I lay here for hours or maybe even days. I can't be sure. The only thing that occupies my mind is her. As always.

I tried to see the logic behind what Vanessa and Lee were saying but I don't. I just can't. Four years ago I would say to hell with sulking, she's just a girl. But now... Now I can't see my self without her.

I'm​ lying in the grass at the park. The abandoned park where Lee's father would take us when we were younger. And every time I try to tell myself to let her go, that it's the best thing for her, my future suddenly disappears. I can't see myself without her and I don't want to.

I know I probably freaked her out by rushing out of that place but it was the best thing I could do. I couldn't bear to be that close to the love of my entire being and not have her. Not touch her and tell her how much I am desperately in love with her. That I need her.

I never really noticed before how much she's healed me. When my parents died I became someone different. I had a huge hole in my chest and there was always an aching deep down in that hole. I used partying, women, whatever I could to get rid of it. But there was nothing that could help. Nothing.

Until I met Evelyn.

She filled that hole. She stitched me up and took away the pain. I still miss my parents. Every single day I do. But Lyn was there. She's all I had. So what do I do without the one thing that holds me together? Evelyn's my peace. She's my place of sanity. I already feel like I'm going out of my mind and I haven't done what I've suppose to do yet. That's when I'll lose her and there'll be no going back. She'll hate me.

And that'll be what pushes me over the edge of darkness.

I grip a handful of my hair in my fist trying to fight the tears lumping at my throat.

My dad would know what to do if he were here. He knew everything about women. What he and my mother had was extraordinary. A lot like what I have...had with Lyn.

He would love her, I'm sure. He would have been proud of my choice. And I'm sure he'd love the story of how we met. Well....somewhat.

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It was our third year in college. Lee and I were roommates of course. And that was the time he started womanising like me, bringing in a different girl every week and dumping them the end of the weekend. Some of the girls knew how he was but they still wanted him. Others... Well they were clueless and he was such a charmer that they thought he was genuine.

Lyn was one of the clueless girls.

And although it's selfish of me to say this, I'm glad she was because I don't think I would've met her if she wasn't.

Lee met her at a coffee shop on campus. It was late. Too late for anyone to be drinking coffee but she was upset over some guy and didn't know where else to go. Of course when Lee saw a girl alone in a coffee shop on a Friday night he wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of the situation.

It wasn't the end of the week yet so there was still another girl he was with. She was back at our dorm room waiting for him when he called me and told me he met another girl he desperately wanted to take home that night. So being the good friend I was I left the party I was at and made up a lie to get the other girl out of our dorm. It worked like a charm and I gave Lee the heads up that the dorm was clear. When I got in the next morning, Lee was passed out on his bed, shirtless.

While my bed looked like it was slept in too. I groaned.

"Don't tell me you guys did it on my bed." As soon as I said that I heard a crashing sound in the bathroom. The first thing I noticed when I went in there was the picture of my parents lying on the floor surrounded by broken pieces of the frame it was in.

"What the hell did you do?" I said to no one in particular as I rushed to pick the pieces up. "This is my favourite picture of them." I was yelling now and I didn't care.

"I'm so sorry. I... I heard what you said out there and I... I'm really sorry," the girl said. That was the first time I saw her. She was breathtakingly beautiful. Her long brown hair cascaded down her back in curls. Her eyes were what caught my attention though. They told me how sorry she was. But about what? Having sex on my bed or breaking the picture frame?

"It's fine. I don't care about the bed it's this that's-" I started.

"No we didn't-"

"What's going on in here?" I guess I woke Lee with all the yelling.

I didn't take my eyes off of her as I said, "Nothing. My frame fell and broke." I don't know how long we stood there staring at each other but I guess it was long enough to be awkward as I heard Lee clear his throat behind me. Suddenly, she grew furious but I knew it wasn't at me.

"I'm leaving now," she said to him. "And by the way, your friend's a complete dick," she said to me. Then she left.

Apparently she was pissed because my best friend wanted to take advantage of her while she was in a moment of weakness. She was going through a bad break up and Lee pretended to be someone she could talk to. When in truth, he just wanted her for the night.

It was the first time I ever wanted to punch my best friend in the face but I didn't since he didn't actually get to sleep with her.

So her strong dislike for Lee now is understandable but she always tried her best to hide it for my sake. I guess one could say I began stalking her after that until she noticed me.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

"What would you think of me now, Mom and Dad?" I say to an empty park. "What would you do?"

Who am I kidding? I got myself in one hell of a mess and I don't think there's anything anyone can do to get me out of it. Not even my father could. She's not mine anymore. I have to accept that. "Shit! Shit! Shit!"

This is going to drive me nuts.

I feel​ my phone vibrating in my pocket and pull it out. I am in no mood to talk to anyone.

"What?" I yell into the speaker without looking at the caller ID. "What is it?" I bark again when I hear nothing on the other end.

"Marcel?" I pull the phone away from my ear and close my eyes. I don't need caller ID to recognise that voice.

I draw in a deep breath. I have to do this, I remind myself. This is what's best, I keep thinking.

"Marcel, are you there?"

"Yea, Lyn. I'm here," I reply.

"Where? Are you okay? You ran out of here so fast I didn't even know what was happening. Look, I know I probably confused you with that kiss but I wanted to talk to you about that," she says in one breath.

I know where she's going with this and I need to stop her before she makes that mistake. "There was no confusion. I know what you want to say."

"Then why did you leave?" She sounds​ hurt and this makes me more mad at myself than I ever was.

"Because we won't work, Lyn," I start. I hear her sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line and it breaks my heart. But I have to do this. "I made a huge mistake. One that's too big for you to forgive. And that's too much to ask of you."

"No. What are you saying?" Her voice breaks. "Damn it, Marcel! What are you saying?" I need to hang up before I change my mind and rush back there to her.

"I'm saying goodbye, Evelyn. You'd be stupid to forgive me. You deserve better and you know it. I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am. I-" I stop myself from telling her that I love her. "Goodbye," I say again and hang up.

That's when I feel​ it. I feel the stitches ripping apart. The one thing that held me together is gone. There's no more her, no more us in my life. There's just me. An empty shell of me because I have nothing left. Nothing to live for.

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