It started kindergarten when I was 4 because my preschool teachers thought I was ready. I wasn't. The other kids didn't like me and use to tell the teacher I hit them and tried to get me in trouble.

There was this girl she was really nice and we soon became friends but she use to let me cheat off her work so that just caused me to redo kindergarten

I met 2 other girls. Bully1 and bully2 they use to always make fun of me but I laughed with them. Then in 2nd grade we were in different classes so that was when I realized they had been bullying me.

I had always been a happy child no matter what other kids did I always had a smile. But I started to feel dumb everyone in my class was reading chapter books and I couldn't read 2 sentences. But thanks to my miracle teacher I learned so much that year and I think I wouldn't have my love for reading today if it wasn't for her.

My mom and dad divorce when I was 3 so that never bothered me since I was young but I went to his house every other weekend and have fun with my dads side of the family. And the weekend I wasn't with him there was my 2 cousins.

They were sisters one was my age and the other 3 years older. She was always making fun of me. Sometimes even physical hurt. she Called me stupid, ugly, weak, cry baby and she would turn her sister against me and leave me out. I would either cry or try and join in on them even though they were leaving me out. But that was the bad side of my cousins. I had always had so much fun with them. So I didn't care.

Now 3rd grade a lot happen that year. Almost all the people I knew changed schools because a school had closed down and the kids there were Going to my school.

On the first day I met this girl. We were both shy but we became close friends. With out her I wouldn't have been the crazy, weird, goofy, outgoing girl I use to be.

That school excepted us for being weird because everyone was. I felt happy and like no one was Judging me.

Then there was another girl. I felt like she was trying to take my friend away from me but I stayed calm and we became 3 best friends. She wasn't as crazy, weird and goofy like us but she was still amazing. Then I got depression. I never smiled and wanted to cry often over nothing. I just felt sad. But they helped me without even knowing.

I also had gotten in a fight huge with my older cousin. To this day we still hardly talk to each other. I forgive her for what she did to me, I miss her but she claims to hate me yet last time I saw she acted like my best friend again.

Now it's almost time for school start again. (If this gets into the book it probably will be the middle of the year) im going into middle school and I'm scared. I have locked myself away in my room the entire summer. I have started getting anxiety attacks around people. I'm scared to go back back especially since now I have glasses and there are going to be so much more kids I don't know.

Also remember that first girl I met in 3rd grade? I have a crush on her. Im bi I try to deny it in my head but it just gives me a headache.

To make things even more worse my mom has been getting mad me a lot and constantly yelling. My dads side of the family is saying I'm lazy, fat, always on my phone. And there my FAMILY. And Most of my friends have been ignoring me.

I want to die. I want to run away to my Internet friends most all. But I just don't want to live. I don't want to feel sadness anymore. But I know it would be selfish to the people who do care. The bullying by my family changed me a lot. I felt like I needed to change since they were my family. But it just made me more sad and they never stopped saying things no matter how hard I tried to change. Most of the time I would tell myself I was worthless, useless, fat, ugly in my head. I still feel that way but my internet friends aka my best friends make feel like there's still hope.

Sorry if this was not all about bullying but here is my story and I'm scared it's not over. I didn't do this for attention just so that someone knows

How do I stop wanting to cut and calling myself worthless?