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i sometimes wonder,

how to handle grief.

when i am all alone,

you are my only belief.

how do i soothe my pain?

how do i not cry?

when you aren't here?

when you aren't even mine?

i look at the moon,

and the stars.

hoping you are looking at them too,

as you play your guitar.

and when the wind kisses me,

i feel you lips,

oh so softly on my cheek,

like i did that one eclipse.

and as i stare far off in the sky

i smile with my scars,

for how ever far we might be,

we are under the same stars.

Abhay didn't know what he had received from his little sister but whatever it was seemed too personal for him to read future. He flipped to the last page to see the name 'Sona' written is slant cursive writing. His lips quirked up slightly, her handwriting was as bad as ever and so hard to read but he was surprised to know she had a knack for poetry. Sad poetry that to.

Keeping the book away he listened intently to what Dev was talking about as they started walking towards the hotel. But when he heard his name being called out he stopped, slightly startled to see Sona waving at him.

"I'll catch up with you later," he told his friends, a frown on his face.

"Hey, let her come here!" Dev said with a sly smile as he raised one of his eyebrow. "I wanna see how you reject this one saying you already have a girlfriend."

The others laughed but Abhay just rolled his eyes and started walking away from them. Sona stood panting, taking a long breath and a puff of her inhaler. That only made him frown deeper.

All the students were filling into the hotel and in the mayhem he was worried to lose sight of her so he jogged instead, his duffel bag slinging over his shoulder. He gazed at her deeply when she still didn't speak but looked at him with her mouth agape.

"Why are you here?" his words came out ruder than he intended them to and it was obvious from her expression.

Sona's heart was thumping, his words piercing it and made it bleed. She bit on her lip, "Umm. . . ."

Why couldn't she suddenly not find her voice? Looking at his dark eyes that melted her body into a puddle of nothingness and his luscious dark hair that distracted her brain that she was tongue tied she resembled a fool as she stood in front of him. But it had been years since she had seen him up close and he looked more beautifier than before.

"Sona?" Abhay sounded impatient, "You want your book back?"

She nodded her head stupidly, a blush growing on her face as she saw his muscles move inside his tight t- shirt. Why was he not wearing a jacket? It was so cold. As he extracted her book from his bag her brown eyes had melted at the sight of him. He had just shaved, Sona could make out from his smooth chin. His hair had grown longer too, into a mullet. Was this a new hair style? Just gazing at him enough gave her inspiration to write.

"Take it," his voice snapped her out of her daze.

"T-Thank y-you," she grew shy and nervous under his dark eyes that seem to be looking into her soul. She broke the eye contact first, swallowing hard as she pushed her hand forward.

"How many puffs are you taking a day?"

"Ummm. . . " her voice was still lost at a distant desert as her eyes grew larger. "T-Two."

"How many did you take today?" he asked, his voice hard.

"F-Four. . . " she blurted out the truth. "B-But, don't tell my mom! It's just because it's so cold here, I can hardly breath!"

"Then you shouldn't have come here," he barked, his eyebrows scrunched up together as he saw her worried face turn sad. Sona could feel tears forming in her eyes, her heart beating faster than before. She sniffed, snatching the book from him and turning away without saying goodbye.

Only a minute had passed when Abhay realised how coarse his words were and how much they might've hurt her. Damnnit.

🦋🦋🦋

When Sona told Tarni that Abhay was rude to her she only meant it in his actions, he didn't greet her politely or asked her how she was doing. Sometimes he would act like she didn't even exist.

But he had never spoken so rudely to her.

Yes, the last time might've been when she was 13 and he 16. They had a bad argument and she had told him she would never call him bhaiya again and she didn't. She would never. He was not her bhaiya. She had stopped seeing him as a brother when she was 15.

"Why would he do that?" Tarni who was scrounging through her bag paused, turning around in confusion. She jerked her neck to get her hair out of her face. "Abhay wouldn't say something like that. He is only rude to girls who like him."

"Huh?" Sona felt her stomach plunging, her ears ringing with the words that brought absolute horror to her. Her face turned pale and when Tarni noticed she tried to bury herself in her jacket as she pressed on her nose with a handkerchief.

"He might have been in a bad mood," she said, pulling out a sage green sweater from her bag, her tensed shoulder slumped down in relief. "Don't take him seriously, okay?"

Sona mumbled a small 'yes', already making her way to the other end of the room so Tarni couldn't decry her emotions or her feelings. She clutched her diary in her hand, her grip so tight that her fingers turned red. He read it! He read it and he knows I like him! He probably dislikes me so much that he couldn't help but be rude to me. He didn't even want me to be here.

Sona wanted to bawl her eyes out, cry waterfalls and waterfalls of tears as she let out all the pain buried inside her. Her heart wasn't resting and she so wanted to take another shot of her inhaler, but she couldn't she had reached her limit yesterday. But will everyday be like this? Testing her limits?

