Sitting in the backseat of Michaels car we were on our way back to the house. I couldn't stand to even look at my brother right now. The whole ride was dead silent, and me trying to manage this lump in my throat. I'm shaking and trying to control my breathing. Tears streaming down my face non stop. This hurts.

When we got home I walked passed him, ignoring Leahs greeting and headed straight up to my bedroom. I have a few more days until graduation, I'll visit my family in Nairobi but I'm not staying. There's no way. He'll be lucky if he ever see me again.

As a matter of fact the day I turn eighteen this summer I'm done. I'm tired of this. All I ever wanted was to be happy, so I don't understand my brother doing this to me.

"Rai, you hungry?" Michael said while knocking on my door.

"Please just go away."

"You need to eat, you haven't had anything since earlier at school." He spoke loud from the other side of the door.

No Michael actually I didn't eat at all today.

I've been so pissed about Adrian not answering the phone I couldn't eat. I didn't even think about the possibility that he would actually break up with me.

I ignored him and picked up my phone to call Sienna.

"Hello."

"Hey Rai how are you, you talk to him?" She asked very concerned.

"He broke up with me." I admitted.

She sighed. "What, —I'm sorry Rai." She paused. Are you ok?"

I knew what she meant just by the way she asked, but I meant it when I said I wanted to live.

"Yeah I'm ok, it just hurts."

"I'm here for you, you want me to come over?" She asked.

"No I'm ok, besides you've been over here a lot lately."

"Clear me some space in the closet and I'll practically be your roommate." She replied trying to lighten the mood.

"Trust me you wouldn't want to, with all this bad energy. It'll suck the life right out of you. I'm so ready for graduation."

"You want to go find a dress tomorrow?"

"Well I have one, I just have to pick it up. We can go get it and then do something afterwards."

"Hmmm we never went Indoor Skydiving. Something to get your mind off of this for a little while."

I thought about it. "You know what, let's do it."

"Ok I'll call in the morning to see what they have available."

"Ok, and thank you."

"You know I got you. I will never let my best friend drown. —Even though I'm just now learning to swim." We both laughed, it got quiet and all of a sudden this wave of sadness came over me.

"I miss him Sie." I painfully whispered.

"I know you do and it's going to hurt like hell. I really hate that you're going through this. I wish things could be different, y'all were so good together."

"Yeah, but I can't fight alone. He's not willing to try anymore. When my brother found out about us Adrian would always reassure me that he wasn't going anywhere. I guess that last battle was his last straw after all." I said while looking at my ring he gave me and thinking about all the promises he made to me.

"Don't doubt what y'all had. It was amazing. I've never seen you smile that much and show so much affection. —I feel like this relationship has helped you to open up." She added.

My breathing picked up and tears fell.

"I love you Rai Rai."

"I— love you— too." I stammered, through sobs.

"I'm going to call in the morning and check on you ok? Tomorrow is our day, we will get through this together." She said understanding I needed a moment.

"Ok."

"Ok." Then she hung up. I sat on my bed and cried for a minute, because I knew holding it in would only make me sick. I ended up taking a shower and going straight to bed.

****

Walking out of the building with my diploma in hand, well they'll mail the real thing. It felt great, I did my speech and that went well.

Everyone except Adrian of course was there. I haven't been speaking to Michael. Leah's been getting pulled and tugged between us.

Everybody's talking about going out to dinner to celebrate, I'm not really feeling the idea.

"I think I'm going to turn it in early. I don't really feel that great." I announced.

"Alright Leah get KJ and lets go." Michael said walking passed me not even looking my way.

"Look Rai I know you don't want to go anywhere but do you want to do something at the house maybe?" Leah asked.

"No that's ok, I'm actually tired. Today was exhausting and stressful."

"Ok, well I got you a cake at the house."

"Thank you Leah." I said bringing her in for a hug, then they left.

"Say girl, let me borrow yo' cap n gown?" Sienna shouted in her pretend manly voice walking up behind me, being her goofy self.

