"I'm not going!" I demand, Peeta still has the envelope in his hand when he chases me up the stairs. I storm into the bathroom and lock the door behind me, because I know he's following me and I know he'll try and persuade me to go. Peeta knocks on the wooden door, manipulating the lock, pulling at the handle and failing to force his entry. "Why not? Why don't you want to go?" He asks. "I can think of a lot of reasons, but I want to know yours." I put my lips to the door so he can hear me.

"Because what do you think we'll be talking about at the reunion, Peeta? Small talk? How's Buttercup? No. It'll all be about progress. Therapeutic progress. How we're coping after the war. Have our wounds healed? Are we happy? I don't want to talk about it. I do enough of it with Dr Aurelius and so do you."

"Katniss, I completely understand and I can make you feel better if you just...let me in."

"No." I snap. I hear him let out an agitated grunt.

"Maybe you should take some time to think about it? Perhaps you'll change your mind then." I sit in silence for a long time. "Katniss...?"

"Okay, thought about it. I'm not going."

"Katniss..." Peeta says. "Let me in. Katniss, let me in." I sigh, sliding open the lock. Peeta immediately wraps me in his arms when the door creaks open.

"I'm still not going." I say. He kisses me. "Still not going." Peeta kisses my neck. "Peeta! There's nothing you can do to make me go!" He runs his hand around my neck and places his other on the small of my back. As much as it pains me, I pull away. I'm just that stubborn.

Why would I want to go? A reunion at the justice building, with everyone. Cressida, Plutarch, Johanna, Beetee, Annie, Gale... All we'll be talking about is the aftermath of the war - the progress in the districts, potential therapy sessions open to attend, Peeta's current mental state, Finnick's death, Annie's son. Of course I've been reunited with most of them already, but they wouldn't dare mention the war at my wedding.

It would remind me too much of a meeting in command in district thirteen. It would remind me too much of the war. Too much of Prim, Finnick, Castor, Boggs.

Stop thinking, stop thinking.

Peeta chases after me when I run out of the house, he always does. It's not fair really. Stubborn, stupid, idiot I scold myself, but I keep running. Up the hill, under the wired fence into the woods, even the two miles to the lake. Peeta chases me full speed all the way. "Katniss!" He yells from behind me. "Why do we argue like this?"

"Because we care too much - you care too much!" I yell back at him. He's still running after me. It's silent behind me for a while, until I feel him grab my waist and gather me into a bear hug from behind. I squirm in his arms, kicking and trying to wriggle my way out. "Katniss...don't..." I feel like an idiot, my mind knows I'm being unfair, I know I'm being infuriating. It's like my body isn't mine as it kicks and screams, all I'm thinking about is Prim and it's going straight to my physical defence. How can I go to the reunion tomorrow and be reminded of all the sadness that was once my reality?

I run short of breath and gather my senses, then I'm crying, not hysterically, but gently, numbly. I turn against Peeta's body and bury my head in his the space between his neck and his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Peeta...I'm sorry."

"It's alright." He shushes me and caresses my hair. Peeta carries me home - all the way. God, why does he have to be so damn frustrating? He's too perfect, too good. I can't keep up. I'll never deserve him, never. It makes me so happy and so angry all at once.

***

At home, Peeta makes me hot milk and spices and cuddles with me on the sofa. After a moment of silence and soaking in each others presence, he talks. "You know you have to go tomorrow. Whether you want to or not?" Peeta buries his head in my hair as if trying to lessen the fall. After the show I put on today I don't argue, I simply nod. Because we both know he's right. "Remember, everyone probably feels the same. I'll be asked about my hijacking, what therapy I've been attending. Annie will be asked about life without Finnick. Pollux will be asked about life without Castor. Haymitch about his drinking. And they will want to know how you're getting on, but it's only because they care." He takes my hand in his and gently kisses my fingertips. "We can talk about Effie's new clothing range, Cressida and Plutarch's television show, Annie's son, Johanna being let out of drug rehab - I hear she's doing well." He always knows what to say. He's right and something about his words makes me completely and utterly believe him - he even makes me almost look forward to it. He can make anyone believe anything.

Sometimes I feel giddily happy around him. Just relishing in his presence. When we lay in bed he does that thing again, where he brings my fingertips to his lips, he does it a lot. I remember him doing it in the cave in the first arena, to this day I still wonder where he got it from. Surely not from his father and his witch of a mother. I shiver when his lips dance over my knuckles. "I like it when you do that." I tell him and he smiles. "Where did you learn it from?"

"I didn't learn it. I just do it, I don't know why." He says. Peeta runs his fingers between mine. "You'll be okay tomorrow. I promise." I nod. "I love you." Butterflies are released in my stomach, not the sickly kind, the exhilarating kind. I love you - not a phrase we throw around like see you around or nice to see you. The phrase means something and I don't want to end up taking it for granted. "I love you too." I kiss him. Peeta's hand finds my hair, then my neck. His kisses explore my neck, my collarbone, my earlobes. My bare skin is revealed to him, his to mine. That night I loose myself in him like it's the first time he's uttered the three words, like it's the first time he's kissed me, touched me this way, felt my bare skin against his heat.

I'm happy. I'm happy because I know now that I'll be giddy in the morning. I'll have Peeta by my side tomorrow when the demons come crawling out of the dark shadows to say hello.