Plutarch Heavensbee directly asked my head doctor if they could film me training in the training center. Dr. Salvo declined, I think she still doesn't trust me, she doesn't think I can handle shooting a gun or even carrying it. I still refuse to be a mental patient, even though that's totally what I am. Once again I have to beg, I don't know at all what is going on in the war, who's winning, or if the end is near, but somehow I want to fight with everyone else. I want to help them take over the Capitol. It's what I want, but there's no way my doctors would even let me out of my room. When the Plutarch asked me, I told them that I'd be fine with it, but it's obvious that Dr. Salvo doesn't think I'm fully ready for it. He told her that Coin encourages it herself, then added, "He looks pretty normal to me."

I think Coin interfered with the matter somehow, because after a few days I'm being lead into the military training center in District 13. I never mentioned my recent hunger for revenge to any of my doctors. Maybe if I do well in training they'll realize I'm not as unstable as they think.

At first it's a bit humiliating because I have to start out in beginners classes, and even with them I'm extremely weak. The manacles are off, but I still have two guards trailing behind me wherever I go. I see Katniss and Johanna a couple times, but they hardly notice me. They are in the upper classes, getting ready to take the final examination that you are supposed to take before being assigned into a troop. Plutarch asked me if they could get footage of me and Katniss, together, looking happy. I immediately declined, we can hardly be in each other's presence and I'm done pretending.

I trained for about a week until President Coin visited me in my room one day. She barged right in with my head doctor and Plutarch Heavensbee trailing behind her.

"What seems to be the problem Madam President?"

Coin doesn't show her any signs of acknowledgment, but she answers the question,

"Squad 451 has a shortage of soldiers and they were promised a speedy replacement."

Dr. Salvo looks mortified, she shoves herself between me and Coin.

"If you're asking if Peeta will-"

"I'm not asking. Squad 451 is the propo troop. The propos need some heating up. And no other person in District 13 can do that except him. Send him off in the hovercraft as soon as possible." Then she walks out of the room.

The tone in Coins voice as well as her choice of words reminds me a lot of something President Snow told me once when he ordered me to defend the Capitol in the dreaded interviews.

"So you're asking me to be what sir, your voice of reason?"

"You understood everything except one small detail... I'm not asking."

Dr. Salvo looks angry, she sighs heavily then walks over to where I'm sitting.

"I'm sorry Peeta, I can't do anything about it." She says, looking at me straight in the eyes with defeat. "Just remember that not everything you see or remember is real. Try to restrain yourself if you start to get angry."

I think that Dr. Salvo underestimates me. Sure, a lot of bad stuff has happened to me, but I've spent weeks recovering. I agree that I've had very little training, I haven't even taken the final examination. Maybe it's my need for revenge that is making me so eager to go. I want to help them out, but I know for sure that I'm not ready at all. Maybe if Coin hadn't ordered them to send me off, I never would've gone. I want to set things right, and if I die, so what? There's nothing left worth living for.

"Don't worry doctor," Plutarch says. "This group is the Star Squad, they mostly do propos for us, I'm sure Peeta will be just fine."

Within the next hour, I was suited up, armed, and shipped off to the camp with the numbers 451 stamped on the back of my hand. I've never felt so free, I have no cuffs, no doctors, and no guards.

I didn't really think about what Coin said about Squad 451 being the "propo troop" so I hadn't expected to see Katniss Everdeen or Finnick Odair waiting for me at the camp, two of the most known victors in the Capitol. I should've known.

Why would Coin send me to this troop? This is the group of people I would most likely have a bad reaction to. She said the propos needed "heating up." Is that really the reason why she sent me here?

Squad 451 was not happy to see me, the leader, Boggs, was angry, he immediately relieved me of my weapon then went off to make a call. So much shock and confusion takes over the entire group when they see me arrive, I almost snort at the sight. Once Boggs leaves to make a call, they look somewhat relived, like they're happy he'll get me out of here. Bitterness is all I feel.

"It won't matter," I tell them. "The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up."

-

My freedom doesn't last very long. The second Boggs returned, even more angry than before, he assigned a two person, round-the-clock guard on me. I want to prove to them that I'm not dangerous, but they all saw or heard about me strangling Katniss. Maybe I'm still mumbling my thoughts aloud so they can all hear me, and they're disturbed by it. I can tell that Katniss has a developing anger that she's trying not to show, but it's obvious to me. I don't fully understand, Coin is the one who sent me here, why would she be mad at me? Maybe it's just my presence that's rattling her, and she wants to stay focused. Everything that's happened between us since I came to District 13 hasn't been particularly pleasant. I myself will try to ignore her, but it's hard when she casts these irate glares at me nonstop. When she comes back to camp after speaking with Boggs, she asks Jackson when her watch is.

"I didn't put you in the rotation." She says.

"Why not?"

"I'm not sure you could really shoot Peeta, if it came to it." Jackson replies.

"I wouldn't be shooting Peeta. He's gone. Johanna's right. It'd be just like shooting another one of the Capitol's mutts." Katniss says without looking at me once.

That comment hits me like a hard slap in the face. So that's what everyone thinks of me as. A mutt, a vicious creature created from the Capitol, whose only goal in life is to kill. I stare down at my cuffs, hurt.

"Well, that sort of comment isn't recommending you either," says Jackson.

"Put her in the rotation," Boggs says. So it's set.

By dinner I can see that everyone has noticed the unpleasant tension between me and Katniss, and they don't seem to appreciate it. Everyone gathers up into a little circle to eat, but I distance myself from them, I know that they don't want me here and probably don't care enough to try. All they care about is to keep their precious Mockingjay safe from me. I nip at a sandwich and stare at the ground, trying to sort through my thoughts, also trying not to think about Katniss's mutt comment.

Surprisingly, Finnick walks up to me with a friendly smirk that doesn't look too fake.

"Hello Peeta." He says.

"Hey." I say back.

"How are you doing?"

I look up at his questioning face, his eyes look generally concerned. I'm surprised that he cares, considering some of the things I said to him in our last confrontation. I force down a little guilt.

"Alright, I guess. Even though the entire squad hates me and doesn't want me here."

Finnick sighs,

"It's not that they hate you, they're just, a bit concerned."

My fists clench at the possible sign of pity or lies, I stare down at my feet.

"They don't want to deal with me."

Finnick can't argue with that, instead he holds out something in his hand, a short length of rope.

"Here, if you ever get worked up, just mess around with this."

Then, for the rest of dinner, he taught me the stress-relieving knot-tying techniques that he says he always uses. Before he walked away, I noticed something implemented on his uniform that isn't on mine.

"Hey Finnick, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the tiny slot below his neck.

"Oh this? This is a nightlock vial, if things get bad, we don't want to be taken captive or anything, so you take this and it takes you out."

I wonder why they didn't put one in my uniform, were they worried that I would kill myself before arriving? Was Boggs supposed to give me one? Did Coin think I wasn't stable enough for it to be in my possession?

After dinner, as everyone heads off to their tents, Boggs approaches me to inform me that I'm going to be sleeping out in the open where everyone can "keep an eye on me." They set my sleeping bag in the center of the camp, near the heater. This wasn't all bad, because the night has turned extremely chilly, but it looks like I will get little to no privacy here. Some people sleep in the tents, while others sleep outside under the stars.