I think the night that Collin and I almost made love for the first time is the night that I finally decided to let go of the past and put all of my trust in him. On the real, I think I might have been the one who initiated the whole thing. We started out kissing, one kiss, then another and another. Then before I knew it, I was ripping off his clothes and trying to get him to rip off mine. Collin was all the way down to his boxers and had just started undoing my bra when he stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He kind of looked down, then around the room before finally looking back at me. "I just don't want to mess anything up," he admitted cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...I think we should go slow so we can do it right this time. Last time we moved too fast...and look what happened." He started playing with my hair. Eventually, he laced his fingers through mine and looked sincerely into my eyes. "Every day I won't be able to stop like this. I mean, you know it's hard for me not to..." his voice trailed off. "So anyway, you have to be the one to keep us from moving too fast. No matter how far we get, I want you to stop me, ok?"

"Ok..." I answered softly, but in all actuality, I didn't really think I could do it either.

"I love you, Natasha, and I don't want to ever chance losing you again."

I nodded, but there wasn't really a whole lot left to say after that.

The next day, for some reason, I told Kenney what happened. I don't know what I was thinking. When I first met Kenney, he told me that girls were always telling him their business for no reason and he didn't know why. As time went on, though, I could see exactly why. There was just something about him that made him feel like...a safe place. It didn't take me long to become typical like the rest of them and start telling him all my business, too. This time, though, before I could even get the whole story out he was bent over, holding his sides from laughing so hard.

"Aw man, Tashi! You are a straight sucker." He started laughing again. "That is the ultimate player move."

Over the past year and a half, Kenney had slowly become my best friend. We told each other a lot more than we probably should have, but I always just assumed that we wouldn't make each other feel stupid about the foolery that we managed to get ourselves into.

Guess I was wrong.

Feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment, I turned away and started to bolt in anger. Kenney caught me right before I took off.

"Hey, what's your problem? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?" I just looked at him. "Talk to me, Tashi. This is the second time you tripped on somethin' that you used to think was funny. What's going on?"

"Nothing. You're a jerk, that's all."

He sucked in a dramatic breath and put an indignant hand to his heart. "Wha...?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Kenney was such a clown. "Shut up, Kenney."

"Not until you tell me what your problem is. I know this ain't the same Natasha that used to play the dozens like you were majoring in mama jokes." Again I laughed, but didn't respond. He lightly took my arm and pulled me back over to him. "So, what's up?"

"Nothing. I just...I just really like him, that's all."

Kenney's face clouded over, but he tried to hide it. "So...do you really like him, or...do you love him?" He let my arm go and took a step back to get a better look at me.

I couldn't look back at him for a long time, but when I finally did, the look on his face made me wish that I hadn't. "I..." I swallowed, "I love him, Kenney."

"I see." He was reflective. "Well...alright then." He continued to look me in the eye. "When he starts trippin', let me know."

I hated the way he always said when Collin started tripping, like it was only a matter of time before he did. I smiled at Kenney anyway, and nodded, even though I was seething on the inside and he knew it. Kenney always knew what affect his words would have on people before he ever said them out loud. He was extremely intentional in his actions and speech, and had been for as long as I had known him. That's why I took everything that Kenney said to heart. He meant for me to, and I played right into it every single time.

The only thing, though, is that his little smart mouth eventually backfired on him. His constant snide remarks gradually made me start believing more what Collin said about Kenney and less what Kenney said about Collin. Looking back, that may have been what made me stop spending so much time with Kenney after a while, too. That and the fact that Collin was suddenly using up all of my spare time, and even some time that I didn't have to spare. By the middle of sophomore year, I was even moodier than usual and had picked up the habit of snapping on people for no reason at all. I think I was probably trying to take my frustrations about Collin out on everyone else, because deep down I knew that there was a certain line that I should never cross with him. Everyone else I figured I could take, but Collin I wasn't so sure about.

