Sadness.

Pain.

Anger.

Numbness.

Emotions I felt all day, up until tonight.

I gazed at myself in the mirror and noticed my puffy red eyes that I gained from crying all day. I shed so many tears today, I don't think my eyes could handle forming any more.

"She been emotional all day, so that's why I think it's best for you to be here. You know.. to comfort her 'cause she won't talk to me." I heard my dad's voice by the entrance of my bedroom.

I couldn't see who he was talking to since I had my bathroom door shut, but I'm guessing it's Queen.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door as I listened to my bedroom door close. "Hey, Nae. It's me, Queen.. can I come in?"

I closed my eyes, getting my emotions in tact before turning around and unlocking the door for her. I pulled it ajar and went to sit down on the closed lid toilet.

Queen entered and studied my appearance. We remained silent for a while before she sighed, "What happened, Lanae?"

I stared at her blankly before shrugging my shoulders. "Still tryna process whatever happened in my head."

She noticed my hoarse voice and shook her head. "Who the hell had you cryin' all day, Nae? Is it Lucky?"

I nodded my head. "Who else can put me in my feelings like him?"

She noticed I wasn't trying to go into detail like I normally do, so she walked closer to me before sitting on the edge of my tub. "Girl, talk to me. I hate when you do this."

I gazed down at my acrylic nails and started picking at them. "I don't wanna think about what happened.. I wanna forget about it, but I know I can't since it's the only thing runnin' through my mind." My voice cracked as my eyes began to sting. I looked up at Queen and said, "I'm tired of cryin'."

"I bet you are, but guess what? I'm here to cry wit' you and whenever you decide to fuck Omari up, I'll be yo' partner in crime."

I smiled a bit before letting out a shaky breath. "So.. Omari came over last night. I was happy on the inside 'cause I missed him so much, but I played it off with an attitude because I was tired of his disappearin' acts." A lump formed in my throat causing tears to roll down my face for the millionth time. "I thought he came to see me to say sorry, but.."

"What his ass do?" Queen questioned with an upset expression.

"He broke up with me." I broke down and covered my face with my hands.

"Imma beat his dumb ass." Queen spat as she pulled me into her embrace.

She rubbed my back as I leaned against her, trying to stop crying because I was sick of it. I don't like crying and I never have. Ever since I was younger I always tried to keep my feelings inside, but in situations like this I couldn't control myself.

"He said it was for me, but that's what I don't get. How can you do something for me that I don't want to be done?"

"What was his so called reason for breakin' up with you?" She asked.

"Keepin' me safe. Stopping harm from comin' my way." I dryly answered.

She busted out laughing causing me to roll my eyes and stand up from the toilet.

"I wish he was here, so I could smack him upside his damn head. It don't matter if y'all broken up or not they still gon' know he love you wit' all his heart. Shit, we knew that when he was actin' all clueless and what not."

"I tried to tell him that in a different way, but he didn't care. You know if it isn't his way, then there's no way."

Queen shook her head, "So how did y'alls whole conservation end?"

"Horrible." I sniffed as I grabbed some tissue. "Mainly because of me. I was yellin', cryin', and tellin' him I hate him."

I blew my nose as she gave me a stale face. "Knowin' you'll never hate that nigga."

"I know." I roll my eyes at the thought.

"He hasn't tried to call or text you since last night?"

I threw my used tissue away in my mini trash can before walking out of the bathroom with Queen trailing behind me. I powered my phone on and unlocked it once my lock screen showed up. It began dinging from multiple notifications, two coming from Omari.

I couldn't lie and say I wasn't happy about seeing that he attempted to get a hold of me, but I'm still pissed off at him.

I opened up his notifications aka text messages.

💍🤞🏽You hate me now?

💍🤞🏽I meant it when I said I'm doing this shit for you.. you might think this breakup isn't gonna change anything since you have the key to my heart and I agree it won't completely stop problems for you, BUT it will lessen the drama and harm that comes along w/ me. I promised myself when you popped back up into my life that I'll protect you at ANY cost. Even if that cost is your love for me. Love to me is sacrificing something meaningful to you for someone and I'm willing to do that, Lanae. I love you more than life itself and I hope you'll be able to understand that someday.

I didn't even know tears were rolling down my face, once again, until I tasted salt on my lips. I wiped my face and gazed up at Queen.

"He texted didn't he?"

I nodded my head and passed her my phone.

After reading his messages she pouted and slumped her shoulders before looking up at me, "Aww, this makes me not want to beat his ass anymore.. but fuck that. He needs to have a you and him against the world mentality and gain sum' faith 'cause he takin' the easy way out."

"Dead ass." I agreed, plopping down on my bed.

She sighed and laid beside me, "You gon' text him back or leave him on read?"

