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Sona was reading all her text messages with 'Vedika', most of them were about her talking about Abhay. Her heart clenched as she locked the phone, tossing it on her bed. She needed to sort out her emotions. It had been three weeks.

"Bhai is bugging me again," Tarni slurped her coffee. "And yes, Aksith hasn't texted me once in these three weeks."

After Tarni blocked both the men on her phone it was her only they'd come after. Sona wasn't even surprised at their different reactions. She knew Abhay and Aksith would react that way.

"See," Tarni scrolled through her phone. "He is saying he always suspected Aksith was the reason you never got his letter and he was surprised that it was actually true."

Sona just rolled her eyes as she buried her face inside her pillow. She didn't know the last time she had washed her hair, it had started smelling awful.

"Damn, Sona," Tarni said. "You got two guys behind you. Who will you choose?"

"Who should I choose?" she turned towards her.

"Don't ask me," she snorted, taking another sip of her drink. "Ask yourself. I'll be biased towards bhai, of course."

"Please tell me of your bias," Sona bundled herself in her blanket, all ears to her best friend's coming rant.

"Okay. . . . " she furrowed her eyebrows. "See, obviously what bhai did was wrong. He shouldn't have not published the poem when he said he would. That's lying. But see, bhai is working to mend things with you. He was also very straightforward towards you about his feelings, unlike Aksith. Also you've known him from 25 years! More than Aksith! You've literally grown up with him. Of course there would be more trust in between both of you."

"Tarni," Sona rubbed her forehead. "That's not how trust comes, is it? It needs to be build and Abhay already broke it when he didn't listen to my wish when he said he would and the fact I got to know what he did it from someone else than him. I don't know. It hurt me a lot, Tarni."

"Yeah! Come on," she pouted. "What bhai did was half of what Aksith did. He stole the letter, Sona!"

"I don't know," she mumbled. "Tarni will you hate me for the fact if you knew that I was the one who pushed you when we were kids and you got hurt? But I was also the one who mended your wound? Of course, there is a scar left but it doesn't hurt that much when you don't think about it, does it? You'd feel angry maybe and then what? Will you never forgive me for my past mistakes?"

She pursed her lips, thinking. "I guess you are right there. Aksith hurt you in the past."

"Abhay is hurting me now," she shook her head. "H-He knows it was hard for me to trust him, even if it wasn't his fault in that but Aksith's. But he knew that and he still did something like that."

"What matters is who wouldn't hurt you in future."

"No," Sona said solemnly. "I will get hurt anyways, Tarni. Running away from Abhay has made me realise it, Aksith hurting me too has made me realise it. When I thought of choosing Aksith over Abhay I did it because he never hurt me and now I understand I will get hurt anyway."

"But Sona. . . ." Tarni shook her head. "Don't you think if Aksith wouldn't have taken the letter, things would be so much different?"

Sona gulped, her throat dry as she rested her head on her knees. "I thought so much about it. . . . ."

"Tarni, if Aksith wouldn't have taken the letter either do you think anything between me and Abhay would have progressed?" she softly whispered, her voice cracking. "He was in US! Do you think things would have changed? I was just 18 when I wrote it and if he wrote back I would have been so happy. Maybe I wouldn't cry for a week but then what? We'd do long distance? That wouldn't be any different than the situation now. He didn't try contacting me in any other way in the last 7 years when he thought I got the letter."

Tarni opened and closed her mouth but then decided against saying anything. She sighed. "What are you going to do then?"

"What should I do?" she mumbled to herself. "I don't know."

There was a knock on the door and Sona's dad peaked in. Tarni excused herself as he came in and sat beside his daughter. He looked tired too, just like Sona.

"What is this I am hearing from Abhay?" he asked with a nod. "Something happened in between him and Aksith? What? Are they fighting for you now?"

"No," she shook her head. "They aren't. Not really."

Her dad raised his eyebrow. "I hate seeing you cry, Sona. Especially for some boy."

"But they aren't just some boys na, Papa!" she defended. "Both of them are close to me. Abhay is my childhood friend and Aksith is my best friend."

"I am not letting any boy come inside our house until further notice," he said with a stern expression.

She chuckled, a real smile appearing on her face after three weeks. "Yes! Yes! No boys until further notice."

"What happened, Sona?" his expression crumbled again.

Sona pressed her lips into a lip, she started telling her dad about everything. About how hurt she was more than angry at Abhay and Aksith. About how she felt more sad than anything else at the outcome. She had realised that hurting was a part of love, that she had to face it either way. She finally understood her dad's previous words. She had to choose who she was willing to get hurt over, rather than thinking who wouldn't hurt her more.

"And Papa," she sighed. "Aksith was Vedika, you remember my online friend? He wasn't even trying to catfish me. He opened an account on that name in honour of his friend who had passed away from lung cancer when they were teens. And when we started talking we just connected, you know? Though afterwards he knew who I was he still remained silent about his identity."

"And he told you that?"

"Not really," she gave a bitter laugh. "But I am not so dumb, Papa. I know that because I was going through the conversations and I can see how they changed when he got to know I was Sona. He did talk to me about a Vedika in his life too. It's not that hard to piece things together, is it?"

"That boy is just hurting himself from his own actions," he dad sighed. "Sona, I don't want you to think it is your fault. Not at all. Even when it comes to Abhay. Their actions is not something you can control. If they do something because of you, you are not to blame."

