"That's a wrap for today, boys! Let's take a break tomorrow it's Sunday- maybe have a family dinner night?," Deacy stands to pack his bass in its case, clicking the buckles closed as he offers us all an evening at his house.

"Yes, I'm in. The twins really want to visit," I respond immediately without thinking of filtering my words.

"You know they are welcomed in my home whenever they want. They don't ever have to wait or even ask permission," Deacy stares at me, seemingly a bit hurt.

"I don't mean to keep them away. They've just grown accustomed to their schedule. Anyway, we'll be there- what time?,"

"Say around 6 o'clock?,"

"That works," Brian nods with a smile.

"Yeah, for us too, but...we probably won't stay too long," Roger responds as he looks to Rose as if his eyes are asking if his reply is alright with her. I watch as she smiles back to him and clamps her hand around his in reassurance. I envy their love.

Looking away quickly, I clear my throat as I rustle through all the papers that lay out on and around the control boards. "I better get going, it's pretty late..."

"Just a moment, Freddie...can I talk to you for a bit...in private?," Roses question sends a terrifying fear through me. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm in trouble here.

"I'm going to head out with John- uh, we'll see you all tomorrow then," Brian says as he follows Deacy out the door.

"I'll take the girls out to the hall with nurse Dina and I'll bring the car out front," Roger looks just as taken back as I feel, as he walks out the door with Lily on his hip and Dina follows him as she holds Emmys hand.

Rose exhales deeply, as she relaxes her body, giving up the strong facade now that it's just the two of us. She seems so exhausted, I feel badly for making her feel the need to stay here even later just to talk with me.

"Come have a seat with me, Freddie. I'm too tired to talk louder than this," Her tone is like a whisper in the distance, the dark circles around her eyes are so deep set as she has them closed, waiting for me to sit down beside her on the couch.

I grab her hand in mine, stroking her knuckles with my thumb. "If you're too tired, it's fine dear. We can talk tomorrow at the dinner party..," I try my best to sooth her- her haggard breathing makes me worry.

"No, no- it's fine. It's about the dinner, actually. So it can't wait..," She opens her eyes now as she rests her head back on the couch and turns my way. I wait for her to continue as she slowly wets her blue tinted, dry lips with her tongue.

Her other hand grips tightly around my hand that still covers hers. "I know about Jim, Freddie...," I shut my eyes softly, feeling every ounce of guilt and shame hit me all at once.

"I'm sorry, Rose. Truly, I-I...,"

"Don't apologize.," She shakes her head slowly, rubbing my hand in comfort now. "You don't need to be sorry, Freddie. Cherie would want you to be happy and if Jim makes you happy- I completely understand. You don't need to hide it.."

Hearing her use Cherie's name in the same sentence with...with Jim's- It makes my chest tighten and want to cave into itself. I bite my lip, trying to keep myself together. Roses approval is the closest thing I have to the real thing. I just don't know...

"Bring him tomorrow- I'd love to meet him," She smiles warmly at me, I can see the immense sincerity in her eyes.

The truth is, Rose and I have grown to bond as brother and sister. Our relationship grew to a strong, unbreakable bond through our grief. She was always there at my bedside, trying to coax me out of bed in a different way than everybody else.

Her cancer wasn't really bad at all back then, and she would come over every day, sometimes even spend long nights with me. We would laugh and cry and mourn the loss that hit us both like a tsunami wave drowning us in the deepest depths of sorrow that we've ever known. She became the one I turned to, the one I leaned on- and I promised to do the same for her.

As her cancer progressed, I made sure to offer my support in any way I could think. I babysat when she had her double mastectomy, so that Roger could stay with her the entire time she was in the hospital. Mum and Kash and Ceci all helped me take care of all the kids. I sat by her side through her chemo sessions, brought her magazines and books to read together- even ventured out in search of the best tasting pot brownies I could find so the aches could be at least bearable.

She is the only one who could even come close to understanding my pain. She's the one who will help keep my memories alive. I need her here for as long as she can hold on. She's been in remission for a couple of months now, but every day is still not a sure path to being completely cured.

"I don't know, Rosie. Really...there was uh...Charlie saw Jim kiss me today at home- I don't know if I handled it all that well, but I had a long talk with her. She seemed to cheer up and understand, but I told her that Jim is just my friend. And he is. We're not official, though I think we're exclusive. I uh...well, we haven't even slept together in that way...I don't want anything serious..."

I feel my palm begin to sweat as I explain to her. I can't even meet her eyes for fear of judgement of her becoming suddenly angry with me.

"The children will learn to understand if that's what you're afraid of. Yes, they might act out or be upset, but that's just how it goes, Fred. You don't need to worry so much. You have to take care of you and let yourself be happy, too...They will be happy if they see that you are happy..."

