i cant say i blame you

id been distant for far too long

gave you no reassurance

and no explaination as to why

all those little signs you noticed

i noticed them too

but refused to admit it

and seem like a fool

i havent slept in my bed

it still smells like the night you left

you say im not losing you

that im still your best friend

but we both know now

it'll never be the same

to lose you is to lose a part of me

i feel like ive been torn in two

how long ago had you decided

that this was what you would do?

did you know

when you picked me up

for our date at 5?

was your mind typing

a script at dinner?

or were you only certain

once i laid in your arms?

there was nothing to be said

except everything i didnt say

when you held me as i cried

i needed to feel everything

and instead felt nothing at all

i have plenty of regret

but none compares to this

the thoughts of "what if"

wondering what i could have done