The next day we went to go get the rest of my stuff. Luckily, Collin wasn't there, but I could tell that he had been there. The place was spotless. By the smell I could tell that everything had been bleached down, like a tampered with crime scene. Kenney peeped the smell, too. He looked disgusted and thoroughly bothered as soon as he tilted his head to the side and took a whiff. I looked around and briefly wondered if Collin had gotten his girlfriend to clean up the mess. Kenney caught me staring at the kitchen floor, where all of our blood had been, and where I had almost caught Collin licking icing off of his side chick's finger.

"You alright?" I hadn't even heard Kenney walk up behind me.

"Yeah." I hastily wiped away a tear and decided to blame the baby for my recent inability to keep the waterworks under control.

He put a hand on my shoulder. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

"You ready?"

I looked around, one last time, at what had been my home for the past three years. I had even lived there when Shayna and I were roommates. Collin just took the lease over when she left, since I didn't make enough at the time to keep it on my own. There was a lot of...history in that place. A lot of history.

I shook it all off. "Yeah."

Kenney picked up the last suitcase before I could grab it, and I followed him out the door. He had been acting really weird around me since he had found out that I was pregnant, like he felt obligated to do everything for me. I already knew that eventually it would start to irk me...or him, I wasn't sure who first, but for now I just rolled with it.

When we got to the car, like I had foolishly done so many times before, I brought up his personal life to take my mind off of my own.

"So Bud, whatever happened with Deidra? You guys were all happily ever after last time I saw you."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Just didn't work out."

"Didn't work out like last time or...didn't work out like she's not coming back?"

He looked over at me, expressionless. "Didn't work out like she's not coming back."

"Oh..." I couldn't think of anything to say after that, and I know he didn't want to hear anything else after that, so I just left it alone.

We got along in quiet agreement for the next few days, after the doctor let me know that everything was ok. We got along that is, until one night – after literally hours of tossing and turning thinking about Collin, and where I was going to live and what I was going to do, I tried to slip into Kenney's bed while he slept. I didn't mean anything by it. I just wanted a warm body to sleep next to. Honestly, I was missing Collin, bad. I just needed...warmth...and that's the truth.

"Tashi?" Kenney asked sleepily. "What the hell?"

"I...just wanted to sleep with you..."

"You just wanted to sleep with me? Girl..." he sat up and rubbed his eyes like he must have been dreaming. I laughed until he climbed out of the bed and stood up. As he pulled a sweatshirt down over his six pack...who knew he had that...I couldn't help but follow his hands with my eyes, further adding to the awkwardness of the situation. "Tashi...no."

"Please, Kenney?"

"You're shittin' me, right?" He looked confused.

Finally, I realized what he thought I meant. "Oh," I chuckled. "No...not sleep with you. I meant...sleep in here with you." I cast my eyes downward. "I couldn't sleep."

"What's wrong?" He sat back down next to me, on top of the covers, but didn't get back under.

"I just...couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind I guess."

"Like what?"

"Like...Collin..." I looked over at him. He looked back at me, gentle southern hospitality mask immediately falling back into place. His face always went expressionless whenever I said Collin's name. "...and the baby...his baby..." I looked down again, not sure if I wanted to get into it with Kenney that night, which was sure to happen if I said too much. "...and what I'm going to do... and where I'm going to live..."

As always, he jumped on the chance to talk about anything that he could do something about. "You can live here, Tashi. I already told you that."

"I know but...after the baby is born..."

Kenney had begun to reach out for me, but slowly pulled his hand back and kind of scooted away. "After the baby's born...what...?"

"I mean...I don't know." I really didn't. There were just too many variables running through my head, and none of them were good.

"After the baby's born you can still stay with me. I don't mind."

Kenney was so sweet. I loved Kenney. I may have even been falling for him again just that quick, actually, which is why it makes absolutely no sense that I said what I said next.

"But...it's Collin's baby..."

"And?"

"And...I'll probably eventually have to go back to him. Because it's his...I mean, he's my baby's father. I can't just not have him in my life..." Realizing what I had just said, I hastily corrected myself. "I mean in the baby's life. I can't just not have him in the baby's life."

"I heard you the first time."

"Kenney..." I reached out to touch his face. He moved my hand. "I just...I'm so lost. So so lost..."

"I know." He ran his hand compassionately over my hair and pulled me to him.

"Kenney, he's my best friend. I just can't believe he doesn't want me anymore." I started to cry and Kenney actually held me tighter. I knew for sure he was going to push me away after I said that, but he didn't.

"Shoot, Tashi. I'm your best friend."

"You are?" I looked up into his eyes. They were both calming and turbulent. Like a wave. Honestly, I thought he had written me off over a year ago.

