Physical bullying, teasing, name calling and a bit of cyber bullying.

Started when I was in grade 3, so it started when I was 8.

My best friends. And then they eventually influenced my classmates. Those who saw, didn't do anything.

Numb. Emotional. Scared. Angry. Worthless. Lonely. Stupid. The list goes on. When the bullying initially started, I took it so lightheartedly. The one who started it was my best, best friend at the time. I figured out years later that she was the jealous type and didn't like that I was hanging out with our other friends more than her. She slapped me on the face incredibly hard. Then when my two other friends saw her do it, they did it too. They slapped me again and again and yet, I continued to hang out with them because I had no one else. They'd call me so much names, such as stupid, because they were at the top of class while I was at the bottom. They'd throw my lunch box around, the older sister of bully 1, spit on my hair and started naming all the disgusting food she ate within the day, bully 1 would get my headband and put it on her belly, bully 2 and 3 would slap me for not knowing/doing things. Bully 2 would even slap me for not crying at the last day of school because she thought I was being insensitive for not crying, thinking that if I don't cry, I wouldn't miss them. The farthest they'd go to hurt me was when bully 1 would punch me in the stomach and had my entire 3rd grade class go against me by spreading a rumor that I pushed her down the rocks. (The truth is, I ran from her and she couldn't catch up. She slipped and fell on the rocks and cried.)

Lots more happened after grade 3 but I don't feel like typing it in anymore. Basically, I still considered bully 3 as my friend after that but she'd still slap me incredibly hard from time to time because she was very impatient and didn't like how stupid I was. But I'd always laugh it off and stick around because other than that, we had no problems and I had fun with her. For the cyber bullying part I mentioned before, during grade 4, she had some of my classmates start calling me weirdo/Queen of the weirdos in person and on Facebook. (I'm not affected anymore by being called weirdo because I take it in stride now, f*** yeah I'm weird and I'm cool with that)

The exact same emotions I felt while being bullied.

While I was being bullied, no. I told my friends about it during first year high school. Two of them, I feel like, didn't even listen to me, but only one of them actually listened and asked questions.

Because I knew it didn't matter, and I was right. No one cares and neither should I because it's in my past, but I'm still reminded every day of it and it feels like the broken pieces of my heart are being stepped on again.

Grade 3 to 6.

Yes/no. My friends now, they remind me too much of my friend-turned bullies. Bully 1 reminds me of my friend who listens well. Her flaw that reminds me of bully 1 is that she's violent, but I still forgive her and understand her. She doesn't know that when she slapped me on my face for the first time, I relapsed. Bully 2 reminds me of another one of my friends. Both of them are dancers and both of them are like the ones influenced to give me the same treatment. My friend calls me names but all I do once again is laugh it off and pretend I'm not affected at all. She also hits me but on my arms, and she only pretends to hit me on the face. And the worst of them all is bully 3 because she's the one who I grew attached with the most; the girl who abandoned me. She reminds me of my other friend because I was/am attached to both. They're the ones who I thought wouldn't hurt me but did. My friend hit slapped me on the face for the first time a little over a month ago. Both bully 3 and friend 3 are alike also because we argue a lot.

The only difference with then and now is that I fight back. When they hit me, I hit back harder. Treat them how they treat you is my motto.

Bully 3 is my classmate again and we have an unbearable tension between us. I hate how affected I still feel when I see her and the others. I hate how I can't let go. I hate myself. I hate my school. And there's nothing I can do.

#nomorebullying