you think I'd be ashamed to be seen with you, Sam?" He asked again in a low voice.

"You said that you don't mix business with pleasure," I mumbled. It was a lame excuse but I didn't know what else to say. I hated myself for allowing the usual thoughts to come to me the way they did, allowing them to cloud every positive emotion I always felt.

I couldn't help it. I was simply waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Nothing I just said indicated I was ashamed to be seen with you, Sam. Only that I like to separate my private life from my work life," he said, annoyance evident in his voice. "So don't change the meaning of my words to suit you, or whatever negative beliefs you still cling to about who or what you are. I'm not David and the last time I looked, we're not living in your past. When will you get those facts in your head?"

The door opened and this time, it was Olivia. "Miss Marlin's still waiting, Erik."

"I'm on my way," Erik said. "I'll see you guys later."

"Is everything alright between you two?" Olivia asked.

I nodded, forcing a smile. "I guess I better go get Michael ready," I said and followed Olivia down the hallway. Some of the doors on both sides of us were either wide open or closed, charts waiting in plastic holders on the outside. Erik had walked into the last room at the end of the hall, just before a door to the left marked EXIT, which led to the waiting room.

As Olivia stopped to ask a patient waiting in one of the rooms if she had been helped, I saw Erik sitting on a chair, his back facing us, the door to the patient room wide open. A woman was sitting on the examination table, and I could see her jeans and worn out sneakers.

Miss Marlin, I thought, my chest tightening as I found myself unable to look away. I could hear her voice, loud at times as she said something about the days getting better, the need for a hit lessening, the desire to get clean stronger than anything else. Old voice, I thought, one that had seen so much, gone through so much.

As Erik shifted, the wheeled stool creaking a bit as he rolled to the left, I saw her. She looked haggard, her dark hair tied in a messy pony tail that revealed streaks of gray. She face was drawn, her cheeks hollowed out, and I could see her collar bones sticking out. Maybe there were track marks there, too, I thought, when she couldn't find a good vein in her arms, or when she needed a quicker fix. But I couldn't tell. It had been so long ago, a remnant from a past that I'd worked so hard to forget.

But the past has a way of reminding you that it's not done with you yet. And as Olivia said good-bye to Erik, he turned to face us and said something about seeing me that night, saying my name.

Sam.

The woman looked up, startled almost at the sound of my name. I hurried along the corridor, eager to walk past the door beneath the the EXIT sign and as I rushed out the door, I bumped straight into Olivia who had turned around to say yet another good-bye to someone else.

"Hold your horses!" Olivia laughed, steadying me. "I've got one more thing to take care of."

"Sorry," I said. "I just wanted to make sure that there's someone watching the kids outside."

"Don't worry, Sam," Olivia said. "They're fine."

I walked past her anyway, heading towards the play area as fast as I could, praying that Olivia would finish whatever it was she needed to do. My heart was thundering inside my chest, my blood rushing so fast all I could hear was the drumming - on and on. I grabbed Michael from the swing, protesting as he fought me, and carried him towards the exit that led to the parking lot, hoping that Olivia hadn't locked the car doors.

But this was downtown LA, where everyone locked their cars.

There would be no running away from my past this time, not anymore. Behind me, I heard the slapping of Converse shoes upon the pavement, as I pulled at the door handle one more time, setting off the car alarm. Michael screamed, covering his ears but I barely heard him.

For my past had caught up with me - and she was calling my name.