I'm almost 40 and writing about what happened to me as a teenager is making me feel sick to my stomach. The only reason I'm doing it at all is so that maybe someone who is going through this or something similar will recognize that it isn't ok and hopefully ask for help.

I was 14 the first time I had sex. I really thought he liked me. He was 23 and after word got out (thanks to my "best" friend) he denied that it had happened and told people that I was crazy and a liar. I was crushed and even my "best" friend had turned on me. I had no one to talk to. No one to help me realize that I was looking for love and acceptance in sex because I didn't feel loved at home.

Even though I was a crazy liar, I was also a whore. Since I was a whore, it was ok for people to pressure me into sex. The pressure didn't come only from the boys who wanted sex, it also came from my "friends" who told me that I had to do that so the guy would buy us alcohol or sneak us into the club.

I hated myself most of the time, but I still really thought that if I just had sex with him, he'd like me. He'd want to be with me. He would love and appreciate me, make me feel special. It never happened but time and time again I was told that I'd better be good at it or that I had to do it or else.

At school I was called a whore, a slut, I was accused of trying to sleep with everyone's boyfriends.

My life was a never ending hell for 4 years. Home was awful, school was awful and even time with my "friends" was awful. I hated myself and everyone around me. I felt like I was being raped over and over again, but because I had gone along with things even though I didn't want to and even though I was still really a kid, it wasn't considered rape.

I was bullied into sex a few times a week and I was bullied for having sex every day. None of those people are in my life now, none of those men and boys ever loved me (probably didn't even like me), and no one ever protected me from any of it.

I hope that if anyone is going through anything even remotely similar, you can take a step back and know that you are worthy, you are good enough, you will be loved one day by someone who never asks you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. Those people are not your friends, those people are not the answer. You can even get anonymous counseling online now, so there is nothing to fear.