I ring her doorbell and wait for what seems like ages until her mother finally opens to the door.

"Aiden?" She questions.

"Hi Rebecca, is Em here? I really have to talk to her," I say as nonchalant as possible even though I'm freaking out.

"What? The window wasn't close enough?" Her mother grins knowingly.

Guilt instantly floods through me as I look at the woman who has been so accepting of me; "I fucked up Rebecca, big time. I really need to explain myself to Em," I say, my real emotions shining through. I can't even care that I just swore in front of the girl I likes mother.

"Oh?" Rebecca asks, her tone going from joking to serious quicker than I screwed up things with Em.

"Please?" I beg again. Rebecca still looks extremely confused and surprised but she nods, walking away as Eli comes to the door.

"Aiden!!" He enthuses. Usually, I really liked Eli, he was a cool kid but right now all I wanted was his sister.

"Hey man," I reply as politely as possible even though I kept looking for any sign of Em.

Eli goes on excitedly about his plans with Sophia and I try to keep my attention on him but I struggle, where was she?

Would she listen to me?

Would I ever get the chance to say how sorry I was?

The freezing water attacking my clothed body didn't even faze me, I just needed to see her.

I had to explain it to her, to tell her how sorry I am and that she was the girl I was in love with.

Wait what?

Love?

I was in love with Em?

Was Toby right?

I hate myself even more and get the urge to punch something when I realize that Toby was right all along. I was in love with her, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on, she was so kind, just being in her presence made me feel like I could conquer the world.

I did love Em, and I had loved her for a long time, I was just too fucking stupid to admit it myself.

I look up and my eyes meet with her beautiful blue ones. They looked cold and upset and I hated myself so much for making her feel that way.

She had never looked at me with eyes like this, not even when I said all those things in the classroom to make her stay away from me.

"Collins?" I say in a desperate voice I barely even recognize myself.

"Aiden," she replies coldly and I can't help but stare at her. The cold look in her eyes had now spread throughout her body and even her body reacted to me coldly.

I hate myself so much.

I'm such a fucking screw-up.

"I don't know what you saw but please let me explain," I beg shamelessly.

Em looks at me for a second before looking inside the house at her family. I didn't care that her whole family was witnessing this exchange, I would have done anything to go back in time.

She squeezes through the door and only succeeds after pushing me backwards considering I was literally standing in the middle of her doorway. My body that was previously freezing warms up instantly at the tiniest bit of contact and I hope more than anything that she feels something as well.

She's wet almost straight away, her white shirt with roses becoming almost see-through but I don't care. Her hair was already clinging to her back like glue, and her jeans looked uncomfortably skinny.

"Please Em, you have to listen to me," I begin begging, "Me and Kat, it was a mistake-" I attempt to finish but she cuts me off.

"Aiden, it's fine," she begins and happiness fills me, was she forgiving me that easily? "You and I would never work anyway," the happiness disappears so fast I almost get whiplash, what is she saying? "You and Katherine belong toge-" I quickly cut her off, not letting her finish rip my heart out.

"No, Em, I don't love her anymore. Please believe me, we didn't even-" I attempt to explain but she cuts me off again.

"Didn't what Aiden? Sleep with her? Save it, I saw it. You're never going to change," Em replies and if possible, my heart breaks even more. She thought I would never change? She still saw me as the town's fuckboy?

I try to tell her that it's her that I love and I would do anything for her and that I had changed but my brain doesn't let me.

Maybe she was right, maybe I would never change. Maybe I was just a useless player who fucked girls and would never be anything more. Maybe my father was right when he used to call me a waste of space.

"This," she gestures from me to her, "would never work, whatever it was, it was doomed from the beginning." I don't know how a girl can cause this much hurt.

Actually, that's not true, I knew exactly how.

She was Emily Collins and she had no fucking idea how much of a hold she had over me.

"No Em, that's not true," I finally manage. Her cold eyes turn impossibly colder and I'm suddenly freezing, but not because of the rain attacking my body.

She scoffs angrily; "Seriously Aiden!? I trusted you, I told you to tell me if you weren't serious and you lied to my face. You messed with my emotions but I guess I should have expected it right? I mean you're a fuck boy and I'm the timid little girl but the jokes on me because I actually believed you had changed for boring little me. You and Katherine have a good life together because I am so fucking done with your bullshit. I've had enough of your game Aiden, I refuse to be another one of your conquests that you only break in the end. I'm just that, whatever this was, is over now." She finally finishes.

I stare at her, speechless. She was right. She trusted me, I told her to trust me. She does think I'm nothing more than just a fuckboy and that I could never change. She couldn't be right, could she? No, she had changed me, she just didn't know it. Does she think I'm going to go back to Katherine? How can somehow break up with you when you weren't even together? How can someone break your heart like that after only months?

What was I doing? Actually believing that someone as beautiful as she could ever love someone as damaged as me? I was a nothing, a nobody.

I remember cutting her off after that time at the tracks, back then I made myself believe it was for her, and even though it probably partly was, it was also for me. I didn't want to give her the power to hurt me and I should have stayed away, not run back to her. All that running back to her had done was hurt us both. I had made the stupid mistake of making out with Katerine and in response, she had cut me off.

She deserved someone so much better than me, someone who didn't almost fuck their ex or cut her off, someone like Justin, Luke, Dale, even James. She had no limitations of guys that liked her so why did I ever think I would be the right fit for her?

I hate myself. I wish I was a nice guy like Carter even, maybe then I would be worthy of her.

She scoffs, rolling her eyes and shaking her head and I instantly look up at her;

"Goodbye, Aiden."

She looks at me one last time before walking into the house and closing the door.

Was that the last time I would ever see her properly or be in her presence?

Were they the last words I would ever say to her? Was when she pushed past me the last time I would ever have physical contact with her?

I feel a drop roll down my face so I instantly wipe it away and if I'm being completely honest, I wasn't sure if it was rain.