"Yeah, girl. You ain't know?" I smiled up at him. "I don't think that son of a bitch even likes you, if you want to know the truth." I didn't. I didn't want to hear any of that. He knew this, too, and hugged me closer to soften the blow. "I'm afraid he's going to kill you one day, Tashi, sincerely. Why in the hell would you go back to a fool like that?"

"Because I'm pregnant. And I'm scared. And I have to go home at some point." I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes again. They were more understanding than I would have ever imagined. "I do."

"No, you don't. I'll take care of you Tashi. You know I will."

"You will?"

"Of course."

"But when the baby comes..."

"I love you. I gotchu. Anything you need. Anything. I mean," he brushed lightly at my tears, "you're my dawg right?"

I grinned painfully, face still swollen, but now almost down to only twice its normal size. "Hundred grand."

"Ok then." He patted my hip lightly and motioned for me to move so he could get up. "Goodnight."

"You're not sleeping in here with me?"

His eyes involuntarily crawled over my oversized pregnancy boobs and stopped at my stomach. "Uh, no." And with that he was out the door.

After the last sliver of light disappeared behind him, I also looked down at my stomach. One thing I hadn't considered was that if Collin really and truly didn't want me anymore, what chance would I ever have of finding someone else? I mean...beyond the fact that I was already pretty fucked in the head by that point, according to Collin I was also a butt-ugly fat ass mess... with a kid. Really, who the hell would want me? Another tear dropped when I made a mental note to force myself to look in the mirror when I got up the next morning and take inventory of the mess that Collin had once again made of my face.

I guess Kenney slept on the couch that night, because he heard me loud and clear the next morning, and was by my side in a flash when I unleashed a scream that could shatter a crystal vase into a million pieces.

"Tashi! What?" He flew into the room and stood there with this look that I'll never forget. It was so funny. Like Holy shit! I know she didn't just have the baby in my bed! To confirm what I thought he was thinking, his eyes traveled down my legs and then scanned over to the bed. When nothing looked bloody or out of place, he then looked back at me like What. tha. Fuck?

All I could do was stand there in front of the dresser, speechlessly looking from him to the mirror and back to him. But the thing was...I couldn't possibly be looking at what I thought I was looking at. Was that...me?

"Hell no, Kenney. Hell no..." was all I kept saying. He just stood there nodding in agreement like that's all he had been saying in his head since the day he had come to get me. "Kenney..."

"I know."

"Kenney..."

"I know, Tashi. I know..."

"But...Kenney..."

"I know, darlin'. Come here."

I couldn't move. I just kept staring at whoever...whatever this was staring back at me. That couldn't be me. Just...couldn't be. He came over to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Man...you shoulda seent ya'self when I came to pick you up! Ooo-weee!" The only thing that would have made Kenney joke about something so horrific was the fact that he must have known that I was about to flip. the hell. out. "What a hot mess. Least the blood is gone..."

"Blood..." I repeated numbly.

"Yeah. And the swelling's down a lot." He inspected me like he had spent at least three years in medical school. "I think you should be ok. The cuts don't look as bad today..."

"Cuts..."

I turned back to the mirror and saw that beneath the huge...everything else...there were also cuts on my face. Deep ones. I must have been a nauseating sight when Kenney came to pick me up.

"That damn ring..."

I whispered it to myself, but realized that I should have kept it all the way to myself when I saw a shadow pass over Kenney's face and his eyes began to cloud over. It was so weird how his eyes always did that right before he...went for broke. Like that was the internal hazard light that started flashing when he was about to check out.

"Um...Kenney..." He looked silently at me, but not really at me. "I'm...hungry."

I wasn't. The thought of food...and all of the blood that was left on the kitchen floor, which I now realized had been my own, and the memory of those damn eggs and sausage that Collin would always try to force me to eat...son of a bitch Collin...had my stomach churning. I was so pissed right then. I could totally understand now why Kenney had reacted the way that he did...why everyone had reacted the way that they did when they saw me. And my dumbass was steady telling Kenney that I wanted to go home. Hell no. Hell no. Not this time. And I knew that if I felt this way, Kenney from the outside looking in must have seen it one hundred times worse. He must have been able to see it the way that it really was...

And the best thing that I could do to keep us all in line at that point was to distract...us.

"Kenney." I put my hand lightly on his clinched fist. "The baby. The baby is hungry."

Kenney's eyes came back into focus and amusement slowly faded in and out of anger. "What?"

"I said," I stepped closer to him, "the baby. This friggin' kid keeps wanting to eat when I'm already full..." I gave him my best please fix my breakfast smile and looked pleadingly toward the kitchen.

He chuckled. "Alright...what does the baby want?"

"I don't know. Ask him."

"Him?"

"Yeah. We...I think it's a boy."

