❝I think she's very lonely. Lonelier than she lets on.

Maybe lonelier than she even realizes❞

Staring at the ceiling, I waited for the sleep to come by like a lost friend, who promised me to return one day, before disappearing. The night seemed endless as I laid there in the silence piercing my soul, emotionless yet feeling every emotion.

The dim rays of moonlight quietly slunk in from the window, lightening the dark room with it's faint shine. Comforting my shattered soul, accompanying my lonely heart and silencing my screaming thoughts.

My mind tried to manipulate me, trying to make me think about all the things, I wanted to forget, whispering all those wicked secrets to my heart as it tried to hold on.

Distraction. I wanted a distraction, but all I got was that numb feeling creeping my soul and emptiness mocking my heart.

Those familiar images flashed in front of my eyes and memories clouded my head. Those words echoing hurt me, it's like someone had recorded them and played it on repeat in my mind.

"It's your fault. I hate you"

"You destroy everything"

Her words, those screams were crystal clear, ringing in my ear, almost deafening me. Gulping down that tight lump in my throat, I rolled over to the other side, in my bed, which suddenly felt so uncomfortable, so cold.

My fingers dug into my skin as I tightly curled my hand into fist, emotions running through my veins, making me hard to think straight. What was it? Rage? Guilt? Sorrow? Or just frustration, for not being able to figure out what it was.

Taking deep breaths, slowly, calmly, I told myself to control.

Turning my head hopelessly, I looked at Maria sleeping soundless in the bed just beside mine, a clear sheet of peace visible on her face. Her mouth slightly parted, letting that drool sneak out, trailing on her chin and falling on that pillow, she had her face squished on.

I sighed, hugging my pillow close to me, silently telling it all my secrets, thanking it for being there with me.

Those mementos played twisted game with my soul as my lips quivered, those tears that never got the chance to bleed, filled my eyes. Stubborn, I refused to let them set free, maybe that's why my heart felt so heavy.

I wanted to curse myself to death, beat me, for that I couldn't help, but feel that emptiness eating me. God. I missed her. So fucking bad.

But, just thinking about her would bring all those bad memories back and made me realize why I didn't want to remember them, in the first place.

