→ Maybe I really can be loved

→ I can't stay in the background how hard I try

━━━

It's not nighty night time yet!"

"Yes it is sweetie pie, come on now," daddy claimed in a voice meant to be stern but I continued refusing.

He stood at the edge of my room, nearing the doorway but sighed before turning around and running his hand through his hair, "What will I ever do with you, you stubborn girl?"

"Read me another stowy?" I ask innocently, a cheeky smile covering my face.

"Fine, but I better see you in bed by nine missy," he glared, but chuckled when he saw my pouting face. He squeezed my cheeks gently before kissing my forehead and joining me on my decorated pink bed. "Princesses shouldn't pout."

"Daddy?" I asked in a sleepy voice once he had finished yet another fairytale story. I thought the witch was a complete meanie for holding Hansel and Gretal there but it was their fault for going inside the candy house. 'Life is unfair' I vaguely recall daddy murmuring when I told him so.

"Yes angel?"

"Can we go look at the stars?"

And looking at the stars we did. Daddy buckled up my strapped mickey mouse sandals and helped me into my puffy purple winter jacket. He placed a gray beanie onto my head, pulling the pom-pommed sides down before tying them around my chin. He offered me his pinky and I grabbed onto it excitedly with my tiny pinky. Daddy led me outside and we sat on the recently mowed grass right outside our front porch. I lean in towards daddy, gazing at the flickering stars covering the night sky like a blanket. The color blending into the lighter shade of blue in the dark sky, deep into the horizon. I pull my knees closer to my chest, still shivering despite my too puffy jacket. Daddy puts his arm around my shoulder and I lay on his chest, cuddled up next to him. I love love loved star gazing.

"You wanna know something bumblebee?" daddy whispers to me quietly, so quietly that I almost didn't hear.

"Yes daddy?" My curious eyes flutter towards daddys face. He stares up at the night sky, still not looking at me with a far away look taking over his eyes.

"I love you, my little angel." He finally looks over at me, the ghost of a smile dancing on his lips. "I pinky promise never to leave you."

"I love you too daddy cakes."

Dad leaving me that day was the first time he had ever broken a pinky promise to me.

━━━

Dinner was the definition of eventful.

After inviting us into a large dining room with china plates, we all sat in large seats with designed cushions strapped on them. It reminded me of all the work dinners dad would take me too. My five year old self only noticed the nicely folded napkins that had reminded me of origami. I remember how I followed my dad around everywhere and one day, dad ditched the work dinner with me and we went stargazing.

I swallowed the lump in my throat that appeared at the memory. And when the chefs brought out pasta on fancy platters, the type of pasta dad and I would cook together, it only added to the heaviness I felt in my chest. And when Caden stood up announcing it was time to say Grace, that was the last straw. The thoughts and memories accelerated inside my jumbled head. I remember feeling deprived of air and the room started spinning. Voices called out to me as I slumped out of the chair and somehow ended up on the floor.

"Is she okay?" I heard a panicked voice that sounded similar to Aiden's ask. But it was all too far away.

Dad was really gone. He was never going to come back and it was all my fault. If only I hadn't distracted him in my excitement. If only I had let him focus instead of momentarily turning back to look at me. If only I was less stubborn.

I remember feeling a hand rub against my back, repeatedly telling me I was okay in a soothing voice.

After calming down, I slowly stood up to see all four boys staring at me, mouths slightly agape and eyes filled with nothing but concern. These attacks were normal to me but seeing someone actually feel concern for me- that was a different story. After reassuring the boys that I was fine, I had immediately asked to be excused and the boys reluctantly agreed.

━━━

I can't believe that I had just met these boys that I now had to live with and that I already managed to embarrass myself. What happened to not dragging attention and staying in the backgrounds? They probably thought I was insane after all that.

I heard a knock and the door opened quietly, revealing a tired looking Caden. "Hey, I just thought I would let you know that you'll probably start school tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" I asked, surprised. I knew I would have to start eventually but I never expected it to be this soon.

"Yes, you'll be attending Fairfield high with Mason and Aiden. They can help you if you need anything," he responded. I nod, though I didn't expect to ever ask Mason nor Aiden for any help at school. "I also wanted to talk to you about that anxiety attack."

I immediately sucked in a breath. This was the exact conversation I was trying to avoid.

"Seriously, don't worry about it. They are normal and go away pretty soon. That was one of the lighter ones. I can handle them," I informed, trying to steer away from any trouble.

But it seemed to have the exact opposite effect. Caden's eyes darkened and he ran a hand through his hair, reminding me of the habit dad used to have. "Jess," he started.

My breath hitched once again when he called me Jess. Dad was the only one who used to call me Jess. I wasn't affected when Mason called me it but Caden's voice sounded so similar to dads, it triggered memories. But to be honest, I liked it. No one had cared enough to ever make a nickname for me and now, two people did.

"I don't know how your life was back with... your mother. I can imagine from what I have heard from Officer Grace that you had a tough childhood. But I want you to know that from this moment onwards, you have us and we are here for you. You don't have to keep your problems bottled up and never hesitate to come and talk to any of us, okay? I'll look into a therapist soon. All four of us are here for you," his voice wavered a bit and I couldn't do anything to stop the tear that rolled down my cheek. He held his open arms out to me and I crashed into him. Footsteps pounded towards us but I kept my head buried into Caden's arms.

"Group hug!" I heard a voice scream before someone came crashing into me. Before I knew it, three other pairs of arms circled around me from either side.

This was the first time in a long time that I had ever felt loved. Maybe I could be loved. Just maybe I wouldn't be that ghost anymore. Or maybe, it would just be a once in a lifetime event.

━━━