One day, Kenney caught up to me as I was taking a brisk walk to the waterfront. Reluctantly, I slowed down and let him match my pace, hoping that he wasn't about to say anything stupid to piss me off. That's the thing that I had been assuming lately, that everyone was just waiting to piss me off.

"Hey, I thought we were going to Shipwreck last night. What happened to you?"

"Oh...nothing."

I didn't want to tell him that Collin had exploded when I told him where I was going and who I was going with. Of course, after hearing his argument about "it's just us Tasha, you and me," I had opted to be the dutiful girlfriend and go home with him instead.

"Sorry. I guess I forgot."

"Mm-hmm." Kenney wasn't buying it.

For some reason, he wasn't angry about it, either. I looked up at him and realized how much I missed being around my Bud. His laid back, unassuming, demeanor was a refreshing change of pace compared to Collin's high strung, jump in somebody's face every chance he got, 'piss me off if you want to' attitude. I wanted to stop and give Kenney a great big hug right there, but changed my mind when I looked around and imagined somebody going back and telling Collin that I was all hugged up on some other dude right in the middle of campus.

"So...my aunt asked about you," Kenney said in a valiant attempt to change the subject. "She told me to bring you by sometime to say hello."

I gave him a real smile then. "Aw. Tell her I said hi." I really liked his Aunt Jasmine.

"Why don't you tell her yourself? I'm on my way over to see her now."

I thought about lying and telling him that I was on my way to class, but he already knew that I had been headed to the waterfront. "Well...ok." I shrugged. Why not?

When we got to the back door of the club, Jasmine hurried out to us with open arms. I couldn't help but noticed how happy she looked to see Kenney every time he came around, almost as if she couldn't believe that she had gotten one more chance to look at him in person.

"Well, hello, hello!" she said cheerfully, leading us to a table near the kitchen, so that she could continue cooking and talk to us at the same time. It was still early and the club wouldn't be open for another couple of hours.

"So how are you two?" she asked, sitting down beside Kenney and looking between the two of us.

"Fine," we answered in unison, and then looked at each other almost guiltily. Kenney knew as well as I did that Collin didn't want us hanging out together.

Jasmine observed the exchange and then asked "How's school going for you, dear?" She looked across the table at me, and I knew that she meant more than just class. Kenney's aunt was exactly like him and she had the all-telling eyes to prove it.

"Good," I nodded, and then looked over at Kenney.

"And you dear?" she turned her beaming face toward Kenney.

He beamed right back at her. "Straight A's."

"Every. Time." She patted his hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm so proud of you."

Kenney shrugged nonchalantly. "Ain't nut'n. Might be the glasses."

Jasmine looked back over at me. "This one here!" she jerked a thumb toward Kenney. "Don't let the modest act fool you, Natasha."

"Oh, I haven't." We both looked back at Kenney and snickered.

"So..." Aunt Jasmine grinned broadly at me. "I hear you're a writer." I nodded and shot Kenney a look. He looked away like he didn't notice. "A poet?"

"Sometimes," I said lightly.

"Well, let me hear."

"Let you hear?" I knew full well what she was talking about, I just didn't want to recite anything to her. Aunt Jasmine was the type that made you feel like your stuff had to be on point before you even tried to step to her with anything at all. I couldn't drop just any old nonsense on her like I had been doing with Kenney.

"Yes. And make it a good one."

She was also the type that made you feel like there was no option other than the one that she presented to you, so at that point, I knew I didn't have a choice.

"Ok...well, I have been working on a new one."

"Well?" she looked back towards the kitchen like I was about lose her attention in ten, nine, eight...

