JEANIE

Dear Travis,

I don't really know what to write about anymore. I have always written about you.

But I'm losing you.

And I always seem to fill a page talking about you anyway. Which is kind of ironic.

So since I'm just going to keep quiet with what I'm feeling right now, this is going to be short.

I'm just going to say this:

I didn't say I loved you back the second time you proposed. So I'm saying it now.

I love you.

Jeanie.

I stare at the words I had just written and feel myself beginning to drain away. My feelings drift away as I stare at those words.

The past few days have been horrible.

Jared and Fran told me that they had helped Travis put all his stuff in a moving van.

Which meant it's only a matter of time before he is able to move.

And that meant he is going to be millions of miles away from me.

I want to go with him. So bad.

But I know that could never work. He would be so concerned with my welfare that it could never work. We'd never be happy, always looking over our shoulders, being super cautious.

I thought about us living someplace so remote nobody could find us.

We'd get married again, get a house somewhere, maybe on the other side of the world, and just... be together. That is all I want.

To be with him.

I thought of all the stupid and selfish reasons to have him. To be with him. And knew I could never put him through that.

I couldn't live with myself.

I keep telling myself to let him go. Let him live his life, far away. From me. And for him to be happy.

And then I laugh. Because I think of how could he possibly be happy without me.

Stupid. Stupid.

Of course he can. He is happy living without me for a year. With Lucy.

But to be fair, he is hypnotized.

But if he is really unhappy, without me, wouldn't he have felt something missing and remembered?

I'm just overthinking everything.

Fran invited me to go out with her to get some food since Jared is going to be out of town.

I told her yes. Then kind of regretted it because it is at Travis' favorite place. But Fran didn't know that. At least I don't think she did.

Who would have told her?

We arrive, and I try not to remember the times Travis' took me here. The times when we were together forever and ever.

At least we thought so at those moments.

After we have been seated at a table, we get our menus and I hide my face behind it, trying to forget I'm even here.

I'm in my bed. Not here. Not here.

"You know what you want?"

I didn't want Fran to think I didn't want to be here or have even been here, so I say I needed a little while to think about what I wanted when I already knew.

I always got the same thing every time I am here. The bacon cheeseburger. Nothing too fancy.

But it's my favorite.

During the time we were married, Travis had only done burgers once. And they were the best. Better than this place.

At least that's what I told him.

Travis always got the same thing when he is here, and the waiter once said that no one ever usually gets it except him.

Fish sticks.

Apparently they aren't the best here, always either overcooked or undercooked but Travis likes them both ways. So he always gets it.

He just likes fish.

Our regulars.

I would always tease him when he got them. But he would just say he is special.

"You just have special taste buds," I would reply.

And he'd give me a laugh and nod. Never once did he deny it.

And I'd never deny he is special.

Because he is. Still is.

After we order, we wait a few minutes, chatting, not really in the moment because of all the memories flooding my thoughts.

Just when I start to feel better, the food of ours seems to have come out. Except there is an extra plate of the tray coming toward us.

But then the waiter swerves, and walks over to someone else's table, and announces loud enough for me.

"Your fish sticks, sir."

Then the menu in front of the man comes down, and I see his face.

"Thank you." the plate is set in front of him.

But my eyes are locked on his face.

What is he doing here?

"Oh yum, the food's here," Fran says, rubbing her hands together as her spaghetti is now in front of her.

I take my burger from the man, almost tipping my plate. I end up knocking my water on the man, who jumps away.

He lets out a yell.

And I find myself looking over to the table where he is sitting. With his fish sticks in hand.

His eyes are now on mine.

I feel tears cloud my vision.

I stand. I apologize to the waiter, then scurry around him, and out of the restaurant.

"Jeanie?" Fran says. "Stop."

I don't. I keep going, all the way to the front doors, and swing through them. I am on the sidewalk to the entrance, and I move out of the way of incoming people.

I don't want to start a scene.

So I walk a little towards the side of the building, tears in my eyes.

I don't even have a chance to react.

"Jeanie."

A hand grabs mine. I am turned to face the person who has a hold on me.

"Travis," I breathe.

He goes up to touch my face, but stops midway, letting his hand go to his side. Then I realize why I am even crying.

"Stop," I say, tearing myself from his grasp. "Just stop, please."

He waits.

Tears come down my cheeks, "Do you even have any idea how hard this is for me? Being so close to you, but I am never allowed to have you? Close enough to touch you, but would literally die if I did?"

"Yes-"

"No! Because if you did, you wouldn't even be here. Where I'm standing or even at this restaurant. You told me yesterday to basically get out of your life. That this is the only way. But you don't even believe that."

"Yes, I do."

I laugh. "You sure don't act like it. Is there really even a letter, Travis? A threat over my head? Because I'm doubting it. Maybe I am right all along. You've never loved me, and this is just a way to get me out of your life."

"No!" Travis yells, shaking his head, his eyes pleading with me. "Never believe that. Jeanie, this is real. I'm not making it up. I love you."

"Those are just words, Travis. How do I even know that you were even hypnotized? How do I know that Lucy ever-"

Travis actually growls, anger in his eyes, but I know not at me, "Jeanie Stone. I am, and forever will be, yours. Never Lucy's!" He barks at me. "And I never knew you were going to be here tonight. I didn't follow you. Please believe me."

I want to. Oh, how I want to.

His hands are reaching out to me wanting to pull me close to him. His hand snakes around my waist, "Forgive me."

He kisses me. Again.

Furious with myself, I let him. And I enjoy it.

Then it is broken apart when we both hear a gunshot.