As we drove along I sat in the back of the car for once, only having a small section allocated for me in amongst all of the stuff the three of us brought; mainly what Jess brought. I contacted Zoe earlier as she had arrived in London and was with Joe whilst we spoke, making the final arrangements for the party tomorrow night.

The party which was a key element to my plan, the party in question being in my honour to announce to everyone in a clear way that there is another Sugg, well technically Mitchell-Sugg. Not that they need to know the technicalities, they'll just care about the secret Sugg. Zoe said she had managed to invite a lot of her friends, some I knew a little about whereas others would be complete strangers. This element terrified me as they would be wanting to meet me, which is why I brought my two best friends along to keep me calm.

Glancing ahead I saw a sign showing how close we now were to London. We had to book ourselves a hotel since Joe couldn't have accommodated us, especially with Caspar there. But I was looking forward to spending a week in a hotel, my room is a few doors down from Jess and Jim and we can watch films or talk until it's late or get room service, just the little things I don't usually get treated to.

Jim remained solely focused on the road with Jess making light conversation about the outfit she had planned for tomorrow night whilst Jim made comments on how beautiful she would look, but having to remember that he can't be focusing on her tomorrow unfortunately. Tomorrow Jim was due to pose as my boyfriend, we had rehearsed it and got our act perfected. I felt awful for Jess who would have to witness this but nothing would happen, at the most a kiss on the cheek, I could not kiss my best friend, let alone my other best friends boyfriend. Jim is well Jim and that is all I can view him as, but tomorrow I will just have to seem loved up, all I have to do is pretend he is who I wish he really was. Before the person in question manipulated me, making my perception of him fade entirely.

Music played softly into my ears as I felt my eyes becoming heavy, eventually causing me to drift off peacefully to the sound of the passing cars, trying to enjoy some of the last moments of normality in its element.

"Ali! Ali!" I was awoken with a jolt, pulling my earphones out and looking around. Still in the cluttered car, with both my friends looking at me with wide eyes.

Whilst I rubbed my eyes they proceeded to stare at me making me feel a little bit uncomfortable. They didn't have the excited wide eye look, or the mischievous one either instead this was a look of terror. "What happened? Are we okay?" Concern replaced my usual happy tone, my throat felt raw for some strange reason. I reached out to hold Jess' hand but she pulled away, looking slightly afraid.

Jess turned to face Jim and gave him a look, causing him to clear his throat before explaining what ever could've been wrong. "Ali we think you had another nightmare, and it wasn't the sort a child would have. You started off by mumbling things, then you started to yell at various people whimpering you wanted to be alone. We had to pull over as you started to scream, cry with all your might. Both of us yelled for you to wake up but you weren't responsive, you kept turning and Jess noticed how you dug into your leg, leaving that mark on your thigh. Ali, I thought you were in control?" Jim finished and I felt lost.

Glancing to my thigh there were five deep scratches on my leg, close to being deep enough to cause bleeding but more of a temporary sting. My face felt wet yet I couldn't remember a single thing, instead I brought my legs to my chest and curled up into a ball. "What, what was I yelling?" I asked quietly, wanting to tap into my subconscious and trigger something to make me remember.

"You kept yelling for him, for Caspar." Jess mumbled, slowly turning to face me again. My mind went hazy as I could see a picture in my mind, shutting my eyes tightly I whispered his name, hoping something could come of this.

We stood in a large room, it was old fashioned with a classic fireplace where he stood, holding onto a drink and avoiding eye contact. He wore a casual suit, I looked down to see I was in a dress, the same dress I was planning on wearing tomorrow, except it was ripped, pieces of fabric fell down and hung lower than the hemline. "Ali, you can't keep doing this!" He walked towards me, placing his drink on the glossy table before gripping onto my shoulders keeping me close. "Alfie isn't playing around anymore, you can't play him, it won't work!" He let go of my shoulders and pulled me into a hug, except I remained emotionless, my arms wouldn't respond to hug him back so I stood there, unable to react.

"But I can do this, I know what I'm risking." I merely whispered and he released me in an instant, sighing loudly and walking back to his drink and striding to the fireplace.

"But you don't! You aren't just putting yourself in danger anymore! It's everyone!" He threw his drink into the fire, causing it to roar above the shattered glass, I took a few steps back, collapsing into a chair. "If this is what you want, then fine." He finished before leaving the room, I sat still examining my dress how these tears were raggedy and harsh.