I closed my eyes, trying to quickly recall the first line. "Rise up, my beloved King\ From the ashes of your fate\ Rise up, let love be your inspiration\ For a revolution can never come too late\ Stay strong, my Brother\ With your Sister by your side\Stay strong in the conviction\ That to you I never lied\ Be proud, beautiful Black Man\ Don't try to hide the scars on your face\ Be proud and show them off\ As an accomplishment of our race\ Be brave, young Simba\ With your strong back and powerful paws\ Be brave, march through their picket signs\ You have no reason to bow down to their ignorant laws\ Grow old, sweet Angel\ Don't fall into the hands of fools\ Grow old and feel comfort in knowing that, with faith\ Their blunts and lines do not make your rules\ Stay pure, precious Prince\ For it is your mind that is at stake\ Corruption and pain lie in your future\ If you find yourself just a day too late\ Teach us, great Maulana\ Fill us with your infinite wisdom, so true\ Teach us what you know about the ways of this world\ And we will never stray from you."

When I finally looked back at them, I noticed that Jasmine wasn't even looking at me, but at Kenney. He was staring at me like he didn't realize I could speak Japanese.

Jasmine turned to me and gave me a proud smile. "Right on, little sister," she said, giving me a quick glimpse of the revolutionary that Kenney said she once was. "Right on." She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Then she turned to Kenney. "You heard that, right?" He nodded yes and they shared a silent conversation.

"It's funny you said that," I told Jasmine, "because I actually kind of did write it for Kenney."

"You did?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," I smiled shyly under the intensity of his gaze. "Well, you and Drama because, you know, he's always talkin' that upliftment of Black people stuff."

"Hmm," Kenney just nodded.

"So he told you about his scar, then?" Jasmine asked, pointing at Kenney's face. I noticed him shoot her another look, but she apparently didn't see it.

"What scar?" I looked curiously over at Kenney.

"You know," she pulled his face over to her when he tried to look away. "This one." Then she traced her finger over a long, almost undetectable scar that ran from his ear, all the way down the line of his jaw. I had never noticed it before.

"Aunt Jasmine..." Kenney warned, slowly and gently removing her hand from his face.

Realizing that I had no idea what she was talking about, Jasmine quickly changed the subject. Unfortunately, in her haste, I got the feeling that she changed it to an even touchier subject. "You know, your mom and Charity are coming up next weekend?"

Kenney's face went dark and his jaw tightened even more. "What?"

"They didn't tell you?" she asked innocently, but something told me that she wasn't supposed to, either, and that she knew this. Maybe she was just warning him ahead of time.

Why she would need to warn him that his own mom and sister were coming, I didn't know. As far as I had gathered, Kenney and his mother got along great. And he adored every one of his sisters...as far as I could tell. Briefly, I recalled him not going home for the summer or the past two Christmases, but it was just a passing thought.

Kenney continued to glare at his aunt. She put her hand lightly over his. "She really misses you, honey." Kenney looked away. She made him look back at her. "She does." When he still didn't answer, Jasmine turned to me. "Could you be a dear and go check on my crawfish? Tonight's zydeco night."

I nodded and stole a quick glance at Kenney before getting up from the table. Oddly, he looked like he was trying not to cry. I had never seen him like this before and decided that I should probably keep myself busy in the kitchen for as long as possible, until Jasmine came back there to get me.

When what seemed like half an hour passed and neither one of them had come back there to make sure I wasn't burning down the kitchen, I inched my way toward the door to see what was going on.

"...know they love you," Aunt Jasmine was saying. "She was just trying to keep you from getting into any more trouble."

"But Aunt Jasmine, I've been gone for two years!"

"You know stuff like that doesn't just go away. We're all..." she sniffed. "We're all afraid for your life."

"Naw, I keep tryna tell her it ain't even like that. They knew I was goin' away to school. It ain't even like that. You see nobody's messed wit' the girls. If they were out for me, then ma and the girls would be in trouble, too."

"I know but..."

"No buts! She just got tired of my ass and shipped me up here to BFE to live with you."

"Watch your mouth, son," Jasmine snapped. "Don't you ever in your life forget who you're talkin' to again." I waited to hear a slap, but I guessed she didn't have a hair-trigger backhand reflex like my mother did.

"I'm sorry," Kenney said softly, and I could tell with just those few words that she had actually hurt his feelings.

