I am a girl who is a follower of Jesus and to hide my name just call me Sam.Today I am 17 years old. I was bullied ever since elementary. Emotionally, physically, and even mentally. Sadly this has cause me to deal with some health issues or mental, which I now have anxiety, paranoia, I am claustrophobic, and I now have an issue with anything that is sticky.

At the age of five I made friends with a girl who was my next door neighbor, this neighbor was a 1 1/2 yrs older then me and her cousin taught her something in the sexual department as well as how to stand up for yourself and take what you want. She always was never that good of a friend and for a little girl and a potty mouth. She use to come over and push me around and call me a skinny little nobody. Finally her mom caught on and was telling her right, but by then its been on two or three months so not that very long of me knowing her. Yet she still would associate with her cousin and her cousin taught or showed her something on sexual department and she believe I'd be up for it. I wasn't found of the ideas and what turned to me trying it at first turned to me stopping but getting forced to anyway. Its a reason why you can say i hate barbies because that's how my neighbor would always start it off, make me know when she'd want to try or do something by bring all the girl barbies out and making them do things to one another and saying she'd want to do that. She'd do it so frequently that not only did I expect it to happen but I also had gotten use to it. Then slowly to the point where I almost got to thinking this is okay then no one is here to stop us. My mom was told by my brother who saw her kiss me and ran up to me with a broom and just hit me on the mouth with it. She had caused me to bleed from my bottom lip as I bit into it when i got the blow and she called my neighbors mother and and discussed what happened. I was then in the 4th grade i believe so. So after that i didn't talk to her.

Then when the age 7 came around i was with a closer friend who wasn't like my neighbor and we had gone to the park. She had to go home eventually and he brother came to pick her up. My mom said she'd pick me up from there so i stayed and waited. As i was waiting a boy who seemed to be in his age at 14 came along and gave me company. Either way to make this short what I assumed to be a new friend became a monster to me very quickly over a game on tag. What was me being chased to be it caused for me to be panicked and scared and while he couldn't fit a tubed slide I was climbing up to get away I slipped and fell down to where he was at the bottom. He knocked me out and i woken with a pain like nothing before and blood and my mother screaming at me. My family and most friends don't even know of these two situations.

At school I was being made fun of for being the "nerd". I'd get student of the month awards, a honor roll and talked to mostly the teachers and never (in my opinion) had a mean or bad teacher. Then I remember there was this boy who'd call me pizza girl, obviously he was referring to my acne and i called him pizza boy. As it went one i one day had said "hey pizza boy let me see your pizza pie" he had told everyone i had said "hey pizza boy let me see you penis" i was made fun of and ignored him and apologized. I was pushed around and one time tricked into a game where you push one onto a bench and the other push someone on them and see how many people it will take till it falls to a side or the person can't take it any more. Either way i went first and I was pushed onto the end of the bench (and i had a heart condition that would make me need a little heart monitor to send a shock through me chest when ever i became light head or out of breath and basically my heart would stop at random times wether it'd be days apart or weeks or months maybe even seconds and I'd be robo girl) they had pushed me to where my back well hit the edge of the bench and I'd lose my breath but that little push caused my heart to go throw its little episode. I couldn't move, I'm out of breathe, and i black out. When i come to a yard duty had stopped giving me cpr and i was sent home for a few days. My heart issue had gone away as years went by and i didn't have to take it to school no more. (I still have that l little box and writes and pads for my chest that i had to wear, its in the garage.) Anywho it came to a time where i had to wear glasses and instead of robo girl I became four eyes (plus being in the state with a heart condition as a kid i wasn't able to do some things that kids loved to do and i couldn't handle the emotion of excitement as it'd cause me to be lose of breathe and my chest to be pained and redden and I'd gain weight which left me to being called called Fat Alberts BIG sister even though i was only chunky).

As that was happening during school i had to deal with an alcoholic abusive mother at home. She'd only really drink at family parties as she'd take it to get advantage and drink profusely at them. But even then she'd find someone to yell at and scream at. My dad didn't know she'd abuse me though. No one really did. They just thought i was really weird or immune to the heat at Merced in California when I'd where pants and long sleeves (summers would be 98 Fahrenheit sometimes even 109). Then with my dads work we'd move from the valley to the coast down south in Oxnard. Back in forth from every 6months. My dad had stopped taking us when i reached fifth grade and he still continued to go as it was his job and my mother had taken to drinking as her company and friend for when she was lonely. She has almost thrown me out in the streets several of times but has never done so truely. She stopped though. The drinking and abusiveness when my older sibiling had his child as well as my sister and we moved to the coast near them and family. But when she stopped i was in the beginning of the middles in freshman year (9th grade) in highschool then in the end of freshmen year i moved to the coast. When i got here i made friends and even got a girl friend, little did i know that was a mistake, in the relationship she'd only want to kiss or do things and i wasn't okay with that and broke it off and later on i gotten with someone else who ended up like her expect male. And my ex became bully #1 there and a week later of dating him and breaking it off he never helped or talked to me. I was under the influence that day and he decided that it was okay to make me give him a bj(for those who don't know what that abbreviation stands for it is blow job) and he told a friend i was good and loved it, even thought i didn't remember it till three days later, and his friend told everyone that i was giving for free so i had my friends helping me while the guy was out with other girls and cheating on them while my bully(my ex) was out putting hate on me. It had gotten so bad i decided to start to cut myself everytime i go into the showers and use a razor on my thighs. I still have those scars till this day and I'm a senior and that was sophomore year. My parents found out and helped me with it and i stopped the end of my sophomore year with cutting and haven't since then. I don't get bullied as as much as when i was in sophomore and younger. Its now very rarely i do and even when i do i tell them that it doesn't matter and that they should find something better to do. Cause you never know when something you say can cause someone to want to take there lives. And once they do you have that guilt of knowing you could've stopped and may be actually gotten to know them and become a friend with them instead of hating on them because others are or for just rumors you heard. It's complete nonsense how clueless some people are to that now a days. I should know, because of the people who bullied me i once thought of death. I even tried to kill myself once. Well...more then once. I've almost overdosed once but was taken to the hospital. I tried to hang myself but a friend cut the rope when she found me. I tried getting run over and once even cutting my throat. But someone has always been there to stop me. Once even my own bully stopped me. From there on he became one of my best friends and still is to this day and he changed and I'm glad because he is honestly a more happier and vibrant person today. So this is my story, today I am still facing with slight depression but not nearly as any where to where i was before (thank god) and i am more involved with school and family and friends. I even have a bf who i am glad to have as my longest relationship and hopefully will keep it going and also will happily help others who are going through what i did and your family friends and maybe even some strangers can help too. There is hope so please keep strong and don't make any hasty decisions. Good bye for now.