Trying not to focus too much on them I went towards the grand door, except it wouldn't unlock. I knocked a few times but it was no use, I started to kick it with my heels, slam if I had to and screamed for him hoping I would get a response.

The next visible sound I could hear was some commotion, followed by loud screams of terror. I heard people calling for others and under the doorway I could see smoke, panic began to consume me as I kept yelling and crying, desperate to escape and not be trapped in a but in burning building.

"Ali! Ali where are you?!" Zoe yelled inbetween coughs and I yelled back, but it was as if my voice couldn't work, no one could hear me.

"Oh Ali, if you just kept quiet none of this would've happened." A voice sounded over the others except it was almost a whisper, sending a shiver down my spine and I retreated from the doorway, smoke now filling the room. I searched for any other form of exit, continuing to call for him but I began to feel weak.

"Come on Ali, you've got to wake up." I told myself and clawed my leg, hoping it would be enough pain to wake myself up but it was no use. My last words were his name, calling for him with all my might as I lay on the ground, short for breath.

A figure opened the door and made their way towards my limp body, they moved slowly to cause a further sense of fear and I wanted to back away but I was too weak. They stood above me then slowly bent down, whispering horrid words towards me but my eye sight began to blur before I could make out who it really was.

"Ali! You alright?" Jess asked grabbing my arm, bringing me back to my surroundings once again.

An automatic nod occurred but it was a lie, I always nodded just to brush people off. But moments later I shook my head repeatedly, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "It was horrible, I was left to die in a burning building, I could hear people screaming for help, my family calling for me but I was trapped. As I was about to pass out something came in and whispered things to me, how this was all my fault and I deserved to go this way. Before I could see who it was I woke up." I took a deep shaky breath, fighting back tears and wanting to remove that image from my mind.

I waited for them to respond but they both sat in silence, Jess was the first to speak up. "Don't you think this is a sign that you may still need help? I know they gave you the all clear but this shouldn't happen should it?" I didn't respond, I didn't want help I wanted to get even.

My lack of response resulted in Jim to continue to drive whilst I kept my legs close to my chest and buried my head, wanting to hide forever more. When I finally lifted my head I saw we had stopped at some traffic lights, I dried my face and decided to zone back into the real world, woman up and be honest. "I'm sorry." I spoke loudly to make my point clear in the silent car.

They both turned for a second but then turned back around as traffic was moving, Jess turned back and smiled holding her hand out to me. "We've got your back, always and forever." She squeezed my hand and I squeezed back, giving her the reassurance that I was responding.

"Okay, well here we are." Jim pulled into a car park and the two of them got out, unloading the car and heading to the main entrance.

As I walked through I reflected on the last time I was at a hotel, having unknowingly met my biological brother that day, this time I'm hoping for no more severe life changing occurrences. Jim checked us into our rooms and we were heading up the lift, Jim made the joke about him cutting my hood off of my hoodie from the lift last time we were at one, I joked along just wanting some rest more than anything. But I can't rest, I've got to speak to my siblings first and foremost.

Once we split up and went to our different rooms I threw my stuff to one side but carefully placed the dresses down in their black dress bags. Then got my phone and called Zoe, hoping she would be around to have a last minute conversation before tomorrow's party.

"Alison! How are you?" Zoe answered as cheery as she tends to be on the phone. I glanced down to my leg where the five red marks remained, but covered them and plastered on a smile to persuade myself that I can come across as joyful instead of drained.

"Things are good, I just wanted to confirm the details for tomorrow that's all." I let out a heartfelt chuckle and heard Zoe run about picking some stuff up.

"Okay, let me just find it we are at a hotel right now, we decided to stay for a few day so we can hang out, just the three of us." I swallowed a lump in my throat, sibling bonding time after what's about to happen.

Brushing back my hair from my face I nodded and agreed to the said plan, Zoe then went on to explain the last few details for tomorrow and then we chatted generally and hung up. Letting out a sigh I collapsed onto the bed, opening my bag and getting everything out so tomorrow could run smoothly, well here's hoping it does anyway.

Taking my time I got myself ready for a soothing night of sleep, I got comfortable on top of the duvet as I normally do at hotels and felt myself drifting off to sleep.