"Ok then. Hey lil dude..." he put his hands around my waist and spoke into my belly button like he was speaking into a microphone. "Whatchu want?" Then he put his ear to my stomach and listened. "Coco Puffs?" Kenney looked up at me and grinned, somehow knowing that that was the only thing I would be willing to eat right then. "I think mommy likes that." And then he went off to the kitchen to fix us the biggest bowl of cereal I had ever seen.

"Holy crap Kenney, seriously?" I busted out laughing. "Is this breakfast for all of us or what? The family bowl?"

He kind of gave me a weird look and then smiled. "Naw. I eat grown up food. This foolery is 'specially for you."

I hugged him. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome. I'm just glad you're eating again."

I took a huge spoonful for show and then when he turned back toward the stove to make his own breakfast, the baby and I had a war over what was going to get swallowed and what was going to get spit out. Ultimately, the baby won and I ended up eating the entire bowl.

Kenney looked more than pleased with this, like he had gotten his stubborn toddler to finally eat her vegetables. I smiled over at him, mouth full of the last bite, and then suddenly remembered how I looked and burst into tears. Kenney, as usual, was by my side immediately.

"What's wrong?"

I just shook my head, replaying in my head exactly what Collin would have been saying at that very moment. How he would have been calling me ugly and fat...especially after he saw me down that entire mixing bowl of cereal.

"Does something hurt? Maybe the cereal was too crunchy for your mouth. Is your mouth cut up on the inside, too?" I shook my head and cried harder when he looked at the oddity that was my face. He knew then exactly what I was thinking. "Tashi..." He sat down in the chair next to me and put his hand on my arm. "Natasha. You know I love you right?" I nodded and chewed the rest of the cereal that I was trying not to push back out with the sudden wave of snot and tears. "Sweetie...you look a hot mess right now. I'm not even gonna lie..."

The way he looked at me, like he was more seeing my blubbering struggle with the cereal than looking at my jacked up face, made me laugh and spit the cereal everywhere. Well, it would have gone everywhere if I hadn't put my hands to my mouth in time. A few crumbs got out, but not on him.

He wiped his sleeve dramatically anyway, "Gross," and stood up to get me a paper towel. I took it when he handed it to me, then went over to the sink to pull it together. "Natasha, come sit down."

He patted the chair next to him and watched me walk back toward him. His eyes went from my eyes to my belly and back to my eyes, like they had been doing since he'd found out that I was pregnant. He was so cute. I imagined how much more extreme he would be if it was his baby that I was having, but quickly dismissed the thought.

"So listen," he put his hand under my chin and re-inspected my face. "We have to start icing your face again." I started to shake my head no. I hated all cold, wet or slimy things, and he knew this. "I know you hate it, but we gotta do it. I can't deal with you crying all the time like this. I hate to see you cry. I hate it." He looked at me and I knew he wasn't telling me to stop crying, but that he wanted to beat the snot out of Collin instead. And the more I cried, the more he wanted to do it. "...So we're gonna get your face back to its normal beautiful self, easy." I looked away. "You know you're beautiful, right?" I still didn't look at him. That was one thing that I couldn't lie about. "Natasha Marie Berry. Self-proclaimed baddest B on the yard. You know you're beautiful...right?"

"That was a long time ago, Kenney."

"Yeah, like a year and a half ago." He shook his head. "Trippin'. You are by far the prettiest girl I've ever seen. Why you think I was sweatin' you for so long?"

I laughed. "Shut up Kenney."

"It's true." He nodded and smiled wistfully up at the ceiling, more likely remembering how on point his game was than how cute I used to be. "The minute I saw you, I knew I had to have...talk to you," he quickly corrected himself. "You're still beautiful." He ran a hand lightly down my cheek. "I mean...after we get you back to normal. But right now? Hot. Mess." He shook his head and cringed. "Whooo..."

I laughed harder. "Shut up Foolio Iglesias."

He grinned. "That's what I like to see. What makes you beautiful is here." He touched his fingertips to my heart. "Don't ever forget that. And don't ever lose that." We locked eyes for a minute too long and he smoothed it over with more inappropriateness. "I would have you stand up and turn around so I could show you what's making you ooo-wee right now. That baby definitely got you lookin' right, girl. Nice work, son," he gave my belly a little high five with his thumb, "...but I can't do that while you're pregnant." He chuckled, but he was serious. "Out of respect. Dern my mama and her good upbrangin'."

He knew his country talk got me every time and pulled it out intentionally only when there was a code red, woman down situation.

Kenney was like that. Always knowing exactly what to do to bring me back to life.

"I love you so much Kenney." Without warning, I stood up and gave him the tightest hug I could without hurting myself.

"I love you so much, too, girl." He hugged me back. "For real."