A grin automatically makes it's way up to my lips when cold calm breeze hits my soft skin, I wrap my self in the thin shawl when my lips tremble because of coldness. Loud screams, yells and cheers can be heard from my house which is happily decorated with colorful lights and flower just to tell and show everyone that this is a 'marriage house'.

Yes, a marriage house, wait-its not my marriage, I am just 20 I am too young to even think about getting married, it's my sister who is currently single and is going to mingle tomorrow with a very handsome guy who's beauty surprised me the next second dad showed his photo to us, I secretly prayed to Allah to also gift me a handsome husband like my sister has been gifted.

My sister is 23 years young, she is damn beautiful like sometimes I get jealous of her, hey not that I am not beautiful I guess I am beautiful but mostly because of my doe eyes and small nose and short but average height I am labelled as cute.

All my freaking cousins are taller than me and that irritates me when they pushes me to the front when a group photo is taken.

My cousins are not mean they are sweet, I live with a lovely family, an elder sister Zaina Ahmad who looks more mature than me she is a silent girl whereas I am loud as hell, I hate when people are silent, from my perspective silence only radiates the vibes of attending a funeral.

She loves to study and well I am opposite, like she is too much she just now completed her bachelor degree and again she is taking Masters in business. The family which is gonna be her second home soon are so sweet that they let her study as much as she wants and also gave her permission to work!! Like yes I am surprised too!! And That's why I quickly prayed to Allah to give me parents in law's just like Zaina's.

Dad's are always daughters favourite so there is nothing different in my life, your gonna get 'my dad is my superhero types of vibes here because he is one.

I am not attached to ammi as much as I am attached to abbu --because I feel like she hates me—okay that was a joke. I am a brat I agree I am a spoiled kid I agree to that too but that doesn't give Ammi the rights to compare me. Well, comparing is something she loves to do because she thinks kids will learn only after they are compared, you know I feel like reversing this policy on mothers I want to compare her with my aunty too and then sit back and ask her, how do you feel after being compared?

But I do not have that much guts so the only thing I could do is smile to irritate her. Okay, she is not as bad as I am portraying her she is lovely at times, yeah she takes Zaina's side always but dad is there to take my side. But that doesn't mean she does not love me, I am her own blood guys.

I doubted at first about that and started believing my sister who said I am adopted with a serious face which made me believe things but then I checked my birth certificate to see if I was my mom's and dad's kid and so was I.

As I look over my shoulder to find my Abbu laughing happily with a group of old people my heart warms up at his lovely laugh, where my uncle looks like he is the centre of attention, I figured out from the way everybody are peeking at him from time to time.

I guess he is being bullied by my father who must be saying the same old story where my uncle fell into the mud and instead of getting pampered he was scolded by my grandparents, I know that story by heart even if you wake me up in the middle of the night I can tell every single scene without missing a dot.

Well I am listening to the same old story since I came into sense so it's not my fault for remembering such stupid things instead of maths formulas and tables.

When I thought I will be enjoying the soft kisses of the calm breeze my phone rings, When Ammi's name pop up I quickly pick it up.

"Where are you?" She straight goes to the point "out in the garden" I reply but I hear her sighing "Kinza do you want to roam around empty hands on your sister's wedding day?" I can feel her glaring at me through the phone "I have work ammi, I can't sit in a place like a bride while applying heena"

"Gosh others are there to do work you come right now I am waiting" she quickly cuts the call without waiting for my answer.

Her way of showing love.

My eyes automatically rolls back feeling annoyed but I drag my feet towards my house where loud laughter can be heard.

When my eyes caught the figure of my far cousin Armaan standing in the middle of the hall as he narrates some story to everyone whose eyes or on him my cheeks heats up at the presence of a male figure.

I quickly take a u-turn and grab my shawl which is around my shoulder to cover my head. I gulp the nervousness which is running through my veins but turn to walk past him without being noticed.

But how can my fate be as I plan, ammi needs to enter "Kinza!! Come here!!" Everybody snaps their head towards me as if I am new human who was born just yesterday, I squeeze my eyes tight but open them to peek at the guy who is making me feel uncomfortable by his presence only to see him staring at me.

I quickly hung my head low before nodding at everyone and walking past the handsome guy who took away my breath in few seconds.

I rush towards my room to go hide my flushed cheeks. I rub my chest to calm my heart's fast beat which is rapidly knocking against my chest.

You must be confused who Armaan is to me that I am flushing and blushing out of nowhere. Well, he is no one to me. Not my crush nor my secret boyfriend. He is just a guy and that is enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

I do not have any phobia of boys or anything but whenever I see a boys excluding uncles and old people my whole body burns up and an uncomfortable feeling of them watching me thumps my heart, even though I know I will be least of anyone's interest but still that feeling of another gender scares me.

Since I was a kid ammi and Abbu taught me to stay away from boys, they always tell me that we should not keep friendship with boys it is wrong, only we can talk with our brothers and other than that we should not even see boys and because of them I am not even able to stand in a room where there is a boy or a Man it just makes me uncomfortable.

My parents are very strict on boys meeting girls or even just looking at them just so we know how the opposite gender looks. My dad's whole body burn if 'accidentally my mom's tongue slips and if she talks about the love marriage that our neighbor's daughter did years ago. I don't why he looks at them with disgust.

I know being in a relationship at the thought of making it halal later is haram in islam because who knows what happens in future? And I totally understand that but that doesn't mean he have any rights to judge them and look at them with disgust, I love my dad to the core but this behaviour of his irritates me to the core.

