It's crazy how one tweet could put pressure on your brain, how 250 characters could take a great day out with friends and turn it into a jailed mind that held every dumb and mean comment on her timeline, showing her them in succession, chained to the walls of her own subconscious.

It hadn't been a quick drop. She'd been playing with the idea in her head that it was all luck, imposter syndrome setting its roots in the forest of her mind.

She needed somebody to come in and cut it down, take an axe to the base and watch it fall, hear the sound as the witness and drag it away for firewood. Make sure to pull out every root and trace of evidence left behind, to leave a clear opening in its path, ready for sunny days and clean air.

Maybe George would be that person, maybe she needed him to be.

A deep breath brought her back to the present, George's hand grasping hers as they reached his front door, pulling out his key and unlocking all three locks, closing the door behind them.

Quietly they strips their shoes and jackets, George didn't even quip his usual joke as they ascended the stairs.

It was a foreign feeling to the pairing, they'd gotten so used to chatting back and forth in a rhythmic beat that the static silence was deafening to them.

Trapped in their own mind, unable to communicate in any other way.

They sat apart, a seat cushion in between them, fingers tapping on thighs in anticipation.

This wasn't what either of them had expected when getting in the Uber together, by now they should be stripping clothes and connecting in ways only they could.

But they weren't, they were flinching away from each other.

And she was tired of it.

Astrid sat up slowly, crawling across the couch, her knees placed on either side of his as she straddled his lap, hands dancing along his neck and collar bone, lips teasing his.

"Astrid" he spoke in a low breath, hands grasping her waist as she moved her hips methodically, "wait-" she swallowed his words in a kiss before he pulled away again, "wait we should talk about-" again she captured his mouth, not wanting to hear the words coming from him, he kissed her back - their lips moving together like waves in the sea, swaying so hard it made her head fuzzy.

"Astrid wait-"

"What?" She asked, breath heavy as she looked between his eyes, his furrowed eyebrows as he stared back into hers.

"We need to talk," he stroked her arm lightly, hand caressing her lower back, "you're clearly upset"

"I'm not-"

"You are, and that's alright" he lowered his head to catch her eyes, despite how she tried to get away from him, "we don't need to do anything, we can just sit"

She could cry.

In past relationships, nobody had ever thought of her, how her emotions could change the mood. If she was in the mood now, even if only an hour earlier she was.

"Okay" her head fell to his chest, arms wrapping around him, moving sideways to sit more comfortable as George pulled a cover over them, switching on his tele to a random channel for background noise.

He spent the next few hours calming her mind, like every word he spoke echoed across her brain in waves that calmed every shiver she had.

His hand caresses her skin lightly, pulling her closer just to feel her, closer than any friend with benefits should ever be.

But they were different, and they both felt it.

Their dynamic had shifted but they wanted the same rules as before.

But you can't always get what you want.

——————

Written: 18th July 2022

Published: 20th July 2022

Maybe the worst chapter so far? Bc I didn't expect the angst and went in blind but oh well

Sorry about missing yesterday's update I was busy :/