Chapter Sixty- Resurfacing Reality

'No new couch, no new coffee table. Finished. Closed'

'Ah gee Ricky you should look at this ad. It's the most beautiful couch and coffee table you've ever seen. It's only two hundred and ninety nine dollars'

'Just forget it'

I was sitting on my couch in the dark watching I Love Lucy re runs. I had cuddled up in a fluffy blanket, holding it close.

I hadn't been out of my apartment in three days. I had barely moved from the couch, except to bathe and change clothes etc. I didn't feel the need to do anything anymore except trying to keep my mind off of the inevitable.

The door jingled open. I didn't bother to look who it was, I knew it was him. Tom was the only one who had my spare key now. He stayed with me usually except last night.

He leaned over the couch and handed me a plastic bag.

I opened it to find a bag of candy, and smiled slightly opening it up and pouring even more into my sorrows.

"You really need to get up Cas" Tom said softly.

"I don't want to" I said hard.

He sighed and walked around the couch. I opened up the blanket as he sat next to me and brought me close into his chest. I continued to nibble on my candy and watch the television.

"You need to go to the clinic" He said.

I ignored him. I didn't want to come to face reality, and he was really making that hard.

He grabbed the remote and turned the television off. I glared at him. "I was watching that!"

"And now you're listening to me" He said dead serious.

"What?" I asked annoyed leaning away from him.

"You have to go to the clinic soon"

"And who told you that? Sarah? I don't care" I said pissed off. I hadn't been to the clinic in way too long.

"Yes she did and Cassie-" He stopped himself

"What?" I looked at him suspiciously "What do you know?"

He sighed looking out one of my windows "Nothing"

"You do to know something" I said glaring more.

"I do not" He spoke evenly.

"What the hell do you know Tom?!" I yelled frustrated with the whole situation.

"They are going to fire you okay?!" He shouted back at me.

"W-what?" I asked slowly.

He sighed "Sarah says the next time you go in they are going to give you your notice"

"What am I going to do?" I asked myself running my hand through my hair. I could get another job, but I wasn't qualified for anything, so that means I can't live here anymore and I'd have to- I don't know.

"You're going to move back in with me. It was bound to happen sometime anyway" He said

I sighed after a moment, it was my only option. "Fine" I said settling back down a little.

"Well don't sound happy about it or anything" He mumbled loud enough for me to here.

I scoffed standing up about to flee to my room.

"I think you need some help Cas" Tom spoke.

I turned around sharply "What?" I hissed

"This isn't healthy, you acting like this"

I shook my head fake laughing. "Have you ever lost a parent Tom?"

He looked down "No"

"Then don't you fucking tell me how to grieve okay?" I hissed walking away. I could hear his footsteps behind mine.

He grabbed my hand as I walked through the small hallway, and turned me around. "Look I can't even imagine what you're going through right now okay? But this isn't good, closing yourself up. You won't even talk to me half the time. I hate seeing you like this, and I know that it's going to get worse. I just want to make sure that you are okay."

"I'm not okay, but that doesn't mean I need to talk to a stupid shrink"

He nodded "I think that you should move in as soon as possible...You need to be around people, as much as you don't want to"

I slid my hand out of his and continued to walk into my room. "Fine, let's start packing then"

That night like most nights, I lie awake in bed thinking about the past...

'Mummy Clay made me bleed!' I cried running to the back porch where Mum was sitting rocking in a chair, reading a story book to Carson.

"Whatever she said is a lie!" Clay said running up behind me.

"Come here baby girl" Mum said, wanting to examine the blood dripping from my elbow.

I quickly jumped up the steps to her. She looked at it for a moment, and then turned to Clay who gulped.

"Go get a Band-Aid Clayton" She sighed.

Clay walked up the steps and as he passed I said "Ooooohhh she called you Clayton" I teased

"Shut up brat" Clay said towering over me. I cowered behind the rocking chair.

"Clayton Band-Aid now" My mum said sternly.

He rolled his eyes and continued walking to the back door.

"It really hurts mum" I wined

She frowned, looking at it again. "I know"

"Is Cassie going to die mummy?" Carson asked tears coming to his eyes.

Mum laughed as I walked over to his rocking chair that was next to mum's. I picked him up and sat him on my lap; he was very small for a five year old.

"I won't die! I wouldn't leave you with big mean Clay" I smiled, trying to hide my pain from my baby brother.

"Promise?" He asked nestling his head in my neck.

"Promise"

"Here" Clay sighed handing the Band-Aid back to Mum.

She ripped it open and held out her hand for my elbow, and I quickly placed it in her hands.

