Squints punched me as hard as he could on my cheek, making it bleed. I wasn't going to fight him, but I knew I needed to get to Ella. I quickly pushed him off me and got up to my feet so I could run after her.

I sprinted as fast as I could, making my way through the crowd and towards the door. Too many people were trying to stop me and talk to me about "winning" the fight when all I did was push him off of me.

By the time I got to the opened doors, she was nowhere to be found. What did I do? I should've never let her talk me into coming. We could've been at my house watching Austin and Alley with Lilly like always instead of falling into Wendy's stupid trap. I knew something was off about the party, I should've stopped Ella from drinking.

I stood there at the bottom of the steps out of breath with blood running down my cheek. Squint's had a good punch, I'm not even mad he hit me. I deserved it, I kissed Wendy Peffercorn right in front of Ella.

I was too shocked to push her away, I didn't know what to do. I just froze, and Ella saw it. I'm a terrible boyfriend, this is all my fault.

For a second, I thought about running after her, but I didn't. She was probably already home by now and has told her dad everything.

I sat on the bottom steps with my head in my arms resting on my knees. My eyes started watering until I heard footsteps coming down the steps.

"Benny?" Wendy's voice came from beside me, "what's wrong?"

I looked up at her with pure hate in my eyes. Never before have I wanted to hit a woman, but she wasn't even one. She was a raging bitch who just made me lose the first girl I've ever loved that I'm not related to.

"What's wrong? Really?" I raised my voice and stood up, "You kissed me in front of Ella!"

"Did you not like it?" she said acting like the victim.

"No! Of course, I didn't like it!" I yelled, causing everyone in the front yard to come and watch what was going on, "you knew she was watching, didn't you?"

One guy started videoing, which made a bunch of other people record our argument as well.

"What? I had no idea, I would never-"

"Don't act like you're so innocent," I spat, "you've been obsessed with me from day one. Did it even occur to you that I don't want you?"

"Benny boo-"

"You came onto me. I have and will never have any sort of feelings for a bitch like you. Ella is way better than you'll ever be and you just screwed up our relationship, "I yelled.

The crowd "ooo'd" as we argued as if it was a tv show or something. I was too angry to care, but I could tell it was getting under her skin.

"Do you even know who I am kid?" she said, her words sour and dark.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I don't get how any guy would ever wanna be with you." I said as I walked away.

For some reason, they all cheered as I left like I had just done something heroic.

Wendy watched me make my way through the crowd then started yelling again.

"I'm Wendy fucking Peffercorn! I can get any guy I want! It's your loss!" she screamed then turned to one of the cameras, "what the fuck are you looking at?" then shoved her way back inside.

I had to get to Ella. I ran as fast as I could down the sidewalks and back to our street. I had a feeling that flowers wouldn't fix anything this time.

I checked the time before knocking on the door, it was already 9. I thought about turning around and giving her space for a while, but I had to make sure she was okay. Right before my fist could knock on the door it opened.

I was relieved that it was Joe and not her dad, he probably would've strangled me then and there.

"Is she okay?" is the first and only thing that I could say.

"I think she's sleeping right now, but her dad said she's a mess, " she said as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

"Did she tell you why?" I said nervously, almost not wanting to know the answer.

"She said she just drank a lot, nothing else, " she said suspiciously, "why?"

"Okay, I just wanted to check, " I said then started walking backward.

"Are you okay?" she asked, "you look really shaken up."

"Oh, I'm fine, " I lied, "oh, and can you not mention I stopped by? I just wanted to check on her."

"Of course, my lips are sealed, " she smiled.

"Thank you, " I said awkwardly then turned around and jogged home.

I ran home in my dress, my makeup completely ruined from how badly I was crying. I burst through the door and without even saying a word to anyone I ran upstairs to my room.

Dad quickly got up off the couch and followed me. He watched as I slammed open my closet door, grabbed all my bags and suitcases, and threw them on my bed.

"What are you doing?" he asked completely shocked and confused as to why I was so upset.

"I change my mind, I don't wanna stay anymore, " I said as I grabbed handfuls of clothes and shoved them into my bags one at a time.

"But I thought you loved California?" he leaned against the door frame and watched what I was doing.

"People can change their minds can't they?" I raised my voice at him.

"Okay slow down turbo, " he walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

I stopped what I was doing, but looked down at the ground so he wouldn't see I was crying.

"Tell me what happened, " he said in his quiet and comforting parent voice.

I finally gave in and looked up at him.

"What's wrong Ella?"

Those words. They always got to me. Even when I was done crying, they made me burst into tears again.

I fell apart into his arms and hugged him as tight as I could. I didn't even know what to think, Benny kissed Wendy. Right in front of me too.

"I drank a lot and then I was throwing up-"

My words all sounded like gibberish. I was crying too much and was probably still very drunk. I couldn't even understand what I had just said.

"It's okay, I'm here, " he said hugging me back just as tight.

I really lost it when he started running his hands through my hair like Benny did when I had that nightmare.

"I just wanna go home, " I said.

"I know baby, we'll go home the day after tomorrow, " he said softly as I bawled my eyes out in his arms, "you should get some sleep first."

