I shove another handful of popcorn in my mouth, chewing so loudly I have to turn the volume up on my 60 inch flat screen TV. I bend forward to grab the garlic powder shaker and sprinkle some more in my bowl, my eyes remaining on a particularly gruesome scene of the movie The Notebook. Who knew two people could kiss for such a long time under the rain? Wouldn't all the water get in the way and like, choke them?

The doorbell finally goes off. Maleficent jumps 5 feet in the air from where she had been previously curled up next to me in a rare moment of affection. She lands back on the couch and digs her claws in the brown leather, puncturing 20 holes on the brand new thing. She then bolts behind the living room curtains and I roll my eyes at her retreating form. What a drama queen. It is a wonder she has not sprayed the place at least once so far. Aren't skunks supposed to do that when they are scared?

I pause the movie and lazily get up from the couch to get the door. While wondering what to tip the pizza delivery guy, I look up to think and my jaw drops when I see the wall from the corner of my eye. I freeze. The scythe is not there anymore.

This is bad.

I hesitantly open the front door, peering behind it to see a young guy wearing a red baseball cap with the words "Home to the one and only cheese stuffed crust" printed in white fancy lettering.

A loud beep goes off and I pivot, dropping to my knees, with barely enough time to see a Beretta in each of his hands aimed right at the back of the room.

''Lady, chill, it's just the debit machine...''

I un-holster one of my guns, turn to grab the pizza and tell him to run, but he is gone before I have the time.

I glance down and the pizza box lays on the floor as if someone has very gently put it there. I squint my eyes at a small note on it: Fuck. You. Also, look behind you.

I pivot again, and feel a strong push on my back. I am suddenly sent flying across the room cursing myself for having fallen for this cheap variation of tapping the other shoulder. The only thing that breaks my arrival on the opposite wall is my pizza.

Death has literally crashed my dinner.

I close my eyes and clench my jaw, feeling the hot tomato sauce drip down my satin bra.

Now I am pissed.

Before I have the time to delve on my ruined dinner and lingerie, someone grabs me by the back of the shirt, spins me around and bangs me against the wall. I hear a crack, which I am hoping is the dry wall and not my spine.

I quickly recover and look up in a pair of angry black eyes.

Still holding my gun, I point it at Death's chest and pull the trigger without hesitating, but before the bullet has time to exit through the barrel, he tips the firearm upward and I watch as a hole appears on my ceiling, followed by a loud crash from upstairs. There goes the prized Venetian mirror I won at the Empire Auction in 2010. Actually, it was the man I had been hired to kill who had won it. I had just decided to take it back with me because it was pretty and sparkly, and he obviously would not be needing it.

Death is startled for a moment from the noise and looks up. I take advantage of this and drive my foot on his left knee cap. He staggers backward and off of me. I grab the nearest weapon, ready to fight back even if it is just the practice nunchucks that have been laying there for months. I once thought they looked cool. It turns out they were not worth the trouble, or at least my bruised ribs and hips did not think so.

Death regains his senses and looks directly at me with a murderous glare in his eyes.

"Get out of my house, asshole."

He lunges at me and I try to evade him, but he moves at inhuman speed, his body taking on the form of a black blur before my eyes. Before I know it, my body is slammed against the hardwood floor and a large, warm hand is squeezing my neck. I try to yell, but no sound will come out of my mouth. I start to feel my eyes bulging out of their sockets and my face suddenly gets very hot. I can only see Death's beautifully annoying face, scowling 3 inches away from mine.

"Do you have any idea who you tried to kill?" he hisses in my ear. I am pretty sure I actually did kill you, I want to say, but my windpipe is getting squeezed.

"Do you know how long it took to erase all the cops' memories?" he applies more pressure with his hand on my neck, "Do you know what damage you could have caused?" he roars sounding angrier and angrier.

I begin to hear wheezing, probably coming from me as my lungs begin to burn in pain from the lack of oxygen. I try to struggle against his hold, but am unable to muster up the strength.

"Do you have a death wish or are you just stupid?" he spits.

I can barely focus on his voice, black splotches appear around me and my body becomes weak and limp. My eyes begin to close and my mind is foggy. I should start seeing my life pass in front of me pretty soon now. This is the end. Death by strangulation. I have gotten away with so much in my short life, who knew my cockiness would be the end of me? I do not even have a will. Who will take care of Maleficent? No one else will be able to love her, obviously.

A tear escapes my eye.

I am ready to let darkness consume me now. I have never given much thought to what hell will be like, and that is probably where I am headed to. Will I finally meet like-minded people? Will I make friends? Will I be the worse one there? Were people treated worse there depending on the number of sins they committed? Did they keep a tally of the number of people I have killed?

Why is my life still not passing in front of me? How long will this drag on? What about the light at the end of the tunnel?