"Clayton you're supposed to be an example for them. You're not a little kid anymore. So stop picking on your little sister."

"But Mum I didn't-"

"Go help you father" She scolded him as he grumbled and walked off the porch.

I missed my Mum. She was always there. And now she is just gone.

Surprisingly I kept remembering times with my mum. My dad was never really around when I was younger. He was always working, or sleeping or paying bills.

I sighed and sat up, letting Tom's arm fall loosely to the side. I stared at my now empty room. There were just the sheets on the bed. The white walls were a cage with having all of my posters in the trash (I didn't feel the need to keep them anymore). Truthfully I barely unpacked from the last time I moved back in so there was practically nothing for us to pack, except for the bathroom, living room, and kitchen.

I got up out of the bed and walked into the kitchen, through the mountain of boxes. I didn't own much but the little things pile up after awhile.

I unpacked my coffee maker and plugged it in. I knew I wouldn't go back to sleep so what was the point?

After rummaging through some rubbish I finally seemed to find my old scrapbook Carson gave me for my graduation. I sat up on one of the stools and placed the scrapbook in front of me and took a deep breath before I opened it.

Pictures. Pictures of everything. My birth, my birthdays, Mother Day's, Halloween's, Christmas's, Dances...all the way up to my graduation.

I flipped through the pages slowly, before I started sobbing. Seeing my mother's smiling face just broke me down. It wasn't fair that she was ripped away from me. She was my best friend, I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me. And yet now her memory is fading from my heart as time passes.

"Cassie?" I heard a groggily Tom.

I tried whipping away the tears, but soon realized that it was hopeless for new ones would replace them. I hated crying in front of people, I hated bothering people with my own stupid problems that they wouldn't care about but would show me sympathy anyway. I hated having sympathy. I closed the book and twisted the stool to look at him.

"What?" I chocked out, my voice breaking entirely.

"Baby..." He sighed, staring at me as he walked, with his eyes creased with worry.

Another rack of sobs shook me, as he hugged me to his chest kissing the top of my head. I slowly wrapped my arms around him.

"Why does this happen to me? Why do I have to watch both of my parents die before I'm twenty five?"

"You shouldn't have to go through this" He spoke softly, rubbing my back lightly.

"I miss her Tom, I miss her so much. Whenever there were dances and you had to pick out dresses and all the girls went to the mall with their mums' I had to go by myself. Whenever it was Mother's Day Carson worshiped me, because I was the Mother figure in his life. Whenever it was my birthday my Mum would spend the entire day with me, but when she died I had to spend the day by myself most of the time. She died four days before my birthday! We were out driving because of me! We went to go look at my birthday cake. Every time I needed a Mother she wasn't there. Every time I am going to need a Mother she isn't going to be there!"

"Shhh Baby shhh" Tom hushed me softly.

"It's not fair!" I wailed.

"Come on" Tom sighed picking me up bridal style. I weakly wrapped my arms around his bare neck.

He walked us into my room, and sat down with me in his lap. He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, as I cried into his neck.

"It sounds like your crying because of your Mother and not because of your Father" he stated softly, resting his head on top of mine.

"I-I know it does. M-my Dad and I were n-never really that close. It's like it's all h-hitting me right n-now" I spoke softly, trying to control myself.

"Shhh Okay Shhh" Tom soothed.

"J-just hold me?" I asked

"Of course" He said almost inaudibly.

"So you're actually quitting?" Sarah asked

"Technically they are going to fire me; I'm just deciding to leave before hand" I shrugged, while finishing signing some papers. "Now I have to wait for Tom to pick me up" I sighed

"Why?" Sarah asked taking the paperwork away from me.

"Oh well since both our cars are here, and Tom doesn't think I should be driving, Dan and Rupert drove down here. Dan's driving my car up there and I'm riding in Tom's, but since Dan doesn't have the keys Tom had to drive back to my apartment to give them to him."

She frowned "Sorry, you have to move back in with him"

I shrugged "Like he said, it was bound to happen sometime and who knows maybe I can get a job up there"

"Well make sure to call me every now and then. I live off of your drama" She laughed.

"Yeah" I rolled my eyes.

Tom honked the horn; I sighed as Sarah came around the counter and gave me a small hug. "I'll miss you Cassie" She sighed half smiling.

"I'll miss you too" I said shortly. Tom honked again.

"Him I won't miss" She huffed.

I laughed "I'll send him your love" I teased as I was half way out the door.

"Oh please do" She said sarcastically.

