《Mercy | Relief》Chapter twenty-four

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TRAVIS

Dear Jeanie,

I don't write letters. Ever. You know that.

But... here I am.

I'll never send this to you. I don't know how you'll react. You'll probably just tear it up, and burn it.

I just want to get some things off my chest.

And I figure this is the best way to do it.

I've read your letter. Just a few hours ago. I was scared when I read the part where you thought about moving on, and now I believe you actually might.

I know you wrote that letter before you thought I didn't love you. So I sort of know you won't want me back into your life now.

I want to apologize. I wasn't a very good husband. Or a friend I guess. I did push you even though I shouldn't have.

But longing does something to you. I missed you. Too much. And I couldn't allow myself to stay away for so long. So it's my fault you thought I don't love you.

But I do. I do.

I love you so much.

I'm here in Michigan. Where my father grew up. I figured it is the only place I could pick up a life for myself.

I'll miss you, Jeanie. A lot.

I have so much more to say, but then I'd write forever, so I'll just end, I guess.

I'm sorry. For everything.

I wish you knew how much.

Yours,

Travis.

I feel my hand shake. I stop myself. Jeanie could be here any second.

And I can't let her find out.

I wrinkle up the letter and stuff it in my back pocket. I press it flat, then walk into the living room, where I see my beautiful wife on the couch, snuggled up in a blanket, eyes closed.

I suppose she wouldn't be here anytime soon.

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A smile spreads across my lips. And I felt myself start to ache at what I am about to do.

I'm sorry, baby.

I'm sorry.

She won't understand. She will be hurt.

And I will be the one to do that to her.

I cup her cheeks. I bend down to kiss her lips, and I feel her kissing me back.

"That's quite a wake-up call," She murmurs, hands on my face. I look down at her, seeing her smile, and wonder how on earth could I possibly do this.

She reaches up to kiss me again, but I don't let her but walk around the side of the couch to her. I lay next to her as she wraps her arms around my neck as I wrap myself around her waist, burying my face in her hair, her in the crook of my neck.

She kisses my neck, and I don't think I have the strength to move.

You're not making this easy, Jeanie.

"Where have you been?" She asks.

I suck in a breath, knowing that I couldn't possibly tell her I had been just walking around after I had received the letter to contemplate what I have to do. About everything.

"I went to get groceries, then realized the store is closed," I say into her hair.

"What time is it?" She asks, pulling herself out, to glance up at the clock.

"Ten."

"Man, I conked out," She looks at me, "you okay? You look tired," She states, reaching up to brush my hair out of my face.

I don't answer, but press my lips to hers.

She responds how I knew she would. Kissing back in the passionate way of hers.

Except this time I break it off. I have to keep my head. I have to remember I am about to hurt her so horribly.

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"I forgot to tell you that Jared invited me to go out to watch the game tonight," I say. "I have to go soon."

"This late?"

I nod. I cringe inwardly. Jared asked me right after I got the letter, and I never responded. Hopefully, he'll just think I want to surprise him. It should be going on still.

"Okay. I better let you go," She says, releasing me from her grasp.

I stand, Jeanie following me as I grab my wallet and keys. She wraps her arms around me just before I go. I hold onto her tight.

"I love you," She whispers, kissing my cheek.

How good it feels to hear her say those words. The ones I long to hear from her lips.

"I love you. You know that right?"

She pulls away, "Yeah, I know. Why?"

I stare into her eyes, trying to figure out if she knows what I am really doing. But I only see her innocence.

I whisper, "I just wanted you to know."

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