"Okay, " I nodded into his chest and then let him lead me over to the side of the bed I always sleep on.

"My head hurts," I said as he laid me down then lifted the covers over me.

"I know, I'll get you some Advil, " he fixed my pillow for me then kissed my forehead, "I'll be right back okay? Stay here."

"Okay, " I said then quickly drifted off to sleep.

I don't remember if he ever came back to give me Advil or not, I was passed out. What I do remember was the terrible headache I had in the morning. I didn't wake up until one. It was almost worse than last night. My head hurt like hell, I still felt like I was gonna vomit again, and I could barely move without every muscle in my body hurting.

I still got up and changed anyway. I put on an old t-shirt and spandex and quickly put my hair into a messy bun. I was upset my dress reeked of throw up, but I didn't pay much attention to it since I was basically a dead girl walking.

All I could think about was Wendy's nasty red lips all over Benny. The image replayed over and over in my head. That was really the only thing I could remember after me chugging that beer.

I should've never gone to her stupid party. I broke down into tears again in my bed and just laid there crying until Phillips called me. I hung up on him the first time, but of course, Logan being the stubborn person he is, he kept calling. I think I hung up on him five times before finally accepting the call.

"It's about damn time, you can't ignore me, " he said with a smile which quickly faded when he saw me, "Holy shit, you look terrible... Ella Moore did you party without me?" he gasped and made an offended face.

"Yes, if it makes you feel better it was a terrible party, "

All I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. I was holding my tears back while I was talking to him, but it stung. My heart literally hurt.

I know she probably came onto him, but he didn't pull away. I might have been completely trashed, but I remember it like it happened two seconds ago. He just stood there and took it, like he wasn't even mad that she was doing it.

"Please don't tell me it was one of Wendy's parties, " he said like he already knew what that meant.

"She kissed him, Logan, " I said finally breaking, "right in front of me, and he just went along with it. He didn't even pull away from her."

"And you're sure he was completely sober too?"

"Have you met Benny? He would never drink, especially with what happened to his mom, " and that's when everything started hurting even worse.

All the times I was there for him when I helped him through his break down in the kitchen, I even forgave him when he said something rude about my mom. That's how much I love him, did none of that mean anything to him? Was he just using me to get all his firsts out of the way or something? Everything we went through together, and he just had to go a throw it all away.

"I'm never letting you play matchmaker for me ever again, " I joked in an attempt to lighten up to mood since he was practically just sitting there watching me cry.

"Never again, " he threw both hands in the air.

There was another moment of him just watching me cry again. I waited for him to say something smart or annoying to make me laugh, but he didn't and it was driving me crazy until a smirk formed across his lips.

"I'm glad me bawling my eyes out is entertaining for you, " I said then wiped my tears away even though more were just gonna fall.

"No, no, that's not why I'm smiling, " he said nervously to make sure I knew he wasn't kidding.

"Then why are you?" I asked even though I didn't wanna know the answer.

"I was just thinking, " he paused, "I wouldn't have hurt you like that. I would've actually smacked that bitch when I saw her leaning in."

"Seriously?" I said annoyed, "I'm bawling my eyes out over Benny and you're hitting on me?"

"No! I was just saying that I would've treated you better, " he shrugged his shoulders.

"You're an idiot, " I said then closed my computer to hang up the call.

Benny didn't treat me badly at all, he just kissed her. Or she kissed him and he didn't even care. I was done with everything and everyone.

I gathered up enough strength to take a shower, but as soon as I got in I just sat there with the water running on me while I was crying.

The funniest part is, you'd think I never wanted to see him again, but in reality, he was the only person I wanted to be with right now. I wanted to feel his touch, or have him give me butterflies just from one simple look. He was the only guy I've ever dated that I really loved and he just threw my heart in the trash like that.

As soon as I got out of the shower, I put the same clothes back on, didn't bother to put any makeup on, and started packing again. I had my AirPods in blasting Billie Eilish's music and using up all my strength to pack my bags to be able to leave tomorrow. I didn't even hear when my Gran came into my room with food. She had to tap on my shoulder to get my attention.

I took one earbud out and turned to face her.

"You need to eat, your friend Squints stopped by and said you threw up for an hour." She said with her concerned face on.

"I'm not hungry," I said like a zombie then went back to packing my bags.

"Okay, well it's here if you finally do." She said softly then walked out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, I stopped what I was doing and stared at the clothes that were folded neatly in my suitcase. Then all of a sudden, I lost it. I stomped over to the nightstand, opened the drawer, ripped the necklace off, and threw it in there, then slammed it shut. I slammed it so hard that the picture of my mom and I fell off the stand and shattered on the floor in front of me.

My heart stopped once again as I dropped to the ground on my knees. I started to angrily pick up the shattered glass, but it only cut my hand over and over again. I didn't even stop trying to pick it up until Dad came running into my room and saw all the blood coming from my hands.

"Ella! What are you doing?" He said as he ran over to me, "Joe! Get Bandages!"

He put his hands under my armpits and picked me up, making me drop the bloody glass back onto the ground.