I walked out to Demon through the light drizzle of rain and opened the passenger side, to have Tom shake his head. "What?" I asked

"Get in the back" He said nodding towards the back.

"Why?" I asked again.

"Just get in the back, you're getting the car wet" He said

I rolled my eyes and closed the door, only to open the one behind it. I climbed in and looked at him in the rear view mirror. "Now can you tell me why?"

"Because you're going to take a nap" He said backing out of the parking space.

I stole my last glance of the clinic before I said "I am am I?"

"I know you didn't sleep well last night, so just take a nap" He said driving off onto the main road.

"Okay" I sighed and curled up in his back seat.

I jumped awake as thunder shook the car profoundly. The dark blue of the stormy clouds shaded the seat. Droplets of water were slowly falling down the misty windows. I cringed in fear as a lightning strike illuminated the sky. Thunder rolled the earth that lay beneath.

"Cassie shhh it's okay" Tom said from the front seat glancing worriedly in the mirror.

I sighed unevenly as my memory flowed back to me. I shivered with chills.

I quickly sat up and leaned over the back seat looking at the brown boxes, remembering.

"What are you doing?"

I squeaked as another roll of thunder braced the earth. I grabbed the blanket from one of the top boxes and quickly climbed into the passenger seat as Tom stopped at a red light. I wrapped the blanket around me and nestled into the seat. Tom looked sideways at me.

"You okay?"

I was getting so very sick of hearing that from him.

I nodded still drowsy from my nap. But I couldn't go back to sleep in a storm. It just wasn't going to happen.

Silence filled the car. It was patronizing, we used to never have silence between us. Am I the cause of all this tension? I didn't want to bring him down with me.

"Tom?" I asked

"Hmm?" he said absent mindly driving with one hand.

"I love you"

He took a second longer to glance at me while managing to drive straight.

"I love you too"

I linked my arms through his, which was resting on the arm rest, and gently rested my head on his bicep. "It feels like I don't say that enough"

He laced our fingers together. "Don't worry about it" he soothed

I smiled slightly but stiffened when lightning flashed in front of our eyes.

"Bloody storm" I mumbled relaxing a bit

Tom chuckled "you're cute"

I blushed a little, and then closed my eyes drifting off to another peaceful sleep.

The clanking of medal woke me up. Tom was driving into the garage, still driving with one hand.

I looked up at him, once the car was shut off, and he looked down at me smiling. I sat up straight cracking multiple bones in the process and rubbed my eyes awake. "Hi" I said, as he was still staring at me.

He chuckled "Hello"

I opened the door and jumped out. I still felt numb, but something about this place brightened my mood a little.

We both took a few boxes in and set them on the kitchen table, when I was tackled into a hug by Dan.

"Oh god" I breathed as I hugged him back "Hi"

"I'm so excited that you're moving back in" Dan said smiling as he let go of me.

"He's been jubilant all day" Rupert said shaking his head, as he stood in the entry way.

I smiled a little as I sighed at all three of them, and then picked up a box heading for the stairs. "I'm going to start" I said to them.

"I'll be up in a little while" Tom said

-Third Person-

Tom watched as Cassie walked up the stairs and disappeared down the hallway. He sighed looking back down at the guys walking back to the living room.

He followed and plopped down on the couch tired.

"She seems fine, Tom" Rupert commented after a second.

Tom looked at him almost frowning "I wish that was the case"

"I'm glad she's home" Dan said smiling to himself.

Rupert rolled his eyes slightly leaning more into the chair.

Tom rubbed his head "I've never seen her this depressed"

"Emma said it's a lot like-" Dan started but was cut off my Rupert slapping his head and glaring at him.

Tom looked suspiciously between the two. "Like what?"

Dan looked warily at Rupert, to make sure that he wouldn't slap him again before beginning to speak to Tom. "Like when you two broke up"

Tom stared off into space for a moment "Oh"

"I'm guessing your still going through with it then?" Rupert asked quickly trying to change Tom's thought process.

Tom nodded thoughtfully "Of course...I'm going to do it before it's too late. I leave tomorrow, she doesn't know that though" He rubbed his head "And you" he pointed at Dan "can not drop any hints"

"Why would I?" Dan asked innocently.

Tom turned his head to the side and gave him a look.

"Okay okay" Dan said defensively "And no telling Emma right?"

"Of course not, she'd blab about it to Cas first time she got the chance"

"Right about that mate" Rupert said nodding his head.

"She is going to be pissed that you didn't tell her" Dan sang

"I could really care less about Emma right now" Tom grumbled.

"You sure you want to even do this? It's a little risky..." Rupert said concerned.

"She is worth the risk"