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"There is no going back on this—we have to do it for Paul. It's what he would've w-,"

"I don't give a about Paul! I don't give a shot about what you have to say, either. I'm not doing it-," I try to interrupt him. To walk away and back down from this old deal. It isn't right. It isn't me anymore.

"You love him still, don't you? Hah...pathetic," His demented smile sizzled into my mind as his eyes widened with a fury that could only be described as the look of one deranged individual.

"If you don't want me to end him— you'll comply...," he urges, pulling out a piece of paper from his back pocket. I gulp at his threats...I know he means it. He's got nothing to lose now..

"Here," he points at the selected coordinates. "Go here and don't come back until you bring those little disgusting rats to me— hell, if you want I'll just kill Cherie for real this time and you can have your way with Bucky like you wanted..."

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Walking into the house, I find all to be quiet besides the low lull of music coming from the kitchen. As I peer beyond the doorway, I spot little Emmy strapped into her high chair, smashing her breakfast around, while Rose washes dishes at the sink.

Emmys shining, smiling face looks up at me and she waves her fork around, greeting me with a few syllables.

"Feddie! Fed-feddie!," She coos from her seat, giggling when I walk up to her to smother her cheeks with fast pecking kisses. "No-no," She giggles. "Unco! -Top it!,"

"Good morning, Fred," Rose turns the running water off, wiping her hands on a dish towel before coming over to give me a hug.

"How're you girls doing this morning? Ready for our fun little trip?," Emmy reaches claps her hands with a nod, reaching her arms up for me to pick her up.

I lift her from her seat as Rose cleans up the mess of scrambled egg bits from Emmys food tray.

"I just have to rush up to get dressed— can you watch her for a sec?," Rose calls over her shoulder as she takes up the staircase. She's moving better than she has been, that's for sure.

"What do you say, Em? Ready to go on an airplane—Ah, one moment, darling..," I place Emmy down to play with her toys in the living room to answer my phone from my pocket.

"Hello, Angel...did you just wake up?" Cherie's mumbled voice sounds so sleepy, though she denies just waking up at this time.

"Right...well, I'm just here with Brian— I-,"

"Yes— Roger. I meant to say Roger haha,"

It was at this moment that Emmy began to cry, at least reassuring Cherie of my whereabouts. I rush off the phone with her, "Gotta go now, darling. Little Emmy has made a mess— I'm watching her while Roger gets ready...,"

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"Where is Rog, by the way? Does he know...I mean did you tell him?," Freddie twiddles his thumbs nervously in the seat beside me as the small jet begins to ascend into the air.

I continue to rub Emmys back as she sleeps on my lap. "I don't have to tell him everything. I just said we were hanging out...he didn't even question further so I left it at that.," Getting up to put Emmy in her car seat in the seat across from us, I catch Freddie rolling his eyes.

"Yes, well he does have a big mouth, so let's keep it between us, hmm?,"

"Duh, weirdo. I think I know my own husband.."

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why Freddie wants to keep our little mission from Cherie. She's been acting much better than how she was when she first came back from the rehab center. She's actually been pretty upbeat and telling from that video the other day,...I'd say she's back to her old self again.

Once we arrive, we skip off the jet and into the waiting car that's parked in the regulated zone off the runway.

"So, how much longer until we're there?," I ask, anxiously awaiting the big reveal.

Freddie smirks are me, I can see the excitement in his eyes.

"Not long now, Rosie," is all he says as he shifts his focus to the landscapes that pass our windows.

I wish it wasn't so far away...

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I've been packing for as long as I can remember! Everything has to have its proper place and label and be weighted and it's just— ARGH!

I have no idea where Freddie has been all day long. It's no telling what he and Roger are getting up to, but I hope they're just settling the final arrangements for the tour.

God knows the two of them have been handling more than their fair share of stress. I now they'll have some fun nights to unwind on tour and to be really honest, I wouldn't mind loosening up a bit myself.