I have studied in a school where only girls where allowed, no sir only Maam's and my dad thinks it's best if her daughters are stayed in the shell he created, and that's why when they created my bank account my hands where trembling as if I am an asthma patient when the young guy asked for my signature.

I totally with all rights accuse Ammi and Abbu for making me like this, if they ask me to marry all of a sudden I swear I will die under pressure I am sure about that.

Sometime I feel like something is wrong with me but then I realise my religious parents made me feel like I am doing the biggest sin ever even if I take a peek at a guy.

So yeah I am scared of even getting married, how am I going to marry an unknown person when I feel like fainting and hiding behind the couch if an unknown guy or my cousin is present in the same room. I don't know how I am gonna overcome through this little phobia.

My room door opens by my mom who is glaring at me while standing in a distance, gosh not her yells now "why did you run like you saw a ghost, come out now! What will people think if you stay in when everyone are out" a pout forms on my lips hearing her, says the one who made me feel like boys are ghost and we shouldn't stand near them.

"Ammi...that guy is in the room" I whine like a kid as I flop on my comfortable bed "guy? Oh Armaan?" Ya allah! I look at her with wide when she yells his name "Ammi!! Stop yelling" I glare at the women who shrugs but walks towards me as if she did not just yell his name giving everybody a hint that we are talking about him.

"What is wrong if he is there? He is you cousin kinza, there is nothing wrong and you should go talk with everyone stop being so shy" she glares at me before pulling me up by my arm.

Mom's are so Difficult to understand!!

I am acting like a shy teen because of YOU mom, I wish I could say that out loud but I don't want to walk around with finger prints on my face on my sis marriage so with a pout I follow her not before covering my head securely with the dress shawl.

"Please apply heena for kinza too...she is brides sister" my mom introduces me to the heena artist who looks tired as hell. She nods her head and makes some space so I can sit.

"A simple one is enough" I smile at the tired women who nods but soon ammi slaps my back "No your hands should be red, the one I chose for Zaina yeah that one please apply that one" she nods at the poor women whose back must be hurting like hell, I know, I can tell she is in pain. But my mom being the cruel one ignore her tired face, ya allah please give her some sense.

When I see ammi walking away towards the kitchen I whisper to the young girl who looks like she is same age as me "hey sis...you look tired just apply a simple one, don't listen what ammi said" the young girl chuckles in response but shakes her head "I am fine maam, your mom chose the design long ago for you but then you were not here so we applied that to the bride." She tells me about something which I know ammi must have done.

"Okay, thankyou" I grin at the girl who smiles back "you have a beautiful smile" my cheeks flushes up when she compliments me about something everybody does.

"I—thankyou" gosh I am shy now. I stay quiet to not disturb the women who is filling my hand very quickly but peek at my left where Armaan is still entertaining my aunties with some other guys joining the conversation.

I repeat some other guys!! Gosh I am gonna rush to the niqaab store to buy a niqaab which suits my dress color, I won't be able to enjoy my sis's marriage if there are so many boys present!! Allah please help me.

But anyways, Thanks to allah I am seated with my back facing them.

Am I overreacting? No I am not!!

My lovely parents gave me everything to enjoy games to play, phone to study yes only to study because at night or whenever they feel like they open my phone just to check if I am chatting with a guy or not...No No they were not doubting me they trusted me with their heart and soul, but you know they were just protecting and when I turned 18 all those restrictions came down, mamma suddenly comes up and asks me to go talk to my cousin after years of prisoning my mind with holy things she suddenly wants me to act casual infront guys.

Gosh lets take a break from this boys topic and let's concentrate on the beautiful design this beautiful women is applying on me.

I look up to see my sister staring at me as she sits there with a gloomy expression, I quickly give her smile-no I grin at her and she returns a small smile but breaks are eye contact.

What's wrong with her? Maybe she is upset she is leaving such a wonderful sibling, yeah that must be the reason but I will miss her too.

But on a serious and truthful note my heart somewhere jumped happily when her marriage was fixed, like I am gonna rule the entire room, I am already planning on joining both the single beds into one and gonna remove all her clothes or maybe even steal one and put them on the small cupboard they gave because I am the youngest.

I am the youngest I know so? Why are you being partial? Can't ask them though they are feeding me food so that is something I should be grateful off so yeah I never voice out my thoughts, Jeddah is beautiful I agree but I can't sleep in streets, I know I will be abandoned the next second I raise my voice.

I am an obedient kid who loves to annoy her mother and sister, dad is my partner in crime but he is also moody so sometimes I feel left out in this big house with a sister who always looks like she just gone through some heart break which I have seen in a YouTube video, ammi who is always busy in her phone chirping with her sister and dad with work and what can I do roll from this side to other side or play some boring games or talk to my friend in the call.

Well, meetups with friends are strictly prohibited in my house. Hmm, I know you are feeling pitty and sorry for me, its okay because I feel the same on myself at times.

After sitting still for more than an hour finally the heena artist smiles at me and informs me that I can go. I quickly thank her first for being so patient and sweet but she being the sweetest like expected smiles and tells me its nothing and soon all the five young artists take their leave and I take my sit beside Zaina who is looking down blankly.

"Sis, it's your marriage you can smile, I won't charge you for smiling I promise" I roll my eyes at the girl who chuckles and shakes her head "Kinza come here" her voice low and weak as she calls me so I scoot closer and suddenly she does something which siblings do not do, she moves forward and hugs me tightly.

"I-huh?" I gulp feeling awkward but wrap my arm around her to hear her "take care of mom dad when I am not here"

.......