"Sona we have to go down for breakfast!" Tarni was looking in the mirror as she set her hair, oblivious to her friends plunging emotions. "Vikrant, Vikrant, Vikrant. . . . " she huffed under her breathe as she set her hair with much concentration.

Sona had the worst sleep yesterday and neither did she wake up early in the morning to watch the sunrise with her friends. The mountains were not a solace to her, their beauty didn't entice her like it did the others. For her, all they looked like were massive pieces of icebergs that would drown her ship soon.

"I shouldn't have come," she blew into the hanky.

The whole place was packed with people and Sona was already losing oxygen to breath. So when Tarni slid into the table where Vikrant was she sneaked an aloo paratha with her outside. Rolling it like a Frankie she took a huge bite to ease her hunger and then used her hanky to sniff her nose again. The taste of the dish enticed her tongue and the spiciness hit after she swallowed it made her hiss.

"Here," startled by the voice she almost jumped out of her jacket.

"You scared me Aksith!" she looked into his amber eyes that were crinkled as he smiled down at her. He wore a long black coat, his hand encased in woollen gloves that held a bottled water.

"Sorry, Sona," he gave her a smile as she gulped down the water. "How do you like this place so far?"

"I hate it," she screwed the bottle shut, her eyes falling at the sky blue horizon that were devoid of clouds.

"Of course," there was a tinge of sarcasm in his voice. "You aren't wearing gloves, or a scarf or your ear mufflers. You really plan on being bedridden, aren't you?"

Sona picked the fluff of her jacket, her eyes falling down as she bit on her lip. "Umm. . .well. . . "

"You need to take care of yourself, Sona," he sighed, shaking his head as if he was trying to coax a child. "Is this the first trip you are taking without your parents around?"

"Hey! What's that suppose to mean?" she snapped, her face red at his overly sweet treatment. Was he treating her like a child who couldn't take care of herself? "I can take care of myself!"

"Doesn't look like it," he flicked her forehead, making her flinch.

"Hey! Aksith!" she groaned, punching him in his gut that was nothing but futile as he laughed at her.

"I already saw Abhay scolding you yesterday," another flick but she had her mouth agape now. "And then you almost looked like you were about to cry. Now, can you really take care of yourself?"

Sona's brown eyes widened like saucers. This Aksith! Was he spying on her? He had already seen her cry before and now he had also seen her talk to Abhay. Glaring at the boy she stood up from the stair she was sitting on, her hands on her hips.

"Are you spying on me?" she sounded very serious and that's what made him double over.

"Really?" Sona could see the fog forming out of his mouth as small chuckled passed through his chest. "That's what you think? It was just a mere coincidence."

"Coincidence?" she raised her eyebrows. "Or should I say, Tarni?"

Aksith's laughter seized, his body growing rigid as he looked at the knowing look in Sona's eyes. When he stood stupidly with his mouth hung open like an ajar door she laughed at him, now flicking his forehead.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!"

"Look! Abhay is here!"

Sona screamed bloody murder, jumping like she had caught spiders on her legs as she latched herself on Aksith, her whole frame crumbled together like paper. "Where? Where? Hide me!"

His jacket creased as she fisting it tightly, her eyes screwed shut as she peaked from behind him to see no one in sight. The place was pumped with fog, even so no shadow moved in the cold. The silence bestowed around them for another minute was killed with she screamed in frustration, punching the boy in his back.

"Aksith! Why would you do that?" her voice was muffled as she pressed her nose with her hanky. "I could've died!"

"Died?" he mused, the side of his lip titling upwards.

"Yes! From a heart attack!" she threw her hands in the air, her nose red like a tomato, even though her skin was wheatish this cold was bringing blood to her face and she didn't like it. Not one bit. Everyone will know she liked Abhay if she blushed like that! Just like she was doing now.

"You like him, don't you?"

Oh, bloody hell.

"No I don't," she lied calmly now, her hand itching to take a puff of her inhaler. She had to stay calm. Calm as a lake. Calm as the sunrise. Calm as a freaking saint who meditated under a tree for thousand years to gain spirituality.

"It's okay, you secret is safe with me!" he flashed her a grin that reminded her so much of Tarni. Just thinking of her brought the devil right in front of her eyes. There she stood on top of the staircase, waving at her in her sage green sweater.

"Sona! Where the fuck did you go?"

"Oh I just—" she cut herself out when she saw Abhay was beside his sister, his arms crossed as he looked at Sona with a peculiar gaze. Her stomach immediately dropped, all her nightmares flashing in front of her eyes.

She stammered through her words and grabbed the nearest thing to her that just so happened to be Aksith. "I-I am b-busy."

With that she dashed off the opposite direction, far, far away from Abhay and his hypnotizing dark eyes with the poor Aksith playing as a bait.

I have an exam in 15 minutes but hello

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