Realising I had a few hours to myself I walked through Oxford Street aimlessly without any set thought. My vision struggled to get the image of a disheartened Dan out of my mind, but a more sinister image is taking over. I couldn't help but look around for him, constantly wondering if he knew I was here if he had eyes watching me, but I can't think like that anymore- that's how I'll start spiralling.

The last time I saw him he was with Zoe, he held her waist and just looked at me like I was nothing, a look that was easily hidden in the dark of a party. He was the reason I fell into a bad place, how I could barely walk out of that possible and wait in the corridor where the carpet was decorated with splashes of colourful liquids. I spoke to so many that night, everyone blurred together. Dan, Phil, the twins, Louise, Gabbie, all of them so unsure of who I was, but now I know- even if he thinks I'm unstable, I've never been in a better position to talk to him. If only my hands would stop shaking this violently.

I sit, fiddling with the small mug that cups in my grip. It has been carefully decorated with lavender swirls, so intricately making it more sensitive in my hands, the fear of dropping it spreading like the warmth it emits into my skin. My eyes dart as everyone passes by, waiting for him, wanting the next person to be him so I can face the last of my demons. I can't hide anymore. Everyone's footsteps sound too prominent in my ears, the high heels that click along the pavement, the wheels of suitcases that roll along whilst I remain still, sitting quietly in this moment trying to ignore the beating of my heart and the fast-paced breath.

Behind me, I hear someone slow down, pause even. I lift the mug to my lips, lightly blowing as the steam clings to my skin having no other exit. In front of me as I place the mug down he sits, his body directed to leave already in case this goes pear-shaped whilst I face him entirely, neither of us speaking up first. Rubbing my lips together I let out a quiet shaky sigh as the tension rises between us faster than the steam that circulates the surface of my mug.

"Well," Fighting back the nerves that crawl up my spine I rest my arms on the table, moving, forcing myself closer to him. He begins to turn his body to face mine, copying my action with a raised brow, a cockiness lining his iris'. "it's about time we have a chat. I mean, it's been what?"

A waitress comes up to us and he orders a coffee, dismissing her. "Too long." He simply states, that brashness still looming in his tone. "Why the sudden change of heart, Al?" The nickname that once made me laugh now makes me shiver, but today I fight it. I need to try and put this all aside, try and make this work for the both of us.

As I go to speak his coffee is placed in front of him, the waitress lingers momentarily as if she were waiting for something. "You're Alfie, right?" She pipes up, a smile growing on her face as I mentally sigh. He nods and stands up, giving her a hug as I watch her, trying to hide the joy in her gaze. Alfie begins to write something down on a napkin and as he does, she turns to look at me blankly. "And you are Ali, aren't you?" She mutters my name with some bitterness as if she knew the ins and outs of it all, of my families personal life.

I simply nod and smile to her, "Thanks for the drinks." With that, she turns away from me, back to facing Alfie much to his satisfaction. Once she has left us alone his smile fades back into a blank expression, he faces me again as if he were looking at dirt. Then again, I guess that is all I am to him, regardless of our status before he ruined everything.

"What're we going to talk about then?" He sips at his coffee, giving me less than a second to think. "Oh I know," A laugh escapes his lips as he rubs his hands together, locking his eyes with mine. "how about we discuss how you singlehandedly ruined the best thing I had in my life. Or about the fact that I have been squatting around at friends'. Well, the friends that will still talk to me after finding out that Zoe is heartbroken. Why not start there, shall we?" The anger only rose higher in his voice and tinted his cheeks a crimson.

Keeping a straight face I start to wear a small smirk as the silence looms. "Or," I speak up, "we could talk about how you tried to ruin my life. That you turned someone I really care about against me and began to make me iller, so ill that I had multiple breakdowns and was hospitalised. That sounds like fun, right?" Leaning back in my chair I cross one leg over the other, crossing my arms as I raise an eyebrow. It's a fair game either side, and we both know it.

"Look, I know I probably shouldn't have gone that far." I scoff in response, unsure how else to respond to such an ignorant statement. He leant forward, lifting his hand up hoping I'd let him finish as his focus softens. I simply nod, intrigued to see where this will go. "I felt, worried." I can see his brows contorting together, confusion replacing the frustration in his voice. "Zoe means everything to me, and I didn't want to risk losing her so I thought if I if I shut you up then it'll be like nothing happened." He sighs, resting his head in his hands.