Tiredly, I closed my eyes, pushing those tormented souvenirs and thoughts back inside and blocked out all of her hateful words and those wicked voices as I laid there in the darkness, waiting for their end to come, before mine.

~~~

"Good Morning, Winter!" Turning around, I spotted Sieve's familiar silver hair in the thick crowd as she walked towards me with a small smile playing on her lips and books in hand, clutched close to her chest.

"There's actually nothing good about this morning, but sure, good morning!" I muttered under my breath as she came by my side, falling into steps beside me.

"Been quiet long, eh? How was your weekend? Mine sucked" She asked tilting her head in my direction, with a questioning gaze.

"Fine, I guess. It was nice. Why yours sucked, though?" I raised my eyebrow at her, adjusting my sling bag, hanging on my shoulder, stuffed with notepad and crinkled papers.

"Nothing you see I ju-" Her sentence got interrupted as a rushed body almost collided with her, making her stumble. Pushing past her roughly, they kept walking further, without pairing a glance to Sieve's or her fallen books, on the floor.

"Learn to use your eyes, Asshole" I barked coldly, turning around, just to see him keep walking without paying any attention.

"It's fine" I heard her quite mumble, I quickly crouched down to pick her books and met her eyes "You okay?"

Nodding, she looked at me with a thankful look as I gave her the papers that had flown around, falling everywhere.

"What a prick" I muttered, walking ahead with a throbbing head as Seive rushed to my side.

"Atta girl! I love your Confidence and damn your persona! You've officially became my favorite person"

It's funny how people just assume things about you, whether it's good or bad, true or false, they just do. It was becoming more of a habit.

Maybe, it's because they have no idea, don't know anything about you. So, that's why, they make up their own fantasies to believe in, create a different version of you in their mind? Well whatever it was, in my case it was not true.

Because, in the end, I was not confident and even in the hardest and shittiest situation, it was still me pretending to be confident. Pretending to be tough, to hide that quiet girl within me, who was so scared, so insecure around people, that she just wanted to run away somewhere far away, lonely place; even if she hated it.

It was just me trying to fool people around me, because I wanted them to be afraid of me, afraid of hurting me. And somewhere along that, I was fooling myself too.

Casting a glance at her, I mused "Have I?" Then, I began to take out the small water bottle from my bag. God bless my best friend.

Seive hummed from beside me as I gulped down the water from my bottle, the cold and chilled liquid comforting my dry and burning throat.

Tilting my head towards her, I put out the water bottle to her, offering. With a small smile, she shook her head.

Shrugging, I closed the bottle putting it back in my bag and looked up, when she asked "So, what's your plans now?"

I frowned walking ahead, then stepped aside when I nearly bumped into the group of students in front of me.

"I just know that I have forty-five minutes left before my next class and I have to use it wisely. A short nap would do, I am dying for some sleep" I nodded to myself.

"Nap? It's like 10:30 right now. Unless, you didn't sleep well? Rough night?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me, then let out fist of tinkling giggles when I gave her a stony expression.

"Stop with your imagination. It's nothing like that, I was just.... thinking?" Last night's restless moments flickered in my mind as I replied.

"I know the feeling, happens with me a lot and I also know a peaceful spot where we can hang" Seive turned towards me, with a big grin.

I wondered what she meant by that 'happens with me a lot' But, my mind came up blank. Except that, we all are fighting a battle that nobody knows about.

"I doubt it" I told her

"Don't" She spoke up, grabbing my hand and pulled me. Telling myself not to squirm, I walked along as she dragged me to god knows where.

The students rushed, left behind as she pulled me into an empty hallway. Silence guarded it and darkness accompanied, except those faint rays of light coming through windows.

As funny as it sounds, I actually thought if she brought me there to kill me, like those movies. Very logical.

"Where the hell are we?" I asked, mind blown as we turned a corner and a huge staircase, fell in sight, decorated with dust and old flyers. Everything felt old and worn out.

"This" Seive looked at me, gesturing around the hallway and continued "Is the old building of our college or you can say back side, considering it's just right behind, anyway not my point here. It's had never been in use for quite long time"

Then turned around, motioning towards the stairs, she spoke up "And this the stairs to Rooftop, which happens to be unlocked, because of the carelessness or delusion, that nobody comes here"

She grinned at me twirling around, after explaining. Probably feeling proud of herself.

"So in other words, you are saying that this is the peaceful spot, you were talking about?" I raised my eyebrow looking around at our creepy surroundings. I didn't even want to think about the possible dangers there.

"Pretty much, but the best part is up there" She spoke, walking upstairs then looked over her shoulder at me, when I asked "Are we even allowed to be here?"

She shook her head and giggled, walking up to reach the door "Not really, but this is what rebellion is about... right?

Smirking to myself, I followed her stride, footsteps echoing quietly leaving a melody behind "It sure is"

The Darkness faded away and soft soothing air flushed over me as the door creaked open. It really was unlocked. The sky was covered with grey hazy clouds and the wind swayed around happily, messing with my hair, but I didn't mind.

"Woah" I breathed, stepping outside, filling the emptiness.

Saying it was big would be putting it mildly, it was huge. The bright grey sky looked vivid, coordinating with the grey pavement below and humming wind whooshed around.

Parking lots and a glimpse of the courtyard could be stolen from the above. Students filled there looked like mini puppets moving around, disobeying. Peace sprinkled around, giving comfort to my soul.

"Pretty great, isn't it?" Sieve's furry voice asked from behind me and the sound of door closing spoke one last time.

"Yeah" I let out, still facing forward as I inhaled the peaceful scenario. A feeling of warmth engulfed me and I felt free. Free from all the chaos, that was my mind.

Sighing in satisfaction, I turned around and saw her crouched down at the corner, in front of something, her back facing me.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I stalked towards her "What is it?" I asked and went by her side.

Peeking from above, I saw tiny fragile yellow flowers with their friend bright green leaves, standing proudly.

"They were left here lifeless, so I took care of them" Sieve spoke letting out a quite chuckle, caressing the soft petals of the flower.

"They are pretty"

"Indeed. Do you know what yellow flowers indicate?" She asked looking up at me through her eyelashes.

"Happiness?" I voiced out the unfamiliar thing as I too crouched down beside her, looking at those enchanting and delicate gifts from nature.

"Yes. Happiness. Joy, the bond of friendship or taste of success, to love and be loved. Everything and nothing in between" She smiled at me, leaving me speechless.

Wordless, I stared at her for a moment or was it longer than that? Then, I slowly turned my head to those bright yellow small flowers with a bigger meaning to them. To love or be loved wasn't it I wanted?

"Can I have your water bottle, please?" Her voice perked up from beside me as I nodded mindlessly, taking out my bottle from the bag.

Deeply buried in my thoughts, I watched her as she took the water bottle and screwed open the cap, quenched the thirst of those plants, sprinkling the water on them.

Leaning closer to the flowers, she felt the petals against her nose as she took a deep breath, "What if life is a dream?" Her quiet, muffled voice rang like a siren in my head.

Then, I can't wait to wake up and say 'Forget it Winter, it was just a bad dream.'

I have a serious headache which seems to be getting worse and worse by seeing those big bundle of books and question papers in front of me. Ah, this is going to be fun.

Anyway, I updated two chapters so make sure to check out both. Hope you like them, don't forget to leave some feedbacks.

Bye, be safe. Smile and enjoy the day :)

Love, Zee...