She pats my hand and tries to push herself off of the couch. I get up fast and stand in front of her, letting her grab ahold of my shoulders as I lift her by hers. "Thanks," she mumbles shyly.

I place a kiss on her forehead when she stands to her feet. "That's what I'm here for," I smile down to her and she hooks her arm through the loop I offer to her, as we both walk out of the studio together.

——————————————————-

"Excuse me, Dina. I've got to take this-," I hand over Lily to Dina so she can hold her while I dig my ringing phone out of my pocket.

"I've got them, Mr. Taylor- Go on ahead," She replies as she sits in the back seat of the car with Emmy and Lily. I walk around to the front of the car, leaning on the hood.

I don't recognize the phone number that's lighting up the screen, but answer anyway. I always get so nervous to answer my phone these days. My number is marked as the first to call in the case of Roses treatments and test results. I've grown to be paranoid and on edge every time the damn thing rings.

"H-hello?,"

Instead of the voice of Roses doctor, I listen intently to the prerecorded message that plays in my ear.

"A collect call from the correctional facility is permitting to reach you at your permission. An inmate is attempting to call you by the name of 'Rog don't hang up! It's about the twins-please!!' If you would like to accept this call please press the pound key, if not you may now hang up"

What the hell? Why is Mary trying to call me? How did she get my cell phone number? And what the hell could she possibly know about twins?

All these questions along with the fear of doom knitting in my stomach is the reason why I pull my phone away from my ear. Following the instructions of the automated voice message I quickly press the pound key. A ringing noise plays back and moments later a click on the other line connects us.

"Mary- what the hell do you want? What do you know? What-,"

"We can't talk on here. Come visit me. And- Rog, please make sure it's soon. Tomorrow even. As fast as you can- I swear it's important! Come alone- don't tell Freddie... it's got to stay quiet for you to save them. The twins are in danger and the baby, too"

She hangs up and the line goes dead before I can even wrap my mind around what she just said. What the fuck is she playing at? I stand frozen, mouth ajar as my eyes scan the ground and my mind races with terror.

"What's a matter with you, love. You look like you've seen a ghost," Rose laughs as her and Freddie walk towards me now. It's so rare to hear her laugh sincerely, it's usually in the presence of Freddie these days that she lightens up so gracefully.

What do I do here? Do I tell him? What if Marys lying? But- what if she's not? What if she's telling the truth and if I tell freddie I could jeopardize whatever it is that she knows.

I have to go see her. I have to find out. Hopefully, this is all a sick ploy of hers, a way to get in contact with Freddie. Who would want to harm his children? And why?

———————————————————-

The entire ride home, I feel my head rushing with everything that Rose had said to me. I also put into perspective the way that Charlie reacted earlier. I don't know how to go about doing all of this in the right way. Is there even a right way at all?

I park in front of the house rather than inside the garage this time, Lily is asleep and it's easier to carry her straight up the entryway stairwell than all the way from the back of the house. I carry my sleeping girl in my arms into the quiet still of the house.

Everything is silent and I wonder if the twins have gone to bed. I don't immediately see Jim or even Ceci, but I know they must be some place here. They wouldn't leave the twins alone, especially not in the dead of night.

I place Lily in her spot on my bed and tuck her in, quickly kissing her forehead before leaving the room. I poke my head into Richie's room, he's fast asleep and snoring with his night light on and his window slightly open. I walk in to shut the window and bend down to kiss his head. "Goodnight, my prince."

Closing his door quietly, I proceed down the hall to Charlie's room. Her door is open just a crack and as I push it open more to fit through, I pause hoping she won't wake up with the doors creaking noise. She doesn't even stir as I glide closer to her bed. Peering down to her sleeping form, her eyes roam around behind her eyelids and I can only hope she's having a good dream. I place a kiss on her head, too and whisper goodnight.

Walking down the stairs towards the kitchen light, I happily walk down to see Jim. He's humming to himself and shaking his hips a bit. He's got my cooking apron on and he looks to be in a terrific mood. The sight instantly swells my heart up in adoration as I take the last step of the stairs. The clacking of my shoes give me away before I can admire him further.

"Oh, dear you're home! I wanted to surprise you with a hearty helping of a home cooked meal!," Jim's all smiles, his cheeks a bit pink as he sips from his wine glass and stirs the pot on the stove top.

"Ceci left a while ago after she put the kids to bed. I didn't want to upset them so I stood out in the garden until they were asleep."

"Mmm, smells good, thank you for ev-ery....thing-,"

He begins to nod his head, but looks back over his shoulder towards me when I freeze mid sentence. My voice drops to the tone of a cold and deadly whisper- I try to gulp down my words, but it's pretty hard when all you see is red.