I decided to make myself known then. "Um...Aunt Jasmine? I think I let the pot boil too long."

She looked over at me and stood up. "Thanks honey," and headed into the kitchen.

I sat down across from Kenney. He didn't look at me for a long, long time. When he finally did look up, he flashed me one of his evasive, southern hospitality smiles. I smiled back. Then I tried to reach out for his hand, but he pulled it away. Aunt Jasmine came back out about that time and sat back down next to Kenney.

"So, straight A's huh?" she counted out seven dollars. "Here you go." Kenney chuckled and put the money in his pocket. Jasmine turned to me. "And how many 'A's did you get?"

I looked over at her guiltily. "Only one."

She looked over at Kenney in surprise. I guessed he'd told her what a brainiac I used to be...before I started using up all of my study time to be with Collin. "Well," she peeled off one dollar bill. "I expect better from you next time." She tried to hand the dollar over to me. When I laughed and didn't make any moves to take it, she said, "I'm serious. Here. All my kids get one dollar per A."

I looked over at Kenney. He nodded. "Might as well take it Tashi," then he grinned at his aunt. "Before you tick her off."

That was the last thing I wanted to do, so I took my dollar and said "Thank you."

Kenney turned to his aunt. "Rob said to tell you that he made five 'A's." They looked at each other and laughed. She counted out five bills and handed them over.

"Now, that money better get to him, or I'm comin' after you." She poked him playfully in the chest.

"Yes ma'am."

While Kenney was looking down, folding the money and putting it away, Aunt Jasmine was watching him with the most affectionate gaze. When he looked up, she tried to change her expression quickly, but not quick enough. Kenney almost jumped, startled. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

She squeezed his hand. "I'm just so glad to have you here with me, son." Then she caressed his face and gave him a kiss on the cheek. When that wasn't good enough for her, she reached over and threw her arms around Kenney's neck. "I'm just so proud of you Kenney. We all are. Don't ever forget that."

I could tell by the perplexed look that Kenney gave me that he was more used to his family telling him how they felt about him than showing him. When he tried to pull away she wouldn't let go, so he finally just gave in and hugged her back.

When, at last, Jasmine did let her nephew go, she hastily wiped at her eyes, again jolting Kenney, and declared loudly, "Well, enough of that."

Kenney looked at his aunt for a long time, and then asked quietly, "You ok?"

"Yep." She brushed imaginary crumbs off of the table.

At a loss for words, Kenney suddenly looked at his watch. I knew by the change in his face that he was thinking about Collin.

"We better get going, Aunt Jasmine."

She looked surprised. "I thought you were going to stay for a while."

"Yeah, but I forgot..." his voice trailed off and his gaze shifted toward me. I knew Kenney was thinking that he didn't want Collin to get mad at me. It was sweet and not his problem, but in all honesty, I was sort of thinking the same thing.

"Ok," Jasmine nodded understandingly. By the way she looked at me, I couldn't help but wonder what Kenney had told her about me and my relationship. She stood up and gave me a hug. "Ok." Then she patted my back. "You take care of yourself, hear?" She gave me a look to show that she really meant what she said.

I nodded and turned to Kenney. He hugged her for a long time before letting go and I didn't hear him, but I read his lips when he whispered, "I'm sorry," into her ear. She nodded and then rubbed his face again. I had never noticed it before, but suddenly I realized that every time she did that, she was rubbing at that same spot - that same scar on his face - as if trying to make whatever tragedy it came from, and whatever pain it brought with it, disappear.

On the way back to Hampton, I couldn't help but stare at the long slender, almost invisible, scar along Kenney's jawbone. I wondered how he had gotten it. It must have been painful, to be right along the bone like that. It didn't look like any freak accident, either. Whoever did it must have known exactly how they wanted to cut Kenney before they did it.

"What are you looking at?" Kenney asked abruptly, without taking his eyes off the road.

"Nothing." I quickly looked away.

Then he did look over at me. "No really. Why were you looking at me like that?"