"I shattered it," I cried hysterically as he set me down on the bed, away from the glass, "I need to fix it." I attempted to get up and reach for it again, but he stopped me.

"Look at me," he said quietly.

I just kept trying to reach for the glass and saying that I needed to put it back together. All I was thinking about was that if I couldn't fix how bad my heart was hurting, then I could at least fix the shattered glass.

"Ella! Look at me!" He raised his voice and shook my shoulders.

I looked up at him. I was lost, I didn't want to tell him what Benny did, but I needed to tell someone that wasn't going to use it as a chance to flirt with me.

"He kissed another girl," I said now ugly crying as Joe came running into the room with a first aid kit.

They both paused and looked at each other with worried looks.

"He doesn't love me anymore," the words came out of my mouth harshly, making me wish I had never come to California, and that I had never even laid my eyes on Benny.

Joe crouched down next to my dad with the bandages in her hand. She took the one that was cut up the most and began to wrap it up.

"I'm sure that's not true," she said trying to comfort me, "he cares about you very much."

"Are you sure it was Benny and not someone else? I mean, you were pretty blacked out last night," dad asked as he held the hand that wasn't being wrapped even though he was getting blood all over him.

"I'm positive, Squints tackled him and then he looked right at me," my tears were slowing down, but the pain in my hands hurt badly.

She wrapped both palms to where I could still use them, but the bandages were still restricting. I didn't talk much for the rest of the day but dad made me come downstairs so he could keep an eye on me. The only time I spoke was when Joe came to talk to me in private while dad was cleaning the glass.

"I have something to tell you," she said nervously.

I didn't talk yet, I just gave her a confused look and motioned for her to sit next to me on the couch.

"Benny came over last night, I didn't let him inside because you were sleeping, but he looked pretty shook up. I didn't understand why until you told us what happened,"

"What did he say?" Was the first question that came to mind.

I swear if he was gonna try to fix this with a stupid flower again I'd actually lose my shit... again.

"He asked how you were, and then told me not to tell you he stopped by," I could tell she was confused by why he even bothered to check on me in the first place.

"You didn't tell him we're leaving tomorrow though right?" I asked.

"I hadn't known yet," she said.

I was past the crying stage, now it was more of just a silent anger. The bad part about that was, I was mostly mad at myself.

Was I not good enough for him? Is that why he let her kiss him?

Was he just getting tired of me?

Or was he just pretending to be in love with me this whole time?

Every girl has all these questions when stuff like this happens to them. I just never thought I would have all of them because of Benny. He just seemed so different than all the other guys. He was sweet, and thoughtful. He took care of me while dad was staying at the Hospital with Gran, and he even took me to his spot to make it ours.

By the end of the day, I had come to think of two conclusions. It was a tough choice between if Benny had changed, or I just wasn't enough for him anymore. There was one thing I was certain of though, he wouldn't have let her kiss him if he still loved me.

------------------The Next Day-------------------

I woke up that morning after once again, crying myself to sleep thinking about Benny.

My bags were all packed and ready to be loaded in the car, the only thing left to do was leave.

No matter how badly I wanted to just stay and forget this all ever happened, I had more respect for myself. I had my mind made up that there had to be a reason as to why he didn't push her away when she kissed him. The only thing I wondered now was what would've happened if Squints didn't tackle him and break the kiss.

I got up to change my bandages in the bathroom but paused when I saw that the necklace had somehow ended up on the counter next to the sink. Dad must've moved it when he picked up the glass from the picture frame.

And that's when I had an idea.

"Hey jet, there's a box with your name on it," dad said after coming back inside with the mail, "it was on the front porch."

I looked over to see a plain brown box with my name on the top in cursive. It was Ella's handwriting, the same cursive she used to sign her name on all of her drawings.

He nicely set the box down on the dinner table in front of me. I stared at it for a moment. I understood she didn't want to see me, but why would she give me a box?

I took a deep breath, sat my spoon in the bowl of cereal in front of me, and pushed it to the side to grab the box. My hand was on the lid, but I hesitated to open it. When I finally lifted the top off, I automatically regretted it.

All the pictures of us, the butterfly I drew, the picture of the town from the view of our spot that she finally finished, my sweatshirt, the shirt I let her borrow from the pool, and what hurt the most, the necklace. I started by taking the sweatshirt and shirt out of the box. They both still smelled like her perfume. Then I picked up all the polaroids of us that were wrapped together in a rubber band. I pulled them out of the band one by one to look at them and remember what was going on when she took them. She was beautiful. She looked perfect in every single one of them.

I looked at the last three items in the box with tears in my eyes. The two drawings and the necklace. When I picked the drawings up, I noticed another piece of notebook paper taped to the bottom of the box. I ripped it off and unfolded it from a tiny square to a whole piece of notebook paper with writing on it.

Dear Benny,

I know letters are old-fashioned, but I still don't have a phone so this was the first thing I thought of. It may be a little cringe, but I needed a way to give you your stuff back and get some things off my chest.

Also sorry for spraying a shit ton of my perfume on your clothes lol.

I'm not gonna lie, this summer was amazing. All the memories with the sandlot boys, and the ones we made together on our own. I'm not mad anymore, just more confused and sad I guess.