When I was in year 1 (I live in Australia so the schooling system might be different), our class had a 'buddy class', which was another year one class. Sometimes the classes would combine to do work, etc.

So every time we combined, this girl called Bully1 would sit next to me. I found it kind of annoying, but I shook it off. We never really talked to each other.

Then, in year 2, we were in the same class. My teacher had a seating plan and she put us next to each other. I discovered that we got along really well and we had a lot in common. We had the same sense of humour, so we laughed a lot. We would make weird noises and then laugh, or just laugh at nothing at all. She also did weird things like dance around for no reason. I'm pretty sure we were labelled as weird and annoying.

So yeah, year 2 was fine, nothing bad happened. Then came year 3. We were in the same class again, still doing random things that were labelled as 'weird' by other kids. She was worse than me, so she didn't have any friends other than me. I had a few friends but I didn't play with them at break. It was just me and Bully1.

She started pressuring me into doing things that I wouldn't have usually done. For example, there was a new girl in our class part way through the year (we'll call her M) and M had a lot of sass towards the teacher and other students, etc. Bully1 started calling M names, whispering so the teacher wouldn't hear. M had a stain on her clothes, and Bully1 said "Have you ever heard of a washing machine, stainy?" "Ew, you're so dirty!"

I didn't join in, but later during break Bully1 confronted me. "Why didn't you say anything to M? Is it because you like her? Do you have stains all over you, too?"

And I was a little shocked. "no," I defended. Bully1 ignored me for the rest of break, like I'd done something wrong.

Next time she called M names, I joined in. M soon told on us and the teacher gave us a lecture. After that we left M alone.

There were other incidents. There was a boy in our class who was a little autistic called Boy, and only had one friend. Bully1 put a note in Boy's pencil case that read: "nobody likes you, Boy, you should switch classes! No, schools. I don't like you either, you aren't my friend." And she wrote "from [Boy's only friend]."

When Boy found it he showed it to the teacher and his friend got in trouble, even though he denied it. There were so many more incidents, they almost happened on a daily basis. I'm sorry to say that I participated in most of them.

Whenever I didn't do what Bully1 told me to, or even if I hung out with other people, she would 'punish' me in some way. Another girl got transferred to our class and became friends with us. Her name was T and she had some kind of disability, I'm not sure what. Maybe it was a learning difficulty.

So T would willingly do whatever Bully1 said, she was pretty mean to people, too. So when Bully1 wanted to punish me for something, she and T would run away when I wasn't looking and leave me alone, or she'd go aside with T to 'say something secret' and then whisper and stare at me. Or just say something really hurtful (I don't really remember what) that would make me cry. I would go home crying a lot of times. She would constantly use threats such as 'I won't be your friend,' and 'I'll cancel the play date'.

But I stayed friends with her (stupidly, I kept thinking she would change). I told my parents, and in year 4 we weren't in the same class. However, she would still come and wait for me outside my class at break. She had stopped being friends with T and now brought along two other girls, girl1 and girl 2.

Year four was the worst year. One time the four of us went to the library and then Bully1 took the other two girls aside to share a secret, and then she came back to me alone and said "Girl1 and girl2 told me to tell you that they hate you. And I don't like you either. Stay away from us. We are going, so don't follow us, we don't want you." And they left me crying in the library.

We had a day where we ran races with people in our age groups. When it was my turn, she showed me a bunch of money (it was probably only about three dollars, but I was a kid and it felt like a lot) and told me that if I missed my race and stayed with her, she would give it to me. So I agreed and she gave it to me. But as soon as my race finished, she made me give it back and she said that she 'wasn't allowed to give money to people,'. If I refused she would have told the teacher that I stole it.

I lied to my mum about my race, but she found out from another student and I got into tonnes of trouble, but I didn't tell her why.

That year, I tried to cut myself off from Bully1, but I didn't have any other friends. Years had been wasted spending time with Bully1, being classified as 'weird' and 'Should be avoided'. I would wander around at lunch times alone, and Bully1 would whisper and giggle to Girl 1 and 2 about me, just waiting for me to come crawling back to her.

Luckily though, I found a friend called friend 1 who was in my class. Friend 1 was pretty popular, and so I would hang out with her and the other girls. When Bully1 noticed that I didn't need her, she got really angry. She told her mother lies about me, who sent a letter to my mum complaining about me. The letter said that I had called bully1 names and kicked her in the shin and a whole bunch of other stuff I don't remember. My mum believed me when I pleaded innocent, and she also knew about the situation I was having with bully1. She tried to explain to bully1's mother, but she denied that her daughter was anything but an angel (bully1 was the youngest child in her family, and the only girl, so she was spoilt heaps).

