I never was a 'popular' kid. I guess you could say I fit in for the most part. I was that quiet girl who sat in the front of the classroom, trying to learn what she could without being obnoxiously interrupted by rude kids.

most of the time I didn't say much. I would silently sit there during heated conversations and watch. the insults thrown at one another was kind of fascinating to me. how could a person be this cruel to another person? why would you want to?

around 5th grade, I became more of a bystander. I was pretty shy and I didn't stand up for anyone. kids were immature, and anything you say could be used against you.

Once I got to middle school, things were the same but now I wasn't exactly a bystander. I had my own little group of friends and It was basically a game of follow the leader. it was great and all, but I wasn't as close with my friends as I thought.

at sleepovers we would gossip, (as one does with a group of middle school girls) and share secrets. if you weren't there, you would never know the secrets. if you were there and you told somebody you would be shunned.

during sleepovers wasn't the only time that we said things. I found out that some of the things that were being said were about me. apparently, I was annoying, I tried to hard to fit in with them, etc. I really did try hard to make myself fit in. it stung when I found out what they really thought.

my friends would play it off and say that I heard wrong, or that they were just mad at me at the time. mad at me for what? that's what I would say to myself. some nights I would cry myself to sleep, wondering why they hated me so much. all I ever did was be nice to them.

I would love to say that I removed myself from this group of people, but I haven't. I'm just afraid that if I sever the ties of our friendship, I will be all alone and it could become worse. it is also one of those situations, if you try to tell somebody about what somebody else said, it sounds silly or stupid. it is also really easy for the person you are telling an adult about to deny any and all accusations.

I do have a wattpad and if any of you have advice, could you maybe leave it in the comments for me to check? thanks a ton for taking the time to read my story.