Have you experienced bullying?

I have experienced bullying in many ways, not only by classmates, or friends but from my own family and teachers.

I have been bullied since I was little, about 3 years old is when I remember it all started. Most of my family and so called friends where the ones who bullied me. My father who never loved me, didn't care about me he would just call me names and treat me like I was an accident just because he wanted a boy instead of a girl. People at school would call me names and beat me up, at first I just ignored them but as time passed by the name calling and pushing around got more violent. I couldn't go to school without things being thrown at me, like eggs and flour.

They would just say.

"You are ugly, get out of here"

"I bet your family hates you"

"She looks so weird"

I started feeling like everything they said was true. I couldn't go a day without thinking if I left this world people would be happy, I got to the point where I didn't care if I died or not, I mean my family hurt me and called me names too. My siblings yelled at me like "why don't you just die!" ... I didn't care who would miss me, likely no one would.

I hurt myself so many times, tried to take my life. Yet I always tried my best at school, I would get good grades just to impress my mom so that she would say how happy she is and how proud, but she never payed attention.

I have made it so far. I never told anyone about this, even now I still feel like I should disappear. I haven't told anyone because I feel like I will just be ignored and hated or judged. I hate that feeling, and worst of all. I never knew what I did to deserve all of this.

Things are a little better. I am ignored but the name calling and hitting has stopped after 17 years. I have one person I call a friend who has been there for the past 2 years, he hasn't done anything to hurt me yet which is why I still think there is one person who believes in me, but I am afraid he will hurt me like everyone else.

I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just give up on everything?