Hey there  This is gonna be really REALLY long, so sorry about that :P I was bullied by my (wait for it) church group. Yes, that's right. Pretty ironic isn't it? It all started at the age of 4. I was never really a girly child. I liked to play with the boys a lot and almost never wore skirts. I had a few female friends, but not many. I was extremely happy with whom I was, but apparently to the other girls in my church, that was a bad thing. You see, my only female friends were kids at school, or my family members. At church, I had no female friends what so ever. I didn't care, until that one day. At my church, they use the basement as a Sunday school, (they keep all the kids from 5 months to 11 years old in there), while all the adults had their service upstairs.

I had to use the bathroom, so I told one of the teachers I had to go. She said to hold it in, as the service was almost over and the parents would come to pick up their kids soon. I was an obedient child, so I nodded and tried to hold it in. It wasn't hard, it wasn't an emergency. One of the girls tapped my shoulder. I turned around and she immediately threw one of her crayons at me, it hit me in the eye. I was so shocked that I peed my pants on the spot. They all laughed, and I started to cry. One of the teachers went to get my mom and I stayed with her and the adults until the end of the service.

Ever since then, the girls would call be a boy, ugly, etc, They would throw their things at me. Because of this, I always hung around the boys. They would always hug me when they were being mean, sometimes they confronted them. They would always share their toys with me and make me laugh. The girls were always so viscous, but the boys were so kind. That's probably one of the reasons why I'm still a tomboy to this day. As I grew older, the same girls bullied me every Sunday. The boys were always still kind to me. But as we all got older, the girls got a bit more... offensive.

You see, when I turned 8, a lot of the kids started cursing. I never did, because I didn't want to get in trouble. One of the girls (whom I'm going to call BULLY1) had been bullying me the most out of all the girls. BULLY1 had shiny black hair, perfect tan skin, not one zit on her face. Her family was a lot wealthier than everyone else. Pretty much every girl there loved her. And for some reason, she hated my guts. She would make fun of my hair, my skin, my clothes, everything. Even when my guy friends confronted her, she still wouldn't leave me alone. One day, she walked up to me and asked me, "Why don't you curse?" I told her "because I don't like to". Then she called me a pussy, and said that I'm weak and helpless. I calmly told her to stop. She told me to curse. I refused. So she cursed me out, in front of everyone. She said that I showed that woman are helpless, and that I was a shame to all females, which makes no sense WHAT SO EVER!! All the other girls laughed, the teachers didn't care. My best friend (who is still my best friend today, and I'm going to call him FRIEND1) let me sit with him and his friends. FRIEND1 told me to ignore her, and if she was ever bothering me to come to him and his friends. That made me feel a lot better.

But, I refused to tell him something. BULLY1 also went to my school. There was no escaping her. She bullied me in the morning, in the halls, during lunch, on the playground, etc. It was as if everywhere I went, she was there. Once, she got a whole bunch of girls to wait for me at the bathroom. When I walked in, they would all yell at me, pull my hair, insult me, and stuff like that.

As I grew up, I began to hate girls. I stopped wearing skirts in general. I started to listen to a whole bunch of rock music (which I still listen to) Like Green day, My Chemical Romance, Fall out boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty one pilots, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping with sirens, etc. I wore a lot of black, which is my favorite color. I obviously wasn't emo or anything like that. But lot people thought I was emo. I was distant with the girls at my school, and my female family members. I always ran home from school or church crying my eyes out. It got so bad that I dreaded going to church every Sunday.

Also, my parents are extremely religious. They take Christianity very VERY seriously. I never told my parents about the bullying. So when I told them I didn't want to go to church, they assumed I didn't care about god, when I actually did. I loved (and still love) Jesus with all my heart and soul. My parents were always hard on me. I got punished for almost everything I did. Since the bullying was affecting my grades, I was punished for that too. Some of the boys at my church (and school) were mean to me too. It happened so suddenly. One day they were my friend, the next they hated my guts. FRIEND1 was still there, but I only saw him at church, which was only once a week.

When I was 10 years old, April 6th 2012, in the middle of recess, BULLY1 walked up to me. She pulled me by my hair and threw me down. She beat me up in front of everybody. Everyone laughed, not one person felt bad for me. The teachers didn't do anything about it. I lost all my friends that day. I came home with a whole bunch of bruises. My parents asked me what happened. I told them I was taking to someone and I fell down the stairs. Then I got a lecture on why I should pay attention, and they sent me to my room. I had nowhere to turn too.

