JEANIE

Dear Travis,

Do you remember the time when you drove twenty hours to come and see me from Florida?

I remember you showing up on my doorstep, five o'clock shadow on your face, and a gift in your hand.

It had been my birthday the day before, and it had been when you first asked me out. You told me that you would find a way to send the gift, but that is just your cover story.

So that I wouldn't expect to see you in my driveway, at my front door.

You said that you wouldn't have missed it for anything. Giving me the gift in person.

I still have that gift, Travis. It's wrapped around my neck, hanging on my chest.

It is the letters T&J wound together. I remember almost hitting you for giving me this gift since we weren't even official or anything, but I loved it. Even if at the time I didn't love you.

I still thought it was amazing. I invited you inside, and we spent the day together playing games with my Mom and John.

That was one of the good days.

But now, I feel like I have just failed.

Failed you, failed my mom, and failed life as a married woman. Or a former married woman.

You made something complete in my life. I only wish that is how it is in your life right now.

But I know now that there is someone replacing me.

I guess you could say I knew I am always replaceable. But I never thought it would be by you.

It hurts like I said in my last letter.

You leaving me hurt.

Like nothing else.

But I still love you. I still want to know if we could maybe work out after this whole mess.

After you remember that you had loved me.

It seems impossible now. Since you don't even trust me. You don't believe me and you won't listen to me.

I just hope someday you will be able to understand the pain I am in for you. The pain I went through when you sent those divorce papers to me. You didn't even tell me why you wanted the divorce. You just signed it and mailed it to me.

But it's okay. It's gotta be okay.

I gotta be okay.

Because you're with Lucy now. I've had to accept that. You love another woman.

And not me.

All I want is for you to be happy.

Jeanie.

I don't leave my car. Not yet.

I am hoping that Travis won't show up to Lucy's house like he said he is going to so that I will have some time to talk to her alone.

Without the presence of him.

So I gather up the courage and march up to the door, quite stupidly, and knock.

It opens right away. She must have been waiting by the door for Travis for quite some time.

Well, ain't she about to be disappointed.

"Oh, it's you."

No need to be so friendly.

"Can I come in?"

She hesitates and looks behind me. She finally looks at me and nods, holding the door open for me. I walk inside as she shuts the door. Then she moves past me, waving her hand at me to follow. I do so, and we both go to the dining room.

She takes a seat, and I do the same, sitting across from her.

"What?" She asks abruptly.

"Did you hypnotize Travis?" I say, most bluntly. More bluntly than I had planned.

Her eyes never change.

"No. Why would I do that?"

I had been hoping she would show some sort of twitch or indication that she is lying, but I knew that would be hard. She is always the best liar out of us, and would constantly get away with stuff.

Especially for me.

Like now.

If it's not, then did Travis hit his head or something?

But then why did he get engaged to Lucy so fast? He waited a lot longer for me...

That is only because I had said no. Twice. But Lucy probably jumped into his arms the moment they met again. He probably said he is a free man, and she knew this was her chance.

And she took it.

I have now started to doubt the twins' theory.

"What do you want, Jeanie?"

I set my hand on my lap. "I came here to ask you some questions."

"Shoot."

"What happened a year and a half ago?"

"I met Travis again after high school."

"And what did he tell you?"

"That he and you had broken up, and he got a divorce. He said he didn't want to remember it at all and said to not go openly telling people about it."

She's lying.

"So then he just asked you out or you asked him?"

"I suggested we go get some breakfast since it is early."

"Where did you meet him at?"

"Why should I answer that?"

I lean in. "If you don't have anything to hide, then why should it matter?"

Her lips purse. "The park. And we didn't meet there on purpose. I was there with some friends, and he showed up. Then we started talking."

I suck in a breath. "Who asked who out after that?"

"Travis."

I stop asking questions. There is just one more on my mind.

"What if I told you that I just came from talking to Travis?"

Her eyes widened a little, not that much, but just enough for me to notice.

"So? How would that change a thing?"

I lean back. "Because he told me that he is never married, and doesn't remember my face, and didn't know anything about me. And you just told me that he came from a divorce from me."

Her eyes narrow.

"What did you do to him?" I ask softly.

"Nothing. He made his choice to leave you."

"I mean, what did you do to make him forget me?"

"...Nothing."

"Stop lying to me!" I say, feeling a tear run down my face. "I know you did something. Just tell me what it is?"

She shakes her head. She stands and walks over to the door. Her expression is full of guilt and anger as she stares at me, arms crossed.

I reluctantly follow her and stand next to her.

"Get out."

"Lucy, please. I'm not trying to take him away from you. Just please tell me what you did. That's all I want to know. Please."

She bites her lip.

From my years as being her friend I knew that meant she was going to tell me.

And I isn't going to like it.

"Fine. You're right. I did hypnotize him. I did it so that he would maybe see me instead of you after you guys got divorced. I made him forget you."

Even though I know it is true, it still hurts coming from her mouth.

"It is the right thing to do. Because you deserved to be forgotten. Now get out."

"Did you hypnotize him to love and marry you?" The question comes out before I can stop it.

She looks like she wants to slap me.

But I see it in her eyes. It's true. She doesn't even have to tell me.

"Leave. Now."

I open the door and stop. I hear Lucy suck in a sharp breath behind me. Her eyes must be on the figure in front of me.

Travis.

He looks between us. But his gaze rests on Lucy. The look in his eyes is agonizing.

"Excuse me," I say and move past him. I don't stop until I make it to my car.

I turn the keys into the car and drive away.

When I make it back to my house, I feel like someone has just ripped off my physical weight and sadness.

But then put it right back on me ten times worse.

I feel horrible. But not for me. For Lucy. I knew throughout all her life, she wanted someone's love. But I knew it came from her father.

Because he didn't love her as he should have.

She told me countless times she had taken a beating from him. About the bruises she hid from me day in and day out. It took her so long to open up to me, but once she did it all started to gush out of her and it never stopped.

I had heard that only a few years ago he was put in jail.

But I knew that she had wanted to be loved by a man. Better than her father loved her.

So I knew that she had fallen for Travis. And when I was younger, I told her he is all hers.

Because I had never taken into account that Travis' feelings for me would keep going. I thought it would pass, and he would like Lucy.

Little did I know I would fall for him too.

And in the process I lost my best friend.

Now I feel like a jerk. I know she only wanted to love and be loved in return. So I know that this is out of desperation. Because she wanted love so much she is willing to hypnotize him to forget me, the only person he loved more than her.

Now I think I understand her. For the first time in my life, I think I understand why she did that.

And I don't blame her.

I, like Lucy, had no loving father. But instead of trying my hardest to find someone to love, I ignored it altogether. I thought that maybe if I avoided loving someone, I would be better off.

That I wouldn't have to go through that heartbreak my Mother suffered through.

But of course, I just had to follow in her footsteps. And Travis, in my fathers.

I only wish it wasn't so.

As much as the news of her making Travis forget me hurt, the worst part is that she said she didn't make him leave me.

That is his own doing.

So I guess it wouldn't matter if he remembered me anyway.

Because he still would leave me.

But would I really want him back anyway?

Yes. Yes, I would.

Wholeheartedly.