A/N: I'm only online long enough to post this, I'm having horrid Internet issues, so please be patient with me! Dedicated to Phixiedust because she made me two beautiful covers

Chapter 18: Sour as a Pickle

She was small and warm and she smelt like a sweet perfume.

I could feel her surprise in the way she stiffened upon first feeling my hug. I was surprised too.

Why did I do that again?

I didn't know. I mean, Lottie had told me things I never thought she would ever tell me. She was a deeper person than I'd originally thought. She could feel and be hurt, she didn't just smile for the hell of it.

When I looked at her as she told me that she missed her mum, I realised that I'd never seen a more lost or lonely person in my life. Including myself. That was what drove me to initiate that hug. That expression on her face goddamn near cracked my front. I couldn't stand it any more.

Lottie held onto my shirt as though it was her anchor, her hands clenching the fabric between the fists. Her chin was resting firmly on my shoulder, the back of her head pressed against my neck and her cold-tipped nose nestling itself into the exposed skin of my upper back.

She felt fragile in my arms, but not the way a porcelain doll feels...more like a teddy bear. I could feel the subtle tremors of her body despite the lack of tears leaking from her eyes, and the fact that something was upsetting her was doing weird things to my head.

"My mum," she said, her tone of voice low, as though she was thinking hard. "My mum liked my smile a lot. She said it made her feel happy whenever she was upset, and I didn't like it when she was sad, so I began to smile all the time."

My arms tightened around her and she let out a protesting squeak. The funny sound softened my hard expression, and I loosened my arms so that I wasn't suffocating her. "I'm sorry," I said gruffly.

Lottie pulled back and furrowed her eyebrows at me. "Why are you sorry?" she asked, puzzled.

I could understand her a little better now. Before, I was a horrid bastard, assuming that nothing went on inside that head of hers apart from her cheesy smile. "I judged you wrong," I told her. "I'm sorry," I repeated. "I get it. A smile can sometimes turn a person's day around, and that's why you always have one on."

Lottie smiled, and she tapped my nose. "Bingo," she said.

Ah fuck. She was an absolutely wonderful human being. I mean, what kind of person would willingly do something like that and actually mean it? 

"Ben, I really have to get to class, but I'll come find you later, okay?" she said.

"Okay," I forced out. My hands clenched into fists at my side and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down.

How did she get to be so beautiful?

It wasn't her looks; it really wasn't. It was in her Beauty with a capital B. It was her friendliness, her kindness, that pleasant aura that always hung around her. She was a person you could spill your secrets to and she wouldn't judge you one whit. She could smile at you and it would be like all your problems were gone.

"Bye-bye, Benny," she said cheerfully, grabbing her bag and ruffling my hair. And then she was gone, running out of the library on her way to her class.

I brought my hand up to my head and was about to fix my no doubt unruly hair, but then I decided to leave it the way it was. 

I'd become a complete and utter pansy. I didn't fix my hair because the touchy part of my subconscious demanded that since Lottie had touched it, my hair was suddenly sacred.

I scowled. "I am a man," I told myself sternly. "Fix the fucking hair, it's just hair, goddammit!"

I didn't fix the hair.

***

I spotted her sitting on a bench near her classroom around lunchtime, earbuds in her ears, her head bopping to the tune of her music. I almost grinned, because it was such a funny sight. Her hair bounced with every movement of her head, and at random intervals, she would stick out her tongue rocker-style and play the air guitar.

I started to make my way over to her, but stopped when I saw some guy swaggering towards her. My eyebrows furrowed when Lottie looked at him and removed her earbuds. My only consolation was that her expression was polite, but anyone could mistake her stranger smile for something more. I know I used to.

I wasn't close enough to hear what he was saying, but I could tell from his body language that he was a complete slime ball. He was smirking at her, smirking! I almost lost it when I saw him reach into his pocket, hand her a scrap of paper, and then saunter away, looking extremely pleased with himself.

I was stuck in place, my face probably flushed with anger and my jaw ticking. Lottie stared at the paper in her hands, and I kept my eyes on her to see what she would do next. A happy smile grew on her mouth, and it was a smile so amused that I would've walked away right then and there had she not let out a high, clear laugh, crumpled up the paper, and tossed it over her shoulder.

Just like that, all the pent up fury left my body in a second, and I was left feeling awkward from my own thoughts. I'd acted like a jealous boyfriend. Why had I acted like a jealous boyfriend?

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and began to creep up behind her as she put her earbuds back in her ears. I reached her and bent at the waist, yanked out one earbud and said, "Boo!"

She let out a girlish squeak and jumped violently, her bag falling off her lap. When she saw me, her cheeks turned a light pink colour. She frowned, but it didn't escape me how she was holding back a smile.

Lottie didn't look at him like that, I thought.

"I believe that's two-nil," I said smugly, taking a seat beside her. I kept a safe half metre away from her.

"Yeah?" she teased, but I detected an embarrassed undercurrent in her voice. "Well...y-you have furry eyebrows!"

I couldn't help but laugh when I heard her comeback, and I saw her eyes shine at the sound of it. I cleared my throat, abruptly halting my laughter. "How dare you," I said drily.

"I dare."

"Yeah?" I struggled to find something to say that would make her laugh. "Well, no one likes you."

She giggled. "No one likes you," she returned easily.

"Whoa, that insult is so unoriginal, it's almost as if I said it three seconds ago," I said sarcastically.

Lottie paused, looking confused. "But you did say it a few seco-" She stopped speaking, and a look of comprehension dawned on her face.

"Try-hard," I said.

"Have you been reading the How to Insult Like an Eleven Year Old manual again?"

"Actually," I said haughtily, "it's How to Insult Like a Twelve Year Old."

She laughed. "Ah, my bad."

"Yeah. Your bad."

We fell into a silence then, and I wasn't sure if I knew her enough for it to be comfortable or not. I didn't know what to say to her to keep on hearing her voice. I wasn't used to speaking first, or even to speaking very much at all, but for some reason, I felt the need to do so with Lottie.

I didn't have to, though. She turned her head to look at the huge gap between us. "Are you scared of me?" she asked teasingly, sidling closer to me.

I tensed when she leant towards me, and my leg began bouncing nervously. "You are the least scary person on the planet," I managed to say.

"You haven't seen me in the morning then," she said and laughed.

She wasn't looking at me, but then she did, and she seemed surprised at our close proximity. She didn't move away though, and neither did I. We were both completely still, just looking at each other, evaluating each other's moves. 

Lottie looked down and then peeked at me shyly, her cheeks turning red. I slowly placed my hand on her neck, moving at such a pace that she could move away if she so wanted to.

She didn't move away.