That night, I began to cut myself. Three simple cuts on my wrist. It felt so good to take out all that anger and pain on myself. The next day, I wore a large black hoodie, so no one would notice my cuts. That night, I cut again. And the day after that, and the day after that. Soon, I cut on a daily basis, all at age 10 (That's not a good btw). I knew it was bad, I knew I had to stop. But I couldn't. It was like I was addicted, like it had some sort of mind control over me.

One day, I was sitting with FRIEND1 at Church. The girls were talking about me behind my back, there was this rumor going on that I stuffed my bra. I had been really quiet lately, and he noticed. I wore a whole bunch of bracelets to cover my cuts. I picked up my hand to scratch my eye and one of my bracelets slid down a bit. I didn't notice. That's when his eyes widened. I was confused at first but then I noticed my bracelet. You could see one of my cuts clearly. He started to tear up, and I saw him cry for the first time. He hugged me, and told me something horrifying.

His father found another job, and he was moving to Florida. I started to cry too. The only person that truly cared for me was moving away. And a month later he did. I was all alone. I had no friends, my parents didn't treat me right, and all of my other family members were either dead, far away, or hated me.

On July 3rd 2012, I had my first and only suicide attempt. I grabbed one my dad's belts, and tied it to the coat hanger on my door. I stood on a chair and was about to tie the belt around my neck. Than my mom opened the door and I slipped, and fell on my butt. My mom's eyes widened when she realized what I was doing. She found out I was cutting and he told my father. They grounded me for 5 whole months. I never forgot that night.

Then, 5th grade came. And my life turned around

Everyone still hated me. During lunch I sat in my usual table, all the way in the back, all by myself. There was this girl, whom I'm going to call GIRL1. She was good friends with BULLY1, and was really popular. She was never mean to me, but we never interacted either. She walked over and sat down next to me. "Why are you sitting all by yourself?" She asked. I ignored her, since I didn't like girls. Then BULLY1 came over and sat her butt right next to mine.

"Why are you sitting with her?" she sneered. I pretended that no one was even there, and continued eating my lunch. "I just wanna be nice, she's always all alone" GIRL1 said. I stopped and stared at her. She was the first female to ever be nice to me in so long. BULLY1 just laughed. "Why would you wanna be friend with her? She's emo. She likes rock music and weird stuff". She gasped "I love rock!" We both looked at her with wide eyes. "Do you listen to Fall Out Boy?" she asked me. And for the first time in years, I smiled.

We ended up talking the whole lunch period, right in front of BULLY1. Soon, she introduced me to some of her friends. They didn't like me at first, but soon they started to warm up to me. I got the guts to start talking to the guys again. They were annoyed with me at first, but then they started to like me, after I won a dodgeball game in gym. By January, I had all my friends back, and I was extremely popular. When I say 'popular' I mean a whole bunch of kids knew me, although I usually hung out with the guys. GIRL1 and I are best friends now.

On January 20th 2014, I stopped cutting

Soon, I started 6th grade. I got into an honors school. I made a whole bunch of new friends, and I'm close with a lot of girls, although I'm closer with the guys. I made a new best friend, whom I'm gonna call FRIEND2 (I have like 4 best friends ok xD). He's amazing, and is like a brother to me. He's the only one at my school who knows about my past. He also went through a few hard things himself, but he trusts me and I trust him.

I'm currently in 7th grade. There's this rumor going on saying that me and FRIEND2 like each other. We don't really care tbh, we just ignore it.

GIRL1 ended up going to my school, we're still besties

Me and FRIEND1 are still in contact. We skype every day, and he's glad I'm ok again. We're actually planning on meeting up in a few days. We're most likely just gonna go to Starbucks and watch movies all day

As for BULLY1, all the girls get mad at her when she's mean to me. And she had to repeat 5th grade because of her bullying me. She doesn't bother messing with my anymore

My name is Gabby, also known as @radio_aktive on wattpad. Sorry it was so long, but that's my story  I was no longer the so called emo girl who everyone hated. I'm free to be me. This all sounds like some made up fairy tale, but I promise you it is not. Everything is 100% true. Just remember, it's ok to be sad. But never let hate get the nest of you. Keep your head held high, and good things will come your way

XOXO- Gabby