The page was smooth and smelt like him, there were doodles along the edges, some messy, some not. The first sheet was half full; an introduction. It was the cutest thing I'd ever read.

It started,

Hi, It's Charlie, I really only started this because my therapist wanted me to, but I think I like it. Anyways, this is just a place for my thoughts, and some inevitable doodles. Homeroom's gotten really boring. So yeah, that's it! Hope you enjoy looking back on it future me. :) -Char

The words future me linger in my brain, I shouldn't be reading this. It isn't meant for his insecure, snooping, boyfriend. Gosh what was I doing?

I continue to the next page anyway, from just before the rumors started,

Day one, school was boring but atleast I got to see Nick. I still can't believe I have a boyfriend even though it's been nearly a year since we first started going out. He's helped me so much, I owe him the world. I'm making his favorite dessert after school. - Char

My heart melts at the thought, I remember the confused yet warm feeling that rushed over me when he gave me it. "Because you're my boyfriend" He'd said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Little does he realize how many people would kill to be his boyfriend.

Day two, Tao said there was some rumor going around about Nick. I hope it's nothing bad, we've been through enough already. On the bright side Rugbys been really great, and no one made fun of me for a really long time. - Char

I pick up my pace, reading the entries one after the other.

Day Three, someone said Nick was at some party. He doesn't even go to those I'm sure it's false.

Day four, new information surfaced, I'm currently hiding in the bathroom, they said Nick was with some girl. I think I'm going to have an anxiety attack.

Day Five, confronted Nick this morning, he couldn't even deny it, I fucking knew it. No one would want to be with me. I can't even look at myself.

I did all that? I think as I shakily look at another page.

Day Idc, Nick came over drunk last night, it's a side I've never seen of him, a side that made me think he could be at those parties, but at the same time, he said some and did things that made me feel like nothing had changed. Maybe we could put this all behind us and live like nothing happened.

There were several other detailed entries after this one, but I didn't need to read them. If this was still how Charlie felt I needed to know, needed to do something extravagant to show him I care too. I want him. I want him bad.

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