"Ha you're not funny." I smiled at her.

She laughed. "No but I'm serious, I don't graduate until June. Come on off that."

"You're so silly." I giggled.

"Nah but seeing you walk across the stage, is getting me hyped. I can't wait."

"June will be here before you know it. I'll be back here for your big day."

Sienna and I talked for a bit longer and she understood I didn't want to do much for graduation. She did get me a gift which was zip lining for two. She said it was my turn to celebrate.

We said our goodbyes as well as Chance, Rita, Troy and Amina. I was happy to see all of them seated out front in the reserved seating area.

I was alone for my drive home, which I loved. I took a little detour at the dog park my brother stopped at once.

I took my phone out then started going through old messages and pictures. I missed my relationship. I miss the conversations, and the little flutters I would get. I miss him so much.

I've been secretly hoping he would show up, then I'd run into his arms and everything would be ok. I'm not angry with Adrian I just miss him. My nights are the hardest because I'm still having dreams about him. I wake up to be disappointed.

This is a nice park, peaceful. They really have a whole setup for dogs. They have an obstacle course, tug ropes and a fetching area. Dog trainers and sitters out here struggling to keep the leashes untangled. This is really a sight to see. I wish I brought my purple notebook, I'm feeling inspired to write.

I stayed out there for about two hours then I went home. I stopped and grabbed something to eat on the way.

Pulling up to the driveway I saw Leah's Denali and Michaels Audi and G Wagon. I parked my Tesla beside them, grabbed my food then headed inside.

I heard some laughter. The noise was coming from the kitchen. I headed that way to wash my hands so I could eat my food. When I got there I saw Leah, Michael and KJ sitting eating together. I stood watching them, they hadn't notice me yet.

I am happy for them but I'm honestly a little bitter about it. How does he get to be happy and have his family. It's good he has this though. After all we've been through. Even with Leah, the same with her. She's been through so much, so this is good to see. I wish Michael could see how Adrian makes me feel.

"Hey Raina I didn't even hear you come in." Leah greeted spotting me.

"I just got in actually." I replied, walking over holding my fist out for KJ to pound and he did .

"Where were you?" Micheal looked up asking.

"Not with Adrian." I went over to the sink to wash my hands and to put my food on a plate.

He sighed.

I grabbed my plate and my bottle of water and went to sit at the breakfast nook. They were seated at the island.

I silently ate my food. Leah came over and joined me. Michael and KJ left to go upstairs.

She glanced at me. "Rai, it's your graduation day."

"Yeah."

"You can finally say bye bye to high school. Now you have college coming. You get to live on campus and just have fun and experience new things."

"Yeah."

She sighed. "Break ups are not easy trust me I know. It will get better with time."

"Yeah." I repeated again getting up to wash my plate and discard everything else."

She got up walking behind me. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything."

"Ok." She nodded.

"You need anything, if not I'm going to my room?" I added, turning around to face her sounding irritated.

"No, you can go ahead." She said while taking a step back kind of hurt.

"I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I just miss him. I didn't mean to take it out on you." I said while getting emotional.

"I understand, and it's ok." She gave me a little smile.

I stared at her. "Didn't you say you got me a cake?"

"Yes it's in the fridge." She smiled big as she went to take it out.

The cake was beautiful, my favorite red velvet with cream cheese icing. The cake was decorated in red, black and white with tassels and cap n gowns. It read Graduate Raina Lorrin Jackson with congratulations written on the bottom.

"Thank you Leah, it's beautiful."

"No problem." She gave a warm smile.

We sat and ate some of the cake, it was so moist and fluffy. Perhaps some of the best I've eaten aside from mama Laurie's.

We sat and chatted, something we haven't done in a while. I don't want to lose the closeness I have with her, so times like these were necessary.

We cleaned the kitchen and vacuumed the living area. We then hugged and parted ways for bed.

😑

😂

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