"Papa," she rested her head on his shoulder. "I just feel so sad, Papa. Especially for Aksith. After everything he went through, why would he put himself in so much pain?"

"The fact he has been in so much pain," her dad started as he patted her head. "Is that making you feel you should forgive him soon?"

She bit her lip and nodded her head.

"Oh, paari," he sighed. "Don't be so soft hearted, he has betrayed you too."

"But I've already forgiven him in my heart," she cried out softly. "How can I hate Aksith, Papa? He's always been there for me not only when it came to my heartbreak with Abhay but everything else. He was always there when I needed someone."

Her dad frowned, his fingers rubbing through her scalp that made her feel relaxed. "Now that I think of it, I always doubted if you were dating but, I never asked thinking if you weren't, you might as well would start."

Sona bursted into laughter. "Now that I think about it too, we were always boyfriend and girlfriend who never kissed!"

"That's what happens when a guy is your best friend," he grunted.

"But it's same with Tarni too!" she cracked up. "In college there was a point when people thought we were dating!"

Her dad frowned at that too and she couldn't help the giggles that escaped her lips. Soon her dad joined her too. But when their laughter settled down it was all quiet again.

"What about Abhay then?" he asked her suddenly. Sona wasn't ready for that question.

"I don't know, Papa," she twisted her lips in perplexity. "He gave me so many butterflies when I was a teen. He was my muse and what not! I really loved him back then but he only used to see me as a sister. Even now, we act childish towards each other sometimes but Abhay forgets that I can make decisions for myself. He forgets that I am not the same Sona who would let herself get walked over."

"Papa, I don't think it's about my feelings anymore," she frowned, because all she felt was hurt now. "It's not about my feelings but I want to question both of them about theirs. Does Abhay only like me because I wrote him a love letter that moved his heart so much that he thought he was in love with me? Does Aksith still like me just because he is guilty for what he did and he knows he can't undo it?"

"Ahh. . . ." he nodded his head, not disagreeing with her crude words. "Both of them have a fair chance of mending their mistakes, Sona."

Tarni knocked on the door and peaked in, a smile on her face. "Can I join?"

Sona's dad laughed. "Trouble in paradise ?"

"No! No!" she said as she settled on the bean bag in front of them, a horrified expression on her face. "My love life is very much nice, okay! Shreyash is a total sweetheart! We talk everyday!"

"Good for you," Sona snorted, a sour expression on her face.

Tarni threw her a sheepish smile. She was munching on some baked chips, smacking her lips together she spoke, "Bhai wouldn't get a wink of sleep until he talks to you."

Sona sighed and stood up. "Where is he?"

"Tell him its better if I don't see him," her dad muttered angrily.

Tarni bursted into laughter, she stood up and with her masala covered finger she took Sona's wrist and pulled her outside.

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"What is it Abhay?"

Abhay looked at her, really looked at her. It was been too long still they saw each other and now that they were face-to-face, even if there was a wall in between them his eyes didn't leave her face.

"I-I just needed to see you. . . . " he mumbled. "Sona, are you okay?"

"No I am no," she truthfully said. "I am not okay."

"It's because of Aksith, isn't it?"

She sighed, almost sadly. "Yes, but that's not the only reason, Abhay! You did me wrong too and I hope you realise it."

He frowned, biting on his lower lip. "Sona. . . I didn't think you'd feel so hurt about it."

"I know," she said, "I know that. But Abhay, you need to realise na, I am not the Sona who would let you do anything. I know you probably thought it was okay to go back to your word because I wouldn't get angry at you."

He furrowed his eyebrows, his fist clenched. "I am sorry."

She sniffed, "What are you sorry for Abhay? Please think it through before you say those words again because the way you say sorry, it looks like you don't know what you are suppose to feel sorry about."

He opened and closed his mouth but Sona walked away from the wall of her garden, Tarni was on the phone and just as Sona entered her house she passed it to her, pressing it against her ear.

'Who?" she mouthed but then she heard his voice, she already knew who it was.

"Hey, Tarni."

"How long are you going to hide away?" Sona mumbled.

"Sona?" Aksith took a deep breathe. "Y-You? Isn't it—"

"Aksith," she said softly, "I am not blaming you Aksith, why do you blame yourself?"

"Sona, you are—"

"No, shut up," she cut him off. "I will talk and you listen. You need to listen to a lot of things."

"What do you think? That you took Abhay's chance from him? Aksith, if you wouldn't have taken it do you think Abhay would have flew from US to India just for me? No! And it's never like you tried taking his chance, you didn't tell me your feelings did you? Even now I got to know only because of the letter that you never intended to even give me!"

She took a deep breath, she could hear Aksith breathing too and she was happy for once he was listening to her by not interrupting. "And Aksith, I don't know how long will you drown yourself in guilt. Even now, if I will tell you that I like you, that I love you, you won't be ready to be with me because you are still living in the past. You need to move on from it, Aksith! I have and I don't hold any grunge on you. I don't want you to hold one against yourself either."

"Sona. . . " he only called out her name.

"You should forgive yourself Aksith. I have and maybe you should talk to Abhay and I am sure he will forgive you too."

With that she cut the call.

She knew now that she couldn't wait for the other person always. She had to make a move too. She had to start the conversation and communicate from her end to mend things, but for now she just wanted to be alone. For loving yourself was much pure love than loving another.

And the one person she was ready to get hurt over now was herself.

don't ask for an epilogue. i am not going to write one. yet.