So far, I've got the entire house spick n spam. I still have some loads of laundry to do and I have to find a sitter for Oscar and Romeo. Everything feels like it's piling up all at once! I need some breathing room.

As I fold the clothes to be put into tight little rolled bundles to fit into the luggage wrinkle-free, I try my new deep breathing exercise. The damned trick never really works to settle me down, but it's either this or...

Fuck it!

One won't hurt.

And no ones here, anyway!

I reach over to my nightstand table and open the bottom drawer, moving some Knick knacks about until the half-empty pack is in my hand. Stepping over the pile of shoes that's stacked at the foot of the bed, I walk over to the balcony doors and push them open to step outside.

Peeling back the lid of the pack, I pull out my stress reliever flicking the flame of the lighter to inhale a deep, soothing inhale of smoke.

Ahhhh- that be-

"Cherie! We're back, dear!,"

Shit! shit! shit!

Quickly dying out the cherry of the cigarette on the balcony railing I toss it over the ledge, waving my arms about trying to waft the smell of smoke away from me. I run back into my bedroom to grab a bottle of perfume and spritz some around my neck and through my hair.

"Mummy?," Charlie comes into the doorway, she's holding her big overnight bag in her hands. "Mummy, how come it's empty? I want to go to Mama's house, too!," She stomps her foot, pouting her lip, giving her best puppy-dog eyes.

That look may work on Freddie every time, but I'm not that easy. Besides, she is going so there's no need for the attitude.

"Richie has his bag packed and not me. It's no fair, Mummy!"

"Charlie, Richie packed his own bag this morning. Maybe you should go on and do the same," I step around her in the doorway as she sighs and rolls her eyes, heading to her bedroom only to slam the door shut.

Yep— that's gonna be a problem.

"Sorry for the moodiness, Ceci. I hope she hasn't been this way all day...," I give a half-smile to Ceci as I walk downstairs to find her on the couch next to Lily and Richie.

"Oh, she's no trouble at all. I'm just happy to be able to spend time with them before you all go away," She nods, hugging Lily close to her side.

"That reminds me," I begin as sit beside them now. "Would you mind coming over to look after the cats while we're away? You'll be laid, of course! I just can't think of anyone else who'd be able to-,"

"Yes, that's alright, Cherie.," she agrees before standing to her feet. "I have to go now, but I'll come by tomorrow then to feed them,"

By the time I get all the kids to bed, I'm all packed and ready to go. We decided to bring the twins with us for a while, let them sight see and have the excitement of traveling with all of us while Lily is going to stay with Freddie's parents.

I know it's just my nerves getting the best of me, but I'm sort of reconsidering leaving Lily behind. I know she'll be safe with Jer and Bomi, but I don't know if it'll be too much worrying.

Finally done with the day, I go to the bathroom to wash up before bed. I hear the scuffing of Freddie's shoes against the floorboards, slowly dragging closer to the bathroom door.

"Darling, have you got everything ready to go?,"

Almost.

"Yes— hold on," I call back to him, remembering the one thing I forgot to pack.

Okay, so maybe it was on purpose.

I turn the sink faucet on completely using the flush of running water to sound proof the clattering of each spill of pills falling into the toilet.

I don't need them, I swear. I haven't even been taking them at all and I feel fine!

Flushing the toilet once, I quickly turn off the water and open the door. Freddie's already in bed, breathing deeply, slowly letting his eyes flutter open and shut before I reach to switch off the lights.

"You boys get everything finished up, then?," I ask as I crawl into my side of the bed.

"Of course, love. It's going to be fine, I don't want you to worry..," he pulls me to his chest, already cuddling his head on top of mine, sighing pleasantly.

It'll be fine, sure yes, I know that. I can handle not having another freak out. I'll be with him. And besides, I've been on a high of real emotions— I'm doing great! I feel like a brand new me. And that's how he'll see me for as long as I can help it.. as long he thinks I'm medicated.