When my eyes opened quickly I sat upright and walked towards the window, peeping outside to take a look at the weather. The sun had started to rise so I picked up my phone, 5:39am. I groaned internally realising it had happened again. For a while on and off I had a tendency to fall asleep then wake up and watch the sun rise until I drift back off to sleep, which tends to result in me over sleeping. So I got comfortable by the window on the small sofa picking up a note pad and drawing aimlessly.

A knock abruptly awoken me and I saw I was on the sofa, guessing I fell asleep. The knocking continued so I walked quickly to the door and opened it, rubbing my eyes seeing Jess stood there, clearly unimpressed. "What?" I ask in a groggy tone, still half asleep.

She moved past me and started to get things together, frustrated and sighing as she went. "It's 1pm!" She huffed to me, causing me to swear loudly and repeatedly as I ran to the shower.

Whilst I showered she continued to talk about how late we were running and how I should have my hair and do my makeup as she prepared my outfit. As soon as I was dried and in a dressing gown she passed me a piece of cold toast to eat as she dried my hair.

Jess herself was dressed in casual attire, her hair and makeup was already done and really made her look pretty, well prettier than usual. Her hair which was usually long and hung down in all its brunette mess had been straightened and parts had been plaited together with a few feathers added here and there. For her makeup I could see she made her blue eyes really stand out using a mixture of silvers and blacks with a nude lip. She raised an eyebrow at me as she caught me staring. "What did Jim think when he saw you? Rather than being in pjs?" She rolled her eyes as she turned the hair dryer off, brushing my hair.

"He didn't seem to notice too much, initially he didn't even realise but after a while he inspected me and gave me the seal of approval." She smiled to herself, "He hasn't seen my dress yet but we are planning on a date tomorrow afternoon." I smiled brightly to her as I knew she wanted to get out and enjoy his company. They've both devoted so much time to me they need a break.

Once Jess had brushed my hair she curled the ends and laid the makeup out for me to start doing myself. It included a golden eye look with black eyeliner and a dark pink lip, to go with my dress. As soon as I put the last coat of mascara on Jess rushed me to put the dress on, she then left so she could finish getting ready herself.

Picking up my phone I saw I had a text from Joe, 'hey sis, can't wait to see you tonight. Just keep calm and you'll be fine, everyone is looking forward to seeing you :)'

Smiling at the text I put my phone on charge so I could put my heeled boots on and spray myself with perfume. As I stood up and made my way to the mirror I was happy, I looked good.

The dress that I had ordered was as I imagined. It was a nude pink with flowers on the hem of the dress and covered in lace, the sleeves were all lace and had a love heart neck line and went down to my mid thigh, covering the marks left from yesterday. The boots were more of a nude brown with a small heel, allowing me to be comfortable. My outfit was me, now I just had to get the desired reaction I needed. Texting Jess to see if she was ready as it was nearing 5pm I grabbed my bag and coat and left my room.

As I got to Jess' room she half opened the door, looking me up and now and nodding. "Oh he will find it hard not to resist you in that for sure. Let me just get Jim to react." This is what we planned, to have Jim act as our only source of male influence and our only chance at understanding what Caspar might think of me.

As Jess opened the door I stood smiling, Jim came into view and his jaw dropped. "Ali, you just well you just," He struggled to find his words. "From the girl who I've seen fall in literal faeces and walk around with all sorts of animal food on her this is by far a big improvement." He came over and hugged me, I have Jess a thumbs up and saw her in her dress. A white floral look with matching heels, no wonder Jim couldn't take his eyes off of her.

"This is a real improvement over my hospital gown that's for sure." I joked as we made our way downstairs to get a taxi to the venue.

As we arrived I looked up and was shocked to say the least, it was a grand building and we were on the top floor, ideally overlooking the whole city at night time. We got into the lift and I told Zoe we were on our way, nerves starting to eat away at me.

They both sensed my nerves as I went silent and barely inputted in conversation. "You got this, you've got Jim by your side I'll be right behind you. No one can cause you harm, that's your job for tonight." Jess winked as the doors opened.

The three of us walked out together and made our way down the corridor to the main entrance. "No turning back now I guess." I said looking to the two of them either side of me, both shaking their heads. I grabbed onto the door handle, controlling my nerves. "Here goes nothing."