I shuffle closer to the table, resting my chin on my knuckles. "Aw Alfie." I mimic a baby voice, oh how the roles have reversed. "So, if you care about my sister that much, then why did you cheat on her in the first place? Why cause yourself all of this hassle, this ongoing investigation into me and made Caspar join in?" His head begins to reappear rather than just me talking to a mess of brown hair.

"It wasn't good." He picks up the mug, taking a large sip as an excuse to think of a reason why he did something so bad to someone so wholesome as Zoe. "We were fighting, I was going away constantly for work, she wants to move somewhere else, the press was up against our asses all the time. It's not easy." A loud sigh escapes his lips as his shoulders deflate, the pressure that was built now floats off and is trampled on by those passing us by. "It was unexpected in the beginning, we were just having a chat in a bar. We had too many drinks and neither of regretted it in the morning. Looking back, it was all so dumb, so stupid of us to even think about. I mean, if Zoe and Marcus were together I would lose my mind."

"Seems like you already did," I mumble into my cup as I sip at it, a harsh glance crosses his eyes as he focuses back on me. Swallowing the now lukewarm tea I place my mug back down, waiting for him to proceed. "Yet you still did it? Only when you knew we saw you that was the moment you realised you were in over your own head? Both of you?"

He licks his lips as he keeps his fingers preoccupied circling the rim of the mug. "Niomi didn't see you as much of a threat. She thought it'd be easy to have you silenced." I lean back again, taking it all in. "We agreed we would need Caspar though."

"Why Caspar?" I ask, my voice fueled with curiosity and aggression.

"You seriously don't know why?" Alfie shakes his head at me, a small smile forming on his face. "We chose him not only because he was with you that night, but because he cares about you too much, more than anyone else really does. We wanted to turn the person who loves you the most against you in order to get rid of you." He picks his cup back up, holding it close to his face and mumbling before sipping. "Seemed to work, didn't it?"

I sit in silence, taking in what he said knowing it's nothing new. I've been told for too long about Caspar, about how he feels or doesn't. I know how I'm supposed to feel, but I question whether it's true or not, whether that is what I want. Whatever happened that night between us could've been, it could've been the make or break and now I'll never know. The entire evening is a blur of white, it brings back pain to my leg as it sometimes throbs in the middle of the night. Yet when I woke up he was the first thing I thought of, the first person I wanted to see and ensure was alright.

"It's going to take time, Alfie." I begin to move the conversation away from Caspar, from a version of us that could've existed. "Zoe still loves you, even if she doesn't want to admit it. Just please, try and slowly talk to her." Small smile forms on his face as his eyes soften back to what I once knew.

"Do you think she'll take me back?" I can hear the pain his voice, that longing sense for her to be back in his arms. "I miss her so much, Ali. I made such a mistake in letting her go." He shakes his head, running his hands through his hair as a distraction, a means of calming down.

I try to put on a supportive smile, try and get into the right mindset. Closing my eyes I bring back all of the memories I have of the two of them, the happy times. "If you prove yourself to her, that you won't be a massive dick and ruin everything, then maybe she might. I'm not Zoe though, Alfie. It will take a lot of time and effort, and no more secrets." My tone remains stern and dominant with him, I can't cower now, he needs to know how it is.

"What do I even say to her? I mean, how do I begin this apology?" His concerns rise to the surface, yet I sit still and watch. It feels weird, being on the other side of it all, watching rather than living it. I can see the veins in his forehead more prominently, the fidgeting he is doing as he plays with the now empty coffee mug.

"You'll know," I say, a small smile forming on my face as I repeat the wise words I was once told. Closing my eyes I can picture his, the brightness in them and the care he held in his gaze. As I say his words I think back to when he told them to me, "You'll always know."

We continue talk for a while, we go over a few more things and clear it up. We both knew we were going to talk about this at some point if we wanted to move on with our lives if we wanted to remain somewhat sane. Leaving him felt different, beforehand I had been dreading the moment of seeing him in person, my heart was beating so hard I could see the rhythm in my top as the fabric bounced against my chest. Yet now as I watch him walk away I feel a smile form, that everything is falling back into place, at long last.