❝ What made her strong was despite the million things that hurt her, she spoke of nothing

nothing but happiness ❞

I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was. It always leaves me heartbroken and clueless.

And every night when I lay my head down, my head fills with noises. The house can be so quiet yet so loud. No one is here, just me drowning in my thoughts. There are so many things I want to tell but I am scared... What if I tell someone and they reject me? Maybe she is right, maybe I deserve this. Deserve all of it and so much worse.

I let out a sad bitter chuckle as I drifted page to page, word to word, reading those dark little secrets that my younger self had written, trusting so blindly, believing that no one would ever come to know about it.

Shame, I could read it and remember the exact same memories and guilt we shared. That notebook was like a souvenir given to me by my agonizing past. So that I could never forget all the cruel things that had taken place, all the damage I had caused.

It was kind of toxic, I wanted to throw that away and live my life without worrying about anything, But I was scared. I was so used to it now that I feared what will happen if I forgot everything, If I have to move on? More importantly will I be able to move on? No.. it was the only familiar thing I felt in this unknown world.

"You sure, you don't wanna come with us?" Maria's voice echoed causing me to jump in my seat as I hurriedly closed the notebook and shoved it on the table among the other books.

"Yeah, I am not feeling very well today," I said, biting my lower lip and turned around guilty.

Maria looked at me through the mirror, brushing her hair slowly, she mumbled "Poor, I was looking forward to it"

I let out a sigh, feeling terrible for canceling our plans out of the blue, But I needed it. Don't know why, I just did.

"I am sorry. I swear, I'll make it up to you" I promised looking down at my hands, suddenly I felt like an awful friend.

"Don't be, I get it. But I swear to god, if you refused to go shopping with me next time. I will never share my dessert with you ever again" Maria's playful voice brought me back to reality as I rolled my eyes. It was a weak threat but it was fine.

"I promise, I won't" I assured in an earnest tone, nodding my head.

With her freshly braided hair, she turned around grinning clearly satisfied. Raising my hand I gave her a thumbs up, letting her know that she looked great in black legging and grey crop top.

"Well then am leavin now. Don't have fun without me" She warned me, putting on her sneakers.

"Yeah yeah whatever, there's nothing to do anyway" I waved my hand off dismissively and rolled my eyes.

"Okay then, Bye!" She yelled opening the door, but stopped in the middle, then slowly she turned around and plastered a smile on her face, spoke "Don't think, I forgot about you making up to me thing. We'll discuss more when I get back" Giving me one last wink, she walked out of the door closing it quietly.

"TAKE CARE" I yelled as I heard her footsteps walking away, vanishing into thin air.

Sighing I looked back at the notebook and slowly reached towards it, a war going on inside me between my mind and my heart.

Hesitant I grabbed the notebook and gulping down a lump in my throat,I quickly opened the last page.

My breath hitched as I placed my fingers on the old delicate picture laying there lifeless. I squeezed my eyes shut and quickly took the photo, clutching it tightly in my hand.

The beautiful witness of happiness glinted at me, as I slowly opened my eyes. That picture was the only thing, I called mine. Though I felt strangely calm from outside, but inside? I felt like screaming, shouting, breaking, then bursting into unshed tears.

Sadness clouded over me as I took the sight of our happy little family photo. There was glee in the air, everyone was smiling so brightly except her.

She had a big ugly frown on her face. She always did. I knew it was because she didn't want me in the picture and she tried everything in her power to not let it happen. But, it was a waste.

"I hate you so much"

Her cold harsh words were still fresh in my memory. Like a muffled scream, they screeched in my head everyday. I wanted to tell her that I hated myself too. That she was right, I was the reason all along.

A light knock on the door broke me out of my thoughts, like a small push and I fell back on the ground from the high of my twisted thoughts.

Closing that my own little hell, I put it on the table and got up lazily from the chair.

Opening the door, I got lost in those wickedly mysterious hazel eyes sparking at me brighter than the sunlight out there.

"What do you want?" I asked him with a blank face.

The corner of his mouth quirked up, turning into a sly smirk as he replied "I want a lot of things actually, but I am not here to discuss that. Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"No"

He sighed looking down then looked up at me, fluttering his eyelashes. He did look kind of cute, but I still stood there with a blank expression.

He rolled his eyes at my lack of interest and said in monotone "Fine! Coach's calling you. It's practice time"

My mouth fell open at the cruel reality of his words as I stood there bewildered "Bu-but aren't we supposed to be off from that hell hole today?" I sputtered clinging on the door.

"Correction, we are not supposed to be off from basketball" He stated coolly shoving his hands in his dark jeans pocket. Realization dawned over me as I pursed my lips tightly.

I looked down at my sweatpants and tank top 'Give me a break' written over it and cursing under my breath and I looked up at him grimacing.

Giving me a big cheeky grin, he said "I can wait" Mischief glowing in his eyes.

Sighing, I opened the door ajar and stepped aside, letting him in.

"I'll be very quick. Make yourself comfortable" I muttered grabbing the cleanest pair of shorts I found.

"Some one's being nice" I heard him chuckle under his breath, as the air sighed in contentment. Without caring to reply, I went to the bathroom.

Quickly throwing my shorts on, I tied my messy hair into a ponytail and washed my face. A fresh feeling consumed me as I splashed cold water on the skin.

Grabbing the towel, I wiped my face, patting it gently. Casting one last glance at the mirror I stepped out from the bathroom.

"What the hell are you doing?" An instant growl erupted from me as I saw Ethan standing there with my notebook in his hand. How could I forget to put it back?

Sprinting towards him, I roughly snatched it from him and glared at him.

"I am sor-" He began to speak but I cut him off.

"Save it! Just let's go" I roared putting the notebook back on the table and reminded myself to keep it somewhere safe.

No words were exchanged between us as we stalked towards the gym. Silence spoke in it's own way as we walked past the barren hallway, with unsaid words weighing our shoulders.

I heard him clearing his throat "I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that" His voice was strangely raspy, which made me wonder... How did I not notice it before?

"It's fine, forget it" I muttered curtly.

Once again silence took the lead, disappointed. Our quiet steady footsteps echoed in the air.

"So you have a sister?"

One question. All it took was that one question and millions of memories came flooded in my mind. I wanted to yell at him for asking me about that, for asking me about myself, but calmed myself down.

"Had. I had a sister" I mumbled. I insisted myself that my voice was perfectly fine, it didn't change even a slightest bit.

I could feel him stop for a moment, barely a second, then he uttered "I am sorry"

Shaking my head, I looked down at my walking feet, an ugly feeling taking over me, controlling me with the screams in my head.

Slowly, I raised my head looking up at him and found him staring at me, observing me. "Don't be. It's not your fault" I whispered faintly, biting my lip

It's nobody's fault, but mine...

I know, it seems pretty confusing right now but you'll understand everything, it'll take some time though.

Till then, keep an eye on these small hints dropping. It might come in handy ;)

Anyway, what do you think about this chapter? Was it too short? Probably yes... Was is too boring? Erm.. idk? You tell me. Hope you all like it! Don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts, they make my day!

And guess who's goin on a road trip with her bro and friends? This girl!

Though don't worry, I'll update before I leave and also forgive me, for my mistakes. What can I say? I was in Hurry.

Bye, Stay safe. Smile! Happiness looks good on you :)

Love, Zee...