[sorry, it's really long]

My dad loves everything about architecture. He draws buildings as a second job, and he has built the house I am currently living in.

When I finished first grade, my dad decided he wanted to build another house that had recently been burnt down (well, only the rooms inside and the roof, but the outside walls of the house remained) so him and his best mate decided to rebuild the house. Across the road from that house, was a public primary school.

My parents thought that was great! My sister and I wouldn't need to be picked up from school or dropped off. For me, I was thinking: "Great! New friends!" while my sister was super upset because the place we were at before then was where we had been for the whole of our life's, friendships were made and so on.

Anyways, I was going into grade 2 and my sister was going to be in grade 6 at this new school.

I remember my first day, the teacher welcomed me and introduced me to the students. "Welcome [my name]!" She talked to the students for a couple minutes about making me feel safe and include me and blah blah. Then, something that has changed my life forever: she asked who would like to show me around the school.

A couple hands shot up, and Miss chose a girl next to me with wavy light brown hair, a confident posture and an Australian flag temporary tattoo fading on her cheek (it had been Australia day the previous week I think). I'll call her 'Friend0'.

So, Friend0 and I became really close friends, and she was popular in our grade - little did I know she was like a mini Queen Bee. Being with her, my confidence and sassiness grew while my manners starting fading. I was no longer the innocent, good girl angel.

Let me remind you, I was only seven (not yet turned eight) and she was eight.

Fast forward into the year, we both found out what sex was. We would swear. She lived with her nan and her deaf great-grandma, and both of them smoked. One day she gave me a cigarette and lit it, letting me have a smoke. I inhaled it (however you say it) and then a coughing fit. She rolled her eyes and took it off of me, having it to herself. I felt weak then, because she had it when I didn't.

Another thing is, she lived next to the woods and a playground. We would meet older teenagers in the park sometimes wearing skimpy (yes, bras, tiny skirts, underwear etc etc) clothes. We would also sneak out of her house at midnight and go in the woods, one time we got lost and only returned back to her house at 4am. I was terrified that night. She had also sexually touched me (I am a girl too), but I 1- allowed it because I did anything she wanted, I was like her lap dog and 2- I didn't realise it was wrong.

Like I said, she was Queen Bee so she would bully people. Me being her friend, I did as well. I shows how different I was before I met her though because when it was my second week at school, she was away so I hung out on the field with my sister.

My sister has a unisex name, but it is mainly known as a boys name, and she got bullied because of that. This day when I was with her, a boy came up to her and started rhyming her name with food, I'm just going to do an example: "Hey Skye Scone! Gimmie a scone will yah? I want to buy a scone Skye Scone!"

You know, something stupid like that. Now just picture this: A seven year old girl marching up to a twelve year old boy, jumping up to hit him on the chest and yelling at him: "Never call my sister that again you jerkface! I swear I will hunt you down and kick your skinny butt if you ever call her that again!"

He was completely unfazed, just laughed at me and walked away. Still, he walked away so it was fine.

Another time was when girls in my grade (not my friends, but another group of nasty girls) ganged up on my sister - who was in sixth grade! - and made her run to the toilet crying. I yelled at them (I can't remember what I said) and I ran after my sister and got into the locked cubical with her, hugging her while she cried. I can't remember what they said to her either.

Okay. Now that is half of the story done. Sorta. After grade two, I moved to a private Christian school and I am so happy I did. I made new friends and my manners started coming back.

I has a best friend, I'll call her Friend1, and she seemed like an angel compared to Friend0. But again, it all happened when we reached grade 4 (only a year later).

You know how it's a cliché move for boys to make fun of girls to get their attention? Well it's like this popped up in the head of Friend1 to do, so instead of the boys laughing at us, it was her and I. But, she didn't stop there. She punched, kicked, pinched, tickled, clawed, barked and hissed (she believed to be part dog and cat..) at them and so on. Again, me being her friend, I was copied her actions and helped bully people.

I was the bully. My sister who repeated grade 6, so was now in grade 7, was still getting bullied. The school is a collage so it goes from preschool to when you graduate, so my sister and I were at the same school.

Now as Friend1 and I grew, our nails grew longer, making the boys bleed. Our punches and kicks got harder, leaving bruises. Our insults got more offensive.

We were mentally, emotionally and physically bully them. The worst part was that they were our friends and best friends, and they still all stuck around. I was such a bitch. I truly hate what I did.

I am going to now skip to grade 7. In grade 6, Friend1 found out she was going to leave the school and move to a Catholic school only 20 minutes away. I was devastated then, knowing our relationship would probably break off. But now, as rude as it sounds, I am so glad she moved.

As soon as grade seven rolled around and she was gone, all the bullying and abuse stopped. Well, the bullying and abuse I caused did. And I feel so so guilty for everything I did.

The worst part is all of my friends (the boys) forgave me. All of them. They all said it was alright, even though I knew what I did was defiantly not alright. Some has scars from the scratching Friend1 and I did, but all of them have scars emotionally. I know that.

One boy, I'll call him Boy1, got the worst out of everyone. He continually got bullied by Friend1 and I, but not just us. A lot of people in all different grades to. It's a bit unbelievable though, because his mum is a teacher in the primary part of the school.

I think it was the first day of grade 7, and he was limping from all the kicks he took and he had multiple small scars on his arms. He was so strong. Even though he was the one who took all he abuse, I was the one who broke down crying.

I apologised to him probably more them a hundred times that day, and nearly every day of that year. He kept saying it was fine, and he forgives me. He would give me hugs because I just don't understand how he can forgive me.

I also cried because he trusts me with secrets and so on, and halfway through the year he told me he was going to call a teen helpline because he was feeling depressed from his dad always yelling at him and saying how stupid and useless he is.

I hugged him, but I know nothing can repay for what I had done.

Anyway, now back to the present we are still friends and Friend1 and I haven't seen each other for ages. But, I want to say to everyone who reads this: I am so so so so sorry. I was an ass, I guess you could say I still am because it's a part of me, and I.. feel awful. And I guess that's what I deserve - and more of course.

I am so sorry to everyone that has been bullied.