"W-where did you get that?," I motion my head towards the same bouquet of red roses from earlier today. My vicious whisper should be lashing enough to wipe the smile from his face. The flowers are now snuggly stuffed into a single place, instead of the way I had arranged them this morning into two separate vases.

"Oh- I found it in your bedroom. I went in there to take a nap and It was just sitting empty on your nightstand, so I thought it was big enough-,"

"And who the fuck gave you permission to go into my bedroom?! Who said you could touch my things?!,"

Jim steps away from the stove, turning his full attention to me now as he shuts off the flame of the burners. His explanation flies out of his mouth as he walks to the bouquet and inspects them, as if the answer to my boiling rage will be found inside their petals.

"Freddie, what's wrong? Why are you upset? I saw the vase was empty and figured you had flowers in there before so I thought-,"

I go over to him and flip the flowers over, most of them falling to the floor and the ones that don't I pluck out quickly and throw them across the room.

"H-how could you?! Did you wash it out? Where's the top? Where's the- where's the lid?!,"

My body aches, my voice is trembling as every part of me feels likes it's been lit on fire. He didn't know. He couldn't know! I know that and it's clear to me!

But that doesn't stop me from the reigns of complete and utter blinding fury that explodes out of me. I begin to hyperventilate as I cradle the sacred vessel against my chest. Sobbing into the emptiness of it. I fall into the seat of the kitchen chair, destroying my precious thoughts of a possible happy beginning with him. How could he?!

He comes beside me, wrapping his big strong forceful arms around my body. I can't breathe or move. I can't do anything to push him away. I need his touch and his embrace, but I feel like a liar. I feel like this is sin, like I'm betraying her and our love and just everything!

"Freddie- shhh, I'm sorry. I- Why are you upset? Please, please tell me, love,"

I want to pull away from him. I want to yell in his face- no actually, I wouldn't mind smashing my fist into his unfairly beautiful, handsome face!!

"T-This is m-my...it was h-her...," I can't even get the words out. My throat constricts with the unbearable realization that I can't even be angry with him. But he didn't belong in my bedroom!!

"H-her urn...m-my...my wife's urn...," That's all I can manage. That's all that needs to be conveyed. His eyes widen in shock, I can tell that he truly is sorry by his look alone.

"Oh my god- Freddie! I-I-I I'm sorry!! I'm soooo truly and deeply sorry!," He holds me just as tightly as I hold the empty urn into my chest. If I could have fit myself inside with her, I swear to god I would have!

This isn't right! That's it. There's no way to make it right. I've answered my own question. He has to go- we can't- I'm not ready.

"P-please...just leave me...," I croak against his neck as he rubs the back of my head with a gentle hand.

"I'll leave for good if that's what you want, dear....but, I'm not leaving you right this instant...not when you're like this..."

That's the thing about Jim. This is why he confuses all of my thoughts and the set plan and guidelines I had mapped out for myself. I was never supposed to be close to anyone ever again. I knew I couldn't handle that. I didn't want to. I can't avoid the flashing memories that haunt my reverie.

But he understands. He tries. He's patient with me- he's kind and soft and gentle. He reminds me of her. So much.

———————————————-

"What the hell took you so long?! I've been parked out here for hours!" Thomas rolls his eyes as get into his squad car.

"Fuck off- you try dealing with that overly emotional fag."

"Jim- aren't you a fag? Isn't that some kind of offense- never mind I don't give a fuck," Thomas smirks at me as he pulls his phone from his pocket.

"I'm gay- I'm not a fag! That guy," I point to Freddie's bedroom window, "now, that guy, is a fag!"

"Shhh- shut up, he's calling for you. Here," Thomas hands me his burner phone. We get new ones once a week. I wait my turn to speak as our boss asks about my day.

"He's got no fucking idea! That's why I'm so brilliant. I even used his wife's damn urn as a flower vase!," I throw my head back and pull the phone away from my ear as I cackling loudly.

We're parked in the back of Garden Lodge, just behind the garden gates. I left as soon as Freddie stopped sobbing like a little bitch. He's always fucking crying- I don't see how he even had a wife! What woman could deal with such dramatics!?

"I need my next payment by tomorrow. This is getting too much to handle- he's not breaking as easily as you said he would!"

I listen quietly as the voice of the so called 'ring leader' instructs me with my next moves. He's very intuitive when it comes to most of Freddie's reactions- it's like he's been knowing the guy forever. I have to admit there are times when I do have real emotions with Freddie, but I'm here to do one job. And, we've just got intel that my mission is coming up- and fast. Someone is planning on speaking out, on telling the truth, on betraying our master plan.

"Like I said, if you want me to do that- I need my next pay day..."

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