I got called to the principals office because Bully1 made up more stuff about how I bullied T (who she wasn't even friends with anymore!) about her learning difficulty. Luckily my parents came in and the principal believed me.

In year five I was in girl 1's class (who said she hated me the year before) but she denied having said anything of the sort and I realised that bully1 had made the bit about girl1 and 2 hating me up. Girl 1 and I became friends, but sadly she was also friends with bully1. I spent the entire year trying to convince girl1 how bad bully1 was and how she should stop being friends with her. But she didn't understand and she just wanted us to be friends. Bully1 accused me of trying to steal her friend away. When I finally did convince Girl1 not to be friends with bully1, bully1 kept following us around anyway and just wouldn't leave us alone.

Bully1 bullied me (in a weird way) for three years, making me come home crying a lot of days. I don't even remember the worst things she did, I mentally blocked them out a long time ago and now I've forgotten. She was constantly playing a game with me, one minute we were best friends and the next a bully and a victim. Just on and off continuously.

In year six, She left me alone and stayed friends with girl 1 and 2 and a bunch of other girls who were quite nice. I wasn't in their class. I found two friends in my class, friend 2 and 3, and friend 1 from year 4 started hanging out with us as well. We were a happy group of four.

Then part way through the year a new girl came to our class called victim. Victim had the same name as bully1. The first day, she was disliked for being different. She wore heaps of layers even though it felt hot to us (she had just moved from a warmer place so it felt cold to her, but we didn't listen to logic). She was really pale and wore baggy clothes.

A kid in the class started the Victim Touch. If you touched her, you were infected and had to touch someone else to 'cure' yourself. It was cruel, and I am ashamed to say that I participated in this with enthusiasm. I might have even been one of the worst in the class. It got to the point where you had to be a certain distance away or you would catch it. People who sat next to her kept as far away as possible.

One day one of my friends had to swap seats with victim, and before touching the seat or the desk, she sprayed it with detergent from the sink and wiped it down.

One time Victim got into an argument with Classmate and called her a fat slug (classmate was slightly overweight) but only after Classmate called victim a bunch of horrible things first. About six different people told on Victim, and there was a huge talk involving the Teacher, Classmate and Victim. Victim tried to explain what Classmate had said and about the rest of the bullying, but numerous people from the class acted as witnesses and said that Victim just called Classmate a fat slug for no reason. The teacher let it go without anyone getting into trouble.

It was us against her. The Class against Victim, and I think that why I did it: because unpopular me, who never had more than three friends at a time, was suddenly on the same team as the rest of the class. I am NOT saying this is an excuse. I am ashamed of what I did and I know there is no excuse for bullying. But if you had asked me then what I would have classified myself as, I would have said victim, not bully. I was still caught up in everything that had happened to ME that I wasn't paying attention to anyone else. I don't think I really noticed that it was bullying.

We never physically bullied Victim, but there was a lot of name calling and putting down. And sometimes that can hurt a lot worse.

I am in year nine now, very happy in high school with plenty of friends. When I came to high school (which was year 7) I made a big change in myself. I never bully anyone anymore and while I am still known for being a little weird, I think it's a good kind of weird and I'm ok with it.

It's been three years since everything, but few months ago I cried myself to sleep with those memories of what bully1 did. Like I said, sometimes verbal abuse can hurt a lot more and stay with a person a lot longer. And I wondered: does Victim still cry herself to sleep at night? Does she still relive the painful memories of being bullied? And I cried even more. I am so ashamed of myself. I can't forgive myself. If I ever see her again (unlikely, I think she moved) I would probably break down. I'm so sorry, victim for what I did. I should have known better, seeing as it happened to me and I knew what it felt like. I shouldn't have just blindly followed everyone else.

A few days ago I sat with my mum and told her more stuff that bully1 did. I already told her most things but there were things that I was too scared to say at the time, like when I was 'paid' not to run my race by bully 1. I told my Mum everything about bully1 and I finally forgave her for what she did and myself for being weak and not ending our friendship sooner. But I didn't tell my mum about Victim and I haven't forgiven my self for that. I hope she can forgive me, because I am truly sorry.