《Sanders Sides One Shots: Volume 2 [COMPLETED]》Starving For A Savior (Prinxiety)
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You'd think that being in pain hurts the most. Well, Virgil begs to differ. Being able to tell when someone else is in pain and not being able to help hurts far worse.
He thinks this every time he hears the voices. You see, while there are good parts to the Mind Palace, like the fact that you can make your wildest dreams come true in the Imagination, or learn anything in the Library of Infinite Knowledge, there were bad parts. The current example was the effects of Self Doubt.
When a Side experienced Self Doubt that went unresolved, they began to experience voices. Said voices would whisper in the ear of the doubtful Side to enhance the insecurities, they could corse them into doing things to themselves that were far from good.
They used to make Virgil cut himself until the other Side's had accepted him; they told him that he was worthless and a monster that felt nothing for anyone, so he'd cut himself to feel something, until he started feeling things around the others. They'd saved him from them without even realizing it.
The voices could only be heard by the affected Side... and Anxiety.
As the embodiment of anxiety, Virgil could hear the voices when they talked to the other Sides. It pained him when he heard one of them tell Patton his opinion was stupid. It was horrible to have to act like he knew nothing when another told Logan he was just a joke. It killed him when he heard them tell Roman he wasn't enough.
Logan and Patton rarely had the voices in their heads from what Virgil could hear, which he figured was because of their relative optimism and rational thinking. The logical Side could use facts to beat them, and the moral Side was just too much optimism and love to be brought down.
Roman was a different story. He was the creative Side, the prideful Side. He was emotionally vulnerable because he wanted, needed everything to be perfect to feel good. So when the voices began to tell him he wasn't and would never be perfect, he crumbled.
Virgil wasn't stupid. He would've figured it out without being able to hear the voices and their incessant reminders to the creative Side that he was too fat, not muscular enough, not working hard enough. He could see the way the prince turned his head when one of the others were eating. He could see the way his suit hung off of him more loosely than usual. He could see the bags beneath his eyes he was desperately trying to hide that came from late nights spent working.
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He could see it all. He felt it all.
The anxious Side tried to help him without giving away how much he knew. He made his favorite foods and just so happened to make enough for both of them. He'd offer to watch Disney movies with him to try and distract him from work a little. He'd offer to be his sparring partner so that he could keep an eye on him while he was exercising, but it was never enough to counteract the damage the voices had done and continued to do.
He felt useless, which ironically got him a few of his own voices. They didn't work anymore, just annoyed him.
Virgil laid in bed one night, staring at the ceiling as he thought about Princey. He wished he could fix it. He wished he could do more to help him, but he just... didn't know how to without making him feel weak, which would just make it worse.
As he laid in silence he began to hear the familiar raspy, low voices of Self Doubt. They were coming from Roman's room as they often did this late.
"You know you had too much to eat today, what have we told you?" they hissed.
Virgil couldn't hear Roman's response, but he could hear the voices as they continued their assault on the creative Side. "You're so naive," they growled, almost chuckling. "Virgil doesn't like you, why would he? After all you did to him? You were horrible to him, Roman, and you're a horrible friend to the other Sides. You're so useless."
The anxious Side squeezed his eyes shut as he as tried to calm down. None of those things were true. "You've done so much damage to the others," the voices continued. "Clearly you haven't learned your lesson, maybe we should try a different form of punishment."
"No," Virgil gasped out, leaping from his bed to his feet. He knew what that meant, they'd said that same thing to him when they had begun manipulating him into cutting himself.. He'd stayed silent with his attempts to save Roman before, but this, this was too far. He wouldn't stand by and let those voices ruin him. "I have to tell him."
He ran down the hall toward Princey's room, panting outside for a moment as he caught his breath. Inside he could hear whimpering and Roman's scared voice. "B-But... I don't want to."
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"But you must! To punish yourself for all the damage you've done to others!" the voices encouraged. "Just bring the dagger down, press it in and slide. It's not hard, god, can you not even do this properly? Are you that useless?"
Virgil seethed and opened the door forcefully, slamming it behind him as he entered the creative Side's room. He was on his bed, holding a dagger in his shaking left hand above his opposite wrist. There were tears running down his cheeks and it made his heart shatter in his chest to see him looking so ruined and broken.
The anxious Side rushed forward as he looked up, grabbing the dagger from him and throwing it across the room before he could say anything. Roman opened his mouth to speak, but he cut him off. "You can't do that to yourself," he snapped. "I won't let you."
"V-Virgil- what are you- how did you-" he stammered, stumbling over his words as he tried to compose himself. He cleared his throat and looked up at him. "What are you doing in my room?"
"Stopping you from cutting yourself, you stupid prince!" Virgil replied, voice breaking as tears pricked his eyes at the thought. "You can't do that to yourself, you can't Roman! I won't be able to live with myself if you do. It won't help!"
The prince looked away, biting down harshly on his bottom lip. "What would you know about this?"
"EVERYTHING!!" he flat out yelled, making Roman jump and look at him with wide eyes. "I know about the voices, Roman. They used to talk to me all the time too, they made me cut myself before you guys accepted me. I can hear them because I'm Anxiety, I know what they've been saying to you and what they've been making you do."
The creative Side looked pale and somewhat scared as his gaze glanced down at himself for moment. Virgil sat down on the bed with him, taking his wrists in his hands. "You have to stop," he breathed. "Roman, please, I've tried so hard to make you stop without telling you how much I knew, but I can't live with knowing you'll start cutting yourself if I don't step in."
"S-So you know about..." he couldn't even finish the statement as his neck muscles twitched with a choked back sob. "You hear them...?"
"Roman, you're not overweight. You're not a horrible friend. You're not useless. I don't hate you, I promise I don't, I love you," the anxious Side said, lifting a hand to cup his cheek. "You're so amazing, I'm not mad about our past. I don't hate you."
The prince stared at him with wide eyes as tears started to stream down his face. He broke down into a sob, so Virgil pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back and murmuring into his ear that things would be okay now. They were going to be okay. He was here, and he'd always be here to protect him. They were going to make it out of this, the voices wouldn't hurt him anymore.
After some time, Roman's sobs had diminished to the occasional sniffles. He pulled back to meet his eyes, a shaky smile on his lips. "Thank you... thank you so much," he breathed, shaking his head a little. "You saved me, I... I owe you so much-"
"No. No, you don't owe me," the anxious Side scolded, wiping away the remaining tears. "And even if you feel like you do, I know how you can repay me."
The creative Side looked up with curious eyes. "You have to promise me that you'll stop starving yourself," he said firmly. "You have to promise never to cut yourself, or hurt yourself intentionally. You have to promise me you'll let me help you."
Roman broke into a breathtaking smile as he leaned in to press a short kiss to his lips. "For my savior, anything."
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