I thought about it for a while before answering her question, "I'm gonna text him and let him know I love him, but that's it."

She nodded her head smiling softly, "Good choice, Nae. You know Omari overthink shit, so he probably really thinkin' you hatin' him."

"True." I agreed.

I love you, but I don't like you rn. I need some time to process all this before I can even attempt to.. only be "friends" w/ you

I heard my phone go ding before my droopy eyes landed on it.

I noticed that my baby finally texted me back, so I quickly slid it open.

💍😍I love you, but I don't like you rn. I need some time to process all this before I can even attempt to.. only be "friends" w/ you

I wanted to text her back and tell her I ain't wanna be friends, but this is what I get for breaking up with her right?

The shit I do for love, I bitterly thought before picking up my glass of vodka and throwing it back, gulping it down.

That was my second shot of liquor since I've been sitting down at the front bar of Démanger. I been here for about an hour or two.

I felt my body warmly buzzing, but I wasn't drunk like I wanted to be. My body has a high tolerance of alcohol. Sometimes I loved it, but right now I'm hating it. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted to escape my troubled life just for tonight.

"Christina," I called out in a dull tone.

The bartender walked over to me, this being her third time. "Yes, Lucky? Would you like another shot of vodka?"

I thought about her question before shaking my head, "Nah, just gimme ah small glass of Hennessy."

I wasn't trying to be in a club filled with mostly strangers while being drunk. Now wasn't a good time nor place to be vulnerable. I had a few of my members in here, but my life is in my own hands at the end of the day.

"Here you go, boss. Enjoy." She grinned while setting my drink down in front of me.

I picked up my phone while taking a small gulp of my henny. I randomly speed dialed someone before placing the phone near my ear.

"Man, wassup? Me and Bean out here lo- hol' up, hol' up, is you at the club?" Nick questioned, probably hearing the music blast in the background.

"Bonjour to you too, nigga." I chuckled before downing the rest of my Hennessy like that shit was water.

"Omari, what you doin'? I thought we was gon' search for this nigga Hex until he was dead, not clubbin'!"

"Shh," I whispered. "I ain't out here clubbin'." I paused looking around as sweat began to form on my head. "I'm just tryna escape."

"Escape wh- you know what? It don't even matter. We on our way to Démanger, right now." He informed.

"And what if I'm at ah different club, nigga?"

"Just shut yo' ass up. Go to yo' office, man." Nick ordered making me lean my head back and glare at my phone.

"Is you Becky Hills, my G?" I asked, referring to my mom, causing him to smack his lips. "Who you think you orderin' around?"

"Yo' drunk ass." He answered.

"I ain't drunk." I claimed even though it was low key starting to feel the complete opposite. My body temperature was unusually rising at a rapid speed and I was slowly starting to see things, like Lanae's crying face from last night. "I fucked up."

Nick sighed, "Yeah, you did. Now we gotta babysit yo' ass."

"Nah," I paused. "I fucked up wit' Lanae."

"What?"

"I- I think imma c-call her." I hiccuped before ending the call and speed dialing Lanae's number.

When I was greeted with her voicemail, I cursed and pressed the end button. I stumbled a bit as I stood up from my stool. I knew I had to get to my office when I started swaying side to side while I tried my best to stand still. Making my way to the basement, where my office was placed, I made sure I kept my balance.

I damn near fell into my room, but a nearby wall prevented it me from busting my ass. Never have I ever felt this unstable with my body. I'm sweating like I'm in a damn oven, my vision is blurring up, and my body is growing limp. Two shots of vodka and a glass of Hennessy shouldn't have my body acting up like this. Trust me, I drunk stronger liquors than the two and it never affected me like I wasn't in control of myself.

Oh shit, I cursed inside of my head, maybe the liquor is catchin' up to me. Is this what alcohol poisoning feels like?

Randomly, I began picturing me and Lanae having sex in this office. I groaned lowly, feeling my dick stiffen up. I slammed my office door shut and tried to clear my mind from my dirty thoughts.

I'll love to make sweet love to her in here.

Maybe we should've did more baby makin' instead, so she'll be mine forever.

I'll break her back in if she ever think about gettin' wit' another nigga.

I'll kill any nigga who dares to step to her.

I'll blow up this whole city for pussy. Lanae is Omari Que Hills' dammit.

I fell down in my seat at my desk before pinching the bridge of my nose. All these crazy ass thoughts in my head we're giving me a headache. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I don't like it.

I stared straight ahead trying to calm myself down, but that only made my eyelids really heavy. A creaking noise flowed into my ear as I struggled to keep my eyes open. I watched my door slowly open with half-closed orbs before I seen the last person I excepted to be standing there.

I smiled a little bit, mumbling Lanae's name before passing out.