I manage to open my eyes slowly and am still looking at Death. He is watching me intently and I finally realize that although his hand is still resting on my neck, there is no more pressure. I gasp, inhaling as much air as I possibly can. As soon as it enters my lungs, I start coughing uncontrollably. I squirm, trying to dislodge myself from under Death's body, but he is still pinning me to the ground.

I see a vein twitch on the side of his face, jaw clenched and face dead serious. Death is still mad and he looks very scary like that.

Why am I still alive?

"Get. Off." I push at his chest with all my strength but he does not budge.

"What are you?" I snap my head up to his, taken back by his blunt question.

"You know very well what I am, now get the fuck off." I push him again but he still does not move, "Are you going to let me go or are you going to kill me? Because if you haven't noticed, I have a mess to clean up," I bark, "and you aren't exactly the lightest person."

He surprises me by covering my mouth with the hand that was previously on my neck.

"Stop. Talking." he snarls.

His fist suddenly collides with the floor with a violent bang and he pushes himself off of me in one switch movement. He grabs his head with both hands and for a minute it looks as if he is going to pull out his hair.

I stand up slowly, the room shifts before my eyes and I have to hold on to the wall to keep from falling.

"Why can't I kill you?" he whispers looking the opposite way.

I start laughing, my cackles resonating loudly around the two of us. It is uncontrollable and I clutch my belly because of the cramps I am starting to feel. I am bent in two, my body shaking with each burst of laughter.

I am hysterical. I almost just got killed and now I am laughing.

Death turns around and stares at me with violent expression, only intensifying my fit. If looks could kill, it would be a genocide.

"You, you can't kill me?" I chortle at the irony. He keeps staring at me, looking like a homicidal maniac who is about to pounce. Death does not think it is as funny as I think it is. I try to stop laughing, but I just cannot. I feel so much relief at not being dead, and I find this situation to be so, so funny. "This is too good. Death can't kill me, therefore I am invincible."

Suddenly, the room becomes very cold and the lights start flickering above me. Death starts walking slowly towards me, his eyes zeroing on me as he does. I stop laughing.

Shit.

I start backing up until my back is up against the wall. With no other place to run, I brace myself, ready for another fight.

Quicker than I can react, he throws himself at me and grabs me by the hair, dragging me towards the kitchen.

"What the fu-"

I hear him turn on the faucet of the kitchen sink. Then, to my horror, I hear him closing the drain with the stopper.

Jesus. Surely, he is not going to...

Then, he forcefully plunges my head down into the frigid water and I scream. He keeps me there for a long minute before pulling my head out and I gasp, trying to spit out the water I have been swallowing and inhaling.

"I don't think you get it. You don't want to mess with me, Emmalyn."

He plunges it again and my whole body is shaking in anger and fear.

I suddenly remember that I have a kitchen lighter in the drawer to my left. Death is too busy holding my head and controlling my body to notice that I have opened and that my hand is about to locate a very interesting weapon.

I try to hold my breath and not panic as I am searching. When my hand finally settles on the smooth handle of the gun shaped lighter, I pull it out and slide it behind me where Death's body is currently trapping my own in front of him and feel his cape. I click on the button and hope the flame comes out like it is supposed to.

When I can no longer hold my breath, I begin to trash around, my survival instinct kicking in. Water starts to bubble all around me and my eyes feel like they are about to burst out of my skull. I feel myself loosing my grip on reality and I panic.

I feel the lighter slip out of my hand with all the commotion and silently hope that it did its job.

My prayers are answered when the hand holding my head under water loosens its grip and I am finally able to emerge. I start coughing and spitting out water as my body heaves violently. I fall to my knees, barely minding the feeling of the hard tiles against my bones. I lift my head just in time to see Death struggling to remove his burning cape, cursing under his breath as he does.

I stand up and throw myself at him, my fist colliding with his jaw. He tumbles backwards and almost looses his footing, but quickly recovers. He looks momentarily at me, but the cape is still on fire and he returns his focus towards it. He manages to take it off and starts stepping on it to extinguish the fire, until I interrupt him.

I shove him relentlessly towards the door, wanting him out of my sight.

"I. Don't. EVER want to see you again, you miserable piece of shit." I push him with all my might towards the exit, ignoring the pain in my chest any time I exert some effort., "You think you can just come into MY house and bully me like this?" I punch him again, square on the nose, but it does not break.

Once he is about to be pushed across the threshold, I stop pushing him, having noticed that he is not retaliating. No. Instead, he is wearing a sullen expression. I freeze for a moment, not really understanding what is going on.

"I'm sorry I did that." he states, looking oddly sincere, a mixture of regret and shame masking his face.

"Get out," I scoff, unable to believe the size of the balls on this guy. He has strangled and attempted to drown me all in a matter of a few minutes and now he apologizes.

I shove him outside and shut the door in his face with a loud bang.

I lean my back against the door and let my body slide on it until I am sitting on the ground, hands holding my head in between my knees for a moment.

When I look up, I see Maleficent eating the remains of the pizza at the foot of the wall.