❝ Her scars were her best attire. A stunning dress made of hell fire.❞

Roaring of the pain in my chest and raging waves of confusion suffocated me. Tears raced down my cheek one by one as I gnashed my teeth, putting all my pressure on the accelerator.

My vision was blurry, the whirlwind storm of emotions numbed my senses. I blared the horn continuously, hitting the steering wheel with my hand in aggression and then a strangled sound left my throat.

I tried to stop myself from shaking and focused on the unknown yet somewhat familiar road, trying to drive without killing myself, if that thing called life already didn't kill me.

My lips quivered, the unsaid misery stuck like a piercing needle in my throat, that could only be explained by the hot tears like lava burning up my eyes.

Suddenly, everything I believed in seemed so ridiculous and lost its meaning, leaving me confused and lost. With a screeching sound, the car halted in front of the empty field adorned with it's fine growing grass and breathing erratically and shakily, I jumped out.

With as much energy as my whimpering body could muster, I carried myself towards the field, where I had spent a memorable time once and I did something I never planned to do, but was the only thing that could describe my inner war.

I screamed.

Loud and furious, wrecked and unhinged, I screamed pouring my heart out. I screamed because words were too complicated to express my struggle, because tears were not enough to translate my pain. I screamed, because I was done trying to pretend to be fine, trying to figure myself out.

I screamed, because I didn't know what else to do.

My knees weakened and I fell on the ground hopeless and completely shattered. And somewhere in between, my screams turned into uncontrollable sobs, that could never be muffled with the lies.

Of course, she hated me, I was a constant reminder of her husband's infidelity. I was always there to remind her, how at one point in life, her family was at the very seam of tearing apart. I crashed into their family and took her daughter's place after killing her, didn't I?

I was the reason why everyone was so far and farther away, never wanting to see each other. That one happy family of warm hues and shining laughter was dead now. Dead and buried in the cold silence.

Gripping the soft fabric of my top in my fist, trying so hard to feel my chest and the heart caged inside, I tried to quiet down the cracked sobs, but it didn't stop.

Instead, those sobs continued telling the story of everything that I went through and tears too cried their agony and I let them. I didn't hold back and allowed me, for the first time, to be weak, because I accepted that no matter how hard you try, you just cannot save yourself from the damage.

That was the thing about this world and this time, I allowed myself to accept the complicatedly twisted truth.

I roughly wiped my cheek with my hand as tears painted them with their sad colors. The lump in my throat couldn't move and a helpless sound escaped my mouth.

Is that all I was? A drunken mistake? Is that why Dad always chose me over Claire? Because he felt bad for me? Or in a sick way, he was trying to make amends?

I was drowning in my thoughts and there was no one around, just me gasping for the air in utter silence. I almost believed that, that was it, maybe this could be the ending.

Seconds felt like minutes, minutes like hours and hours felt like eternity, but I didn't move, couldn't move and stayed there on the ground, searching for something as flawed as me.

My tears dried, the dampness of my cheeks was gone, the unheard sobs turned into ruined sighs and everything was just as still as ever, as if the time had stopped to look at me, pitiful.

The thunder in my chest was not quite yet, but everything was awfully silent and I didn't know if I hated it or craved it. Silence.

I watched the birds flying away with the sun, returning to their home and leaving the dusk behind. The clouds sewed to the sky, perfectly put together.

I too wanted to leave, but again where would I go? To the dorm, where this darkness will easily follow me? Or to my friends, who didn't know that my world was made of lies? Or to that one person, who himself was inviting me to ravage his peace?

Taking in a long shaky breathe, I stared at the sky. Sometimes life feels little too long and sometimes, not enough.

A loud noise of the car engine, followed by a sudden shriek echoed, causing me to jolt up in shock.

Slowly getting up from the grass, I turned around wholly confused, when I noticed the familiarity of that car. My eyes widened and I took a step back as the door opened, revealing an even more familiar face.

His shirt was all wrinkled and messy and expression unreadable, his eyes found me and without wasting any time, he stalked towards me.

His jaw was ticking and when he reached closer to me, his eyes visibly dilated, but he didn't say anything and in one swift move, pulled me in his arms, that I barely got a chance to comprehend what was happening.

Tightly, he held me against his chest, burying his face in my hair and let out a sigh of relief?

Then, like a soft thrashing of an ocean wave, he rumbled "You crazy crazy crazy woman, how fucking dare you? Stop disappearing like this. I was scared shitless."

I didn't pay attention to his words, because of the train of thoughts controlling my mind.

Is this how it feels? When something is hidden from you for so long, then suddenly you are forced to learn the truth, to face it.

Is truth supposed to hurt? More importantly, if I tell him my truth, would he be hurt too?

No.. I don't want him to be hurt.

His smooth murmur stopped my thoughts, "You were crying, weren't you?"

I looked at him and found his hazel eyes pinned at me, in adoration and concern.

I didn't reply, because I knew if I did, it would be just another pathetic lie. So, I stayed quiet and let my silence confirm his question.

He too didn't say anything and with a delicate movement, he caressed my cheek, tracing the tear stains. Closing my eyes, I leaned into his touch, stealing it's warmth.

Slowly, he bowed down his head and kissed the small space between my brows, lovingly, and whispered.

"Something's wrong. What happened?"

I shook my head, I didn't want him to stay in the dark anymore. I want him to know the truth. Then, it would be his decision, if he wanted to stay with me or leave, like I always anticipated.

So, determined I met his gaze, steeling myself and told him in an emotionless tone "I—I want to tell you."

Confused, he frowned looking down at me and asked "What?"

Sucking in a deep breath, I forced the words out of my mouth, knowing it would change my world, once again. "Everything."

So after a week or so of procrastination, few mental breakdowns and staring at the blank screen or god knows how long, I finally completed the chapter. Hope you liked it.

It has been a crazy week and I am not ready share the details, but know it was 'crazy' haha. Also, I thought this chappy would be easy to write, but geez, it was anything but that. I almost banged my head against the nearest wall.

Stay positive, bye. Show me a smile, and